Tuesday, April 2, 2024

Lost Humanity Series Order

Lost Humanity series:



* Unpublished (these links will be updated as the stories are published)
** Unpublished and unfinished

Lost Humanity Series: Content Warnings


Lost Humanity Series
by H.S. Kallinger


Content Notes: police, alcohol, drugs, assault (physical and sexual), addiction, trauma bonding, abusive relationships, violence, death, intimate partner violence, ableist language, homophobic slurs, suicidal ideation/attempts, self-injury, disordered eating, torture., vampire-human age gaps, kink, BDSM, human trafficking, slavery, racism, queerphobia/homophobia.


Notes: This series deals with cycles of abuse and domestic violence. There is on page 'dubcon' (coerced) assault, but no on page rape. There is the psychological fallout from it. Healthy BDSM (RACK model) is included and contrasted against unhealthy/toxic (also on page) sadomasochism. Vampires in this series produce an euphoric chemical in their saliva that can lead to physical addiction.


Book specific extra CNs: pregnancy loss in Pet and Bridges. On page sexual assault in Hotel of Lost Souls and Castles. On page judicial flogging in Castles and World of Lost Souls.

Saturday, September 2, 2023

Hope Gets a Bad Rap

Hope Gets a Bad Rap


Hope is dead

she licked the salt 

running down the wood

what's in your head

is not her fault

She'd go if she could

this rope's tight

around her wrists

is it supposed to hurt?

her head's light

can't feel her fists

she said it's in the dirt

blackened nails

chipped, peeling paint

her body's so soft

singing whales

a last refrain

you finally got off


Sunday, August 6, 2023

A Meeting

 It wasn't an accident.

I saw what you did when you thought no one was looking, and I followed you down that alley. I admit that I didn't expect the little door hidden in the shadows. You hadn't noticed me, so I listened to how you secured entry and waited a few minutes to repeat you.

Once inside, it didn't take very long to find you again. You seemed to know everyone there. I had never been in a literal hole in the wall before, but you know how much I love an adventure. Nearly as much as I love pursuing a mystery to find an Interesting Person.

Since you knew everyone--or appeared to--I stood out. Not one to leave a stranger lurking in the corner, clearly lost, you greeted me cheerfully. I told the truth: I was new. You were delighted to show me around this place into which I hadn't technically been invited.

Neither of us knew how important that meeting would be. The world will never know the things we've done together, but I do believe it's finally time to confess that I was an intruder in your world, drawn in by such an unexpected act.

Don't worry. I'll never tell anyone what it was, of course.

Just as I know you'll never tell them what I am.




---

This was written in response to one of those "Tell everyone how we met, only lie" memes on Facebook that got away from me.

Friday, July 21, 2023

It Wasn't What You Wanted Me to Say

 It Wasn't What You Wanted Me to Say


the hunter

seven points

bright burning in the negative space

can you see the colors?

can you see me?

do you only count to three?

I am the void that frames the stars

looking from far away

it's cold and dark and empty

I think that's all you see

you don't get closer

afraid you'll freeze

afraid you'll burn

I am the void

that negative space

you only see the stars

you think that's where you should look

if you stop they'll pull you in

you'll never break away

you'll disintegrate

burn in a flash

get closer

closer to me

it's the dust

it's the clouds

that's where I'll be

behind the pressure of glittering diamond showers

please enjoy the view

now look again

and tell me what you see

Sunday, July 2, 2023

LH Short Story: Garret

Lost Humanity Short Story

This story is provided for free by H.S. Kallinger as part of the Lost Humanity universe.
Timing: sometime during World of Lost Souls
Content Warnings: none. this is fluff


Garret


Sarah, Garret and I stumbled into the house, laughing. We'd had a great night hunting, and we were all hyper. Garret and Sarah couldn't stop giggling the whole way home while I drove, and I was excited to finally get in on it. I got the door shut just in time for Garret to pounce me and growl at my neck.

