Hope is dead
she licked the salt
running down the wood
what's in your head
is not her fault
She'd go if she could
this rope's tight
around her wrists
is it supposed to hurt?
her head's light
can't feel her fists
she said it's in the dirt
blackened nails
chipped, peeling paint
her body's so soft
singing whales
a last refrain
you finally got off
It wasn't an accident.
I saw what you did when you thought no one was looking, and I followed you down that alley. I admit that I didn't expect the little door hidden in the shadows. You hadn't noticed me, so I listened to how you secured entry and waited a few minutes to repeat you.
Once inside, it didn't take very long to find you again. You seemed to know everyone there. I had never been in a literal hole in the wall before, but you know how much I love an adventure. Nearly as much as I love pursuing a mystery to find an Interesting Person.
Since you knew everyone--or appeared to--I stood out. Not one to leave a stranger lurking in the corner, clearly lost, you greeted me cheerfully. I told the truth: I was new. You were delighted to show me around this place into which I hadn't technically been invited.
Neither of us knew how important that meeting would be. The world will never know the things we've done together, but I do believe it's finally time to confess that I was an intruder in your world, drawn in by such an unexpected act.
Don't worry. I'll never tell anyone what it was, of course.
Just as I know you'll never tell them what I am.
---
This was written in response to one of those "Tell everyone how we met, only lie" memes on Facebook that got away from me.
the hunter
seven points
bright burning in the negative space
can you see the colors?
can you see me?
do you only count to three?
I am the void that frames the stars
looking from far away
it's cold and dark and empty
I think that's all you see
you don't get closer
afraid you'll freeze
afraid you'll burn
I am the void
that negative space
you only see the stars
you think that's where you should look
if you stop they'll pull you in
you'll never break away
you'll disintegrate
burn in a flash
get closer
closer to me
it's the dust
it's the clouds
that's where I'll be
behind the pressure of glittering diamond showers
please enjoy the view
now look again
and tell me what you see
Lost Humanity Short Story
This story is provided for free by H.S. Kallinger as part of the Lost Humanity universe.
Timing: sometime during World of Lost Souls
Content Warnings: none. this is fluff
Sarah, Garret and I stumbled into the house, laughing. We'd had a great night hunting, and we were all hyper. Garret and Sarah couldn't stop giggling the whole way home while I drove, and I was excited