Is that so?” I asked with a grin. I dashed across the room with him clinging to me and flipped around to land on top of him on the couch, making us both laugh. Sarah jumped on top of me and started tickling us both until I accidentally hit her in the head with my own, and she yowled. I apologized as she fell off the couch, holding her head, but she just laughed from the floor. I sat up, releasing Garret. We both reached for Sarah and pulled her up to snuggle between us. We got all the laughter out and took a few minutes to just enjoy holding each other.

Garret?” Sarah's voice was soft and uncertain.

Aye, pet, what is it?”

Can I ask a few questions?”

Have at it.”

Why do you hate labels?” Sarah turned to him, and I settled my chin on top of her head to look at him with her.

I telt you—they create expectations that might not match the reality.”

Usually when someone chooses their own labels,” I said, “they do it knowing that it's a way to tell a story about themselves quickly or to let others know that they aren't alone.”

I...” Garret looked away and sighed. “You's both so young. I try to imagine growing up in this world where you can say you're gay or bi or whatever and it don't mean you'll be arrested or worse. There's so many labels now and all, and I—when I was young...”

Just 'sodomites,' right?” I asked, remembering Carrie Brownstone's wife's comment from years ago.

Aye, if they was bein' polite.”

So, you're just a crotchety old man stuck in the past?” I teased. Garret shot me a dirty look. Sarah grabbed his arm.

Ignore him. I'm sorry. I just... can't imagine what it's like growing up when you did, either,” Sarah offered. Garret smiled down at her and kissed her forehead.

All right, pet. If you was me, what labels would you wear?”

Oh. I don't want to label you. I wanted you to try to label yourself,” Sarah said. “I want to know how you'd describe yourself now. Years ago, it was 'not anything.' But you're not 'not anything,' you're a beautiful, kind, sexy, promiscuous you.”

You're right. I'm not the same as then,” Garret said. His aqua eyes met mine over Sarah's head. “I don't know if I'm bisexual or pansexual—that's the word for 'gender doesn't matter,' aye?”

That's the one,” I agreed. “I still use bisexual because gender does matter to me. I—I'm attracted to people of all genders, but how I'm attracted changes. I dunno. They both work for me. And like Jamie made me realize, I'm demisexual. I'm not sure if that fits? I do experience primary sexual attraction, but the thought of following through with it when I don't have an emotional attachment to someone... it repulses me. So, yeah, that's confusing.”

Aye, and I don't experience the primary attraction, so does that mean I'm demi as well?” Garret asked.

You're the one labeling you,” I answered, and he snorted.

And demiromantic?” Sarah offered.

Is that a thing?” Garret asked her. “Like, is that what it is when I'm only in love wiv one person in all this time?”

Yeah, it's the romantic version of demisexual,” Sarah said. Garret stared at me, wide-eyed.

There's a word for it?” he whispered. My own eyes widened as I watched raw emotion pass over his face. I couldn't translate it.

There's a word for pretty much everything if you look hard enough,” Sarah said, touching his face. He looked down at her. “You aren't alone. But don't worry. You're still just you.”

Ta,” he said softly before kissing her. “I still don't think I'm ready for any labels, though. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Now, you said there was more than one question?”

Yeah, one I've wondered a really long time. Why didn't you want to try to seduce me?” Sarah asked.

'Cause you wasn't ever alone. You was always with Zack or Jamie or Lukas. And you wouldn't be bothered none by my flirting with him, but if I'd flirted with you?”

I'd have been jealous and angry,” I finished.

Aye. Zack was the only safe target. He says I might've done better than Uriah, but I'm afraid he might've seduced me right back.”

Ooh, it could have been all Romeo and Juliet without either of you being foolish enough to kill yourselves!”

Only until the part where the families reconciled over the lovers. I'd'a had to choose a side. I didn't know how to not choose Justin then. Lookin' back at how mental he'd gone, I think he mighta killed me for it.”

For falling in love?” I asked, my heart hurting at the pain in his eyes.

Lovin' you but never him.”

He didn't love you.”

Disn't matter,” he said so softly that I almost missed it. “Mebbes he would've loved me if I loved him.”

Doesn't work that way, sweetie,” Sarah said, touching his arm. He looked up at her, and she kissed him. She met his eyes again after a moment. “Love doesn't cost love, and I fully believe you have always been worth loving.”

He rested his forehead against hers for a moment, and I stroked his hair. She suddenly sat back, moved up to her knees and pulled his head to her shoulder. I saw a tear on her cheek that wasn't hers, and I wrapped my arms around them both.

We all love you,” I told him.

Aye, and I you,” he answered, his voice soft and even. I pulled away enough to look at his face. His eyes were closed, and he wore a contented smile. Happiness swelled up in me. He was happy. He was happy to love us. My hug that followed that joyful realization was too enthusiastic, and they both protested being squished. I still took a moment to breathe in both their scents before I relaxed. The two of them laughed.

What was that for?” Garret asked.

For you. Because I'll never get tired of holding you.”

To have and to hold,” Sarah murmured.

Aye, let's turn on some Depeche Mode and have it off,” Garret said with a grin. “Actions over words and all that.”

I have the Deftones cover of that on my phone...” I trailed off as I pulled my phone out and looked for it.

Sod that. Zack, be a love and fetch my vinyl,” Garret said. I laughed as I stood up to comply. He grinned at me as he sat back and pulled Sarah into his lap, his hand disappearing under her shirt. I hurried off on my errand, not wanting to miss anything.






Friday, February 17, 2023

404

404


someday I'll be a ghost

just words on a memory post

and if words are all I'll leave behind

there'll be nothing left to remind

the world I was even here

when the servers disappear

ones and zeroes, off and on

all you're reading will be gone

shoulda carved the words somewhere deep

before I drifted off to sleep 

Thursday, January 19, 2023

Undermined

Undermined


I'mma go lay out and float

through all the waves

ocean's already in my throat

been there for days

why'd I open up my mouth

it's never good

been a victim of this drought

chokin on wood


I'm just breathing here

trying not to lose myself

trying to get through this hell

nightmare we made ourselves


I wish I could forget

now I got ten regrets

all carved in pain

all under your name

all under my

under my


undermined


fuck you! you don't own me

fuck you! you can't control me

push me down, push me down

hold me down, hold me down

is this what I mean to you?


you're cultivating flowers

where once we both stood

you think you envy me

you think it's all good

I'm alone and adrift

but please come on in

the water's cold and empty

and I don't know how to swim


I'm just breathing here

trying not to lose myself

trying to get through this hell

nightmare we made ourselves


I wish I could forget

now I got ten regrets

all carved in pain

all under your name

all under my

under my


undermined

I'm undermined

again

You see something

that's not there

(I wish I could forget)

it was taken

I was unaware

(now I got ten regrets)


I wish I could forget

I wish I could forget

I wish I could forget

all under your name

all carved in pain

underwater again

Thursday, December 29, 2022

LH Short Story: Military Musings

 Lost Humanity Short Story

This story is provided for free by H.S. Kallinger as part of the Lost Humanity universe.
Timing: directly after end but before epilogue of World of Lost Souls
Content Warnings: police, military draft


Military Musings


“I cannot believe that we hid for the entire conflict,” Lukas muttered in German as he glanced across the park to a crowd of protesters chanting next to a group of attentive police. Even five years after the demilitarization and budget slashing of police that had happened a year after the state sponsored child kidnappings, I still hadn't gotten used to the sight of them without riot gear at events like this. But we hadn't had riots at protests in just as long, either. I wondered if they were afraid of the crowd, or if they had lost the fear when police-public conflict had dropped with the those changes to the system. They were watching the protesters closely, but none of them looked especially nervous. That was strange, too. I hadn't really been to a protest since the riots back then.

If you'd been involved, the body count would have been higher,” I teased him, continuing in German.

Are you saying that I lack diplomacy?” He asked, a twinkle in his eye.

Are you saying that you wanted to be involved as a diplomat?” I countered.

I could have,” he said softly, surprising me. He switched to English. “But your criticism of my inclination to fight instead is valid. I could also have become an officer in the army, moved to a Sergeant Major, and organized rather than continued to lead my own brigade, but I did not even pursue leadership so far as to earn my diamond, become a First Sergeant. St. John did.”

“St. John outranks you?” I asked, surprised. Lukas shook his head.

“Only were we on the same unit now. We did serve together in Iraq. It was why I signed on. He was escaping the loss of his wife, and I joined him. When we fought in Bosnia, we were not together, and he stayed on longer than I. If we return at the same time to the same brigade, then he would be my commander. Which is possible with how they rarely put vampires on assignment with humans, preferring to station us together as vampire Special Forces. They do the same with dhampir who are physically exceptional, only they seldom have the Special Forces designation. It depends on if we choose the same track, however.

“Most vampires either fight other countries' vampires or do direct action, but there is also unconventional warfare. When they attempted to desegregate vampires and humans in combat, it was found that the humans relied too heavily on the vampire or vampires but also resented—why have you not interrupted me yet?” He stopped walking and turned to peer at me. I snorted.

“I was listening,” I answered, continuing to walk. We would be passing the protesters before we turned back. That was why I was here, after all. This was a potential problem zone. Lukas's restlessness had led to him following me around on patrol tonight. There was no reason he couldn't, but the guards had all been obnoxiously formal during the change, visibly nervous. They probably suspected an inspection. They had done it to me the first few times I'd taken shifts. He wasn't officially with me; he was just feeling clingy. There was no reason to announce that, though.

Are you focused on your duty? Am I distracting you?” he asked in German. I took his hand and squeezed it.

I can multitask, and no, you're not a distraction. I was really just listening. I've been thinking about this lately,” I answered, switching to German with him. A few cops broke from the rest and shooed away counterprotesters that had run up aggressively to the original group.

The military?

“That proposal to activate selective services against all registered vampires during the conflict here made me look up what I signed when I changed,” I told him, switching back to English as I monitored a skirmish between the police and two counterprotesters. “Obviously, it was ludicrous and wasn't going to matter if they tried it, but it just feels like there's been a lot of strife lately. So I was reading up on the draft and the Army and shit, too.”

“You can ask me anything you like,” he said, his expression perplexed.

“You make me more paranoid than I need to be,” I dismissed. He blew out an amused breath.

“What conclusions did you draw?” he asked.

“I'm thinking that when the kids are all moved out, when Sarah's busy with her work—or if they do activate selective services—I'm going to sign up for the Air Force.”

“The Air Force?” Lukas repeated. He looked up, his expression thoughtful. I waited to see how he responded, if he'd be offended that I didn't want to go Army like he had. “I believe that suits you.”

“Okay, obviously, I think it does, but I want to know what you meant by that,” I said, wrinkling my forehead.

“Soft, pampered, clean, lax discipline? Yes, that suits you quite well,” he answered, his face twitching as he tried to control the amusement shining in his eyes.

“Oh, thank you so much, du Arsch,” I said, struggling not to laugh at his teasing. “Not my fault I'm not just a mindless fighter.”

“When you fight, you can be quite mindless,” he countered. I raised an eyebrow and bobbed my head to the side before nodding in agreement.

“Fair.” I was happy to see the counterprotest leaving. I supported the protesters. Two of the belligerent ones who had fought with the police were being loaded up to be moved away. De-escalation. Two officers were now harassing spectators. I couldn't hear them quite yet.

“You will be a military doctor?” he asked.

“Pararescue,” I replied. Lukas stopped. Again, I ignored him and kept walking.

“I take back my jest,” Lukas said softly before catching up to me. He took my hand this time. “You are just as suited for Special Operations. Vampire PJs are not used in the Air National Guard, so you would be in Florida, Nevada, Arizona... or Okinawa.”

“Worried about me being deployed overseas?” I asked.

“Sarah may not forgive you if you do not become a military doctor instead,” he hedged.

“You're worried about me dying overseas,” I guessed. He sighed.

“Would you not if I were to return to active duty?”

“I worry about you dying going out to eat.” I waved that away with my free hand. “But if I pick my branch now, I never have to worry about being assigned to the Army, which I don't want. Sure, I could still be a military doctor—but with the Air Force, I could be an astronaut.”

“Now you are attempting to make me jealous,” Lukas sulked. “Do you even want to be an astronaut?”

“What kid from my generation didn't want to be one?” I said and laughed.

“If you become the first vampire astronaut...”

“You'd leave me from jealousy?” I teased.

“I am trying to decide if my excitement and pride would outweigh my envy,” he said, laughing. I joined him.

“You there!” One of the cops that had been harassing spectators ran up to us. He glared suspiciously into our eyes. I glanced over at Lukas. He was casting eyeshine. I probably was, too. He turned to Lukas. “Who are you?”

“Master Sergeant Lukas Ritter,” I answered before Lukas could, testing a hypothesis I had. The officer's eyes widened as Lukas continued to stare at him evenly.

“Ah, sorry, sir.” The cop wandered off to bother another gawker, and Lukas's eyes narrowed.

That is the trick? Drop my rank, and off they fuck?” Lukas swore in German. “How many times could that have been used in my favor?”

“I can't believe you never thought of it yourself.”

“I... It did not occur to me that anything could dissuade them from their prejudice. Not even that.” Lukas had let go of my hand when he saw the officer running up to us, and he took it back now. “Will they forgive this as well?”

“I love you,” I said and leaned over to kiss his cheek. I could feel his tension increase momentarily, and then he let go and slid his hand into my back pocket, like he used to do years before. He was on my right, so I had to decide if it would slow me down too much to mirror him for a second before I did it regardless. Maybe he was distracting me a little.

“Are you going to medical school?” Lukas asked. I sighed loudly. “You should look into AFROTC and become an officer so that we need not worry about fraternization. Though, we are married, and I do believe that cancels the rule? But that was only cross-sex marriage when I last read a regulation guide.”

“Only heterosexual marriage was allowed when you last read a regulation guide,” I pointed out. “But if I'm in a different branch of the military, does it matter?”

“Yes,” Lukas answered. “As I was saying, though, after you graduate as a physician, you would automatically have a higher commissioned rank. I believe you would begin as a captain, but it might only be a lieutenant junior grade.”

“That's a first lieutenant in the Air Force,” I corrected him. He raised his eyebrows at me. “I told you I did my homework. I already have the credit for that. Pararescue officers still jump, so I'm fine with that. I've never let my paramedic certification lapse, just kept it going as inactive since school kept fulfilling my continuing education requirements and I had to keep my CPR license active for work. Which cuts out twenty-two weeks from the program. But all of this is for later, so who knows what might change by then.”

“If you are only signing on for fear of a draft—”

“You know I'm not,” I stopped him quietly. We didn't say anything for a few more minutes. “I can't believe Keavy is dead.”

“It always affects me deeply when a vampire who has survived centuries falls, even if it is at my hand,” Lukas told me. “These nights, it feels even worse. I am uncertain why.”

“Probably because you have so many vampires that you love right now,” I suggested. He pulled me closer by the pocket. “Give me your real feelings on my thoughts about becoming a PJ, please.”

“I am conflicted. I am always proud of you, mein Schatz, but moments like this see my pride warring with my selfish desire for you to stay home, stay safe, and stay mine. I want you to grow, to be happy, to explore that which is available to you. I never, ever want harm to come to you, in any form. I do not think a draft likely. I see our country moving quickly further away from the dystopia it could have been had the wrong political candidate taken too much power. This new concession gives me hope—more hope than I had after the Truce.”

“Holy shit, really?” I asked, stopping us both and pulling back to grab his arm and meet his eyes. He nodded. I stood there, stunned, my eyes starting to burn. He frowned. “Zack?”

I shook my head, unable to speak. He'd been a pessimist as long as I'd known him. I had never expected him to say anything so optimistic. His lips parted, but before he could say anything, I pulled him into a tight hug. Paranoia, I expected. He had said that peace was but the lull between wars. Hope? Hope, from Lukas, for peace?After the hell we had been through? How could he make me believe in it?

“Zack!” Lukas rubbed my back vigorously, trying to get me to let him go. I shook my head against his shoulder before wiping my eyes on it. He started murmuring in German, confused. I finally let him go and stepped back so that I could kiss him. When I pulled back, he still looked concerned. “Did I resolve some conflict you were facing?”

“I don't think I can really put it into words,” I said. “Or I don't want to. Just... You give me hope.”

“I feel you are not saying something that you believe would upset me,” he said, frowning. I shook my head.

“You don't know how much you mean to me, I think,” I told him as I quickly looked around to make sure nothing had happened while I was distracted.

“Hmm, I had thought that it was more than life itself. Can it be more than that?” he asked.

“Told you I couldn't explain,” I said as I resumed my patrol. “I feel better about a lot of things. I'm glad you came with me tonight, even if you're just worried about me in light of everything...”

“That is not my only motivation at all,” Lukas said. “I have no other way to spend enough time with you right now. If I could follow you to the hospital, then right now, I would. I have finished... clinging to Sarah. It is your turn, but you will not be still.”

“You can always come have lunch with me,” I invited him. My heart was swollen with happiness.

“Then I will,” he said. We looked up at the sky together and rested our heads against each other. I tried to see the same future he saw in those stars. After a few moments, I felt like I could see it. In that time, the future looked beautiful and infinite





LH Short Story: Pandemic

Lost Humanity Short Story

This story is provided for free by H.S. Kallinger as part of the Lost Humanity universe.
Timing: between end and epilogue of World of Lost Souls
Content Warnings: pandemic, medical gore, references to violence against children 
Author Note: This was written at the beginning of the real world Covid-19 pandemic, but publication was delayed due to a need for escapism. That escapism is turning into attempted erasure, so I'm releasing how this went down in Zack's world (delayed by a little over a decade because of the vampire effect on their universe)


Pandemic


“Can you imagine if this pandemic had hit before you started working here? Or worse, when we were at war?” Angela asked me.

“Yes, I can,” I muttered, looking at the rows of beds in front of me. I'd seen pictures of makeshift hospitals from history. I'd never expected to be working in one. “I also could imagine how much better this could be going if people had obeyed social distancing orders, if they'd just taken it seriously as soon as it hit South Korea from Italy. When they showed us how a real pandemic response should work.”

“We aren't doing as bad as Italy,” Angela said. “We learned from their mistakes. The president did everything she could right away.”

“It's not the government I'm talking about. It's the people,” I said, waving my hand in front of me. “I'm so grateful that we can cope with all of this, that the regular hospitals were immediately segregated from COVID-30 cases. I'm glad people can stay home from work and not worry about starving. I'm angry that they didn't. I'm furious that businesses put money over human lives and stayed open without following any of the suggested safety measures until they were mandated. I'm livid that people kept partying and enraged over that asshole doctor who let his friend return from the Italian Alps and infect an entire hospital! It's great everyone has healthcare, but we didn't need everyone to have to use it.”

“Dang, you managed to come up with a whole fuckton of ways to say how pissed off you are,” Angela joked. She turned and coughed. I stared at her. “Spit! I just choked on spit! I tested negative this morning.”

“I can't even smell healthy from sick anymore,” I said, relieved. “Everything everywhere smells sick.”

“If we didn't have vampire healthcare workers, more of us humans would be on the front lines.”

“You could go home and isolate,” I said, shooting her a compassionate look. She shook her head.

“No. I was already exposed, and I've kept re-exposing myself. I'd lose my mind at home with nothing to do.”

“Well, we need one more batch of vents printed,” I said. “Then we've got everyone covered.”

“How many are you going to infect?” Angela asked me softly.

“Six have requested it, but only three passed the screener,” I answered quietly.

“Ugh, what do you do for the other three?” she asked. I met her grey eyes, only just visible behind the lab glasses between her mask and cap.

“Let them die,” I answered, trying not to feel anything about it. “Honestly, I think two of them are going to recover. One... Leukemia sucks without this kind of shit.”

“Is that hard? Knowing you could save every person in here?” she whispered.

“Yes,” I whispered back. “But not as hard as you'd think. One of them won't quit using the d-word and swearing about Italians. I'd love to introduce him to my vampire brother from Italy.”

“Xenophobic fuck,” Angela swore, glaring out at the beds. A monitor went off, and I ran over to the patient without hesitation. He needed to be intubated, so I called over Dennis. Every VUT medic in the area was working in this hospital with me. I hadn't been home in a week. I wouldn't be home until this was over. None of us would. Those of us able to be awake in the day were up and working all day long with the human doctors. There weren't enough of us for that. It was like the reverse of typical hospital staffing. We were better staffed at night.

The countries not allowing for vampire medical practitioners had all lifted their bans. Vampire doctors, nurses, and medics the world over were working, some of them for the first time in decades. The desire to become a vampire had skyrocketed, and I'd been refusing requests every night. No one who didn't have a prior relationship with vampires was even eligible. Then they needed to pass the general screening all vampires went through. Finally, they had to prove it wasn't a panic response and that they weren't going to regret it. We couldn't just let the vampire population explode.

“It's been nice working together again,” Dennis said as we finished with the patient.

“I agree. You guys don't come see me enough. Treating all your own patients. Selfish,” I teased.

“Do you know how much better the new station is?”

“Enough that they didn't bother making it number two, but totally replaced the original,” I said.

“Like, I know we're right down the street from your house and all, but you don't take shifts anymore,” he pouted at me.

“My son was shot, and my daughter had her face beat in, man,” I reminded him as we walked way. He winced. “If I'm not working at the hospital or doing guard rounds, I'm with the kids. I could have lost them. It was so close...”

“I get it. It's just been two and a half years, so I guess I figured I'd see you back for a shift here and there by now,” he said.

“Aww, do you miss me?”

“Shut up.”

“You do! I miss you, too,” I said and threw my arm across his shoulder.

“Oh my god, get off me,” he said, laughing and pushing me away. “Social distancing!”

“That's for humans!” I whispered. I resisted another joke because we were in a room with people in critical condition, dying from a disease their immune systems had no protection for.

“This could've been you,” Dennis said, looking at a patient in his forties. I shrugged.

“Naw, I would have died from an aneurysm before this,” I said. Dennis shook his head.

“You might not have.”

“Hey.” I held up a hand and looked at a patient across the room. “Someone's waking up.”

Sure enough, the monitor went off, announcing one of our comatose patients was fighting his tube. I was standing next to her a second later, Dennis right by my side. A few other medics had moved for the patient, but they backed off when they saw us get to work extubating her. She vomited a mess of mucus, but Dennis caught it in a bowl. He didn't even look away. I remembered him as a fresh faced EMT-B, unable to handle this part of the job. He'd come such a long way. I was proud of him.

“That's right, keep coughing, clear those lungs,” I encouraged her. She retched up a horrible amount of blood, and my hopes for her recovery sank. That had come from her lungs. Fuck. She probably had a pulmonary embolism. I kept encouraging her until she fell back against the bed, exhausted. A doctor came over, and I stepped away to give him the report and show him the bowl.

“Let's get her started on heparin and get an ultrasound to see how bad it is,” he ordered. I recorded it in my charting tablet. Humans were as hands off as they could be here. Vampires were doing all the charting to avoid infection via contaminated equipment. I passed the ultrasound order off to another medic and returned to the patient, who was looking around in horror.

“How did I get here?” she asked me.

“You were transported when you tested positive for COVID-30,” I explained. Tears ran from her eyes. I pointed to the mask she was refusing to let Dennis put on her. “Hi, I'm Nurse Zack. We're going to get some medicine in you to help with the blood clot, but we also need to get you back on oxygen. If you don't want to see the room, I can also get you a virtual reality rig so you can pretend you're somewhere else.”

“Aren't those big and heavy? My neck already hurts,” she said. I pointed to a patient a few rows away.

“You see that visor over his eyes? That's the VR rig. It's a therapy model designed to be used in hospitals. We can sterilize them, and they weigh only half a pound. Technology has come a long way since the big sets. I had one of those when I was still human years and years ago.”

“You're not human?” she asked, looking up at me in surprise.

“Most of us aren't. We can't get sick with this,” I said, smiling reassuringly. She smiled back and rested against her pillow, letting Dennis put the mask back on her.

“Yes, please, for the virtual reality thing,” she said. “That sounds nice. Can I be on the beach?”

“That's our most popular destination,” I said, smiling to keep her smiling back. Whether she was going to survive or not, there was no reason for her to suffer and be afraid. The better she felt psychologically, the better her chances of survival.

“Thank you, Nurse Zack,” she said.

“You're welcome, Abigail,” I said, reading her name off her bracelet quickly. Dennis had already gone to retrieve a VR rig, so I left him to it. I found Angela at the 3D printer, pulling off fresh vents. I was so glad we had the technology for all of this. If it had happened a decade ago...

No. I wasn't going to keep thinking about that. We were going to get this under control. Fucking mutant virus. I took another survey of the room and suppressed a sigh. Everyone was as stable as they were going to get. I checked out heparin and returned to Abigail to put it in her IV. She was relaxed and smiling under her mask. She looked around as far as she comfortably could and coughed a bit. It sounded much better. Still.

I walked around in a mild daze, back into the surreal nature of minding a modern death ward. Most of the people here were elderly or had weakened immune systems. We had a twenty-four year old diabetic who didn't look well, too. I missed my family. But, at the same time, I was glad they were safe at home in our isolated neighborhood. I'd video chat with everyone on my break after I ate.

Lukas was trying to talk Eva out of changing. She was almost nineteen. Garret and Bonnie had both told her to wait a little longer, that they would have, but she knew what she wanted. She'd been hell bent on this for years, so it was no surprise. She'd passed the screener with zero issues. Her age was the only marker we were trying to convince her to wait to clear. I didn't waste any of our precious time on it. She knew my feelings. She would either listen to her other parents or she would join us in eternal life just a little too young.

I wished dhampir were immune. I was glad we had so many kids on our street, but I was worried about the kids missing their friends at school for the rest of the year, which was probably just going to happen at this point. Switching to online schooling for them was strange but doable. Toby and Julian were devastated over missing out on clubs, though. Mia kept video conferencing her therapist, and I was glad that it was an option for her.

That reminded me that it was almost social hour, when everyone who was conscious and had family with a VR device could dive in and see their families. Some of them, for the last time. I was scared for my mom and Charlie. They'd moved in together only a few months ago, and now they were in self-isolation for safety. I was worried about Sarah's parents, too. John might piss me off a lot, but I didn't want him to die... certainly not like this.

I didn't want anyone else to die like this. Which was why this was my life for the foreseeable future. I'd faced terrorists, serial killers, gifted vampires, and even the Emperor. I'd be damned if I survived all of that with my family to lose a single one of them to a mutated cold virus. Since I couldn't do anything to protect them directly, I would work to help here and protect everyone else in order to protect them.

Now, if humans would just fucking stay home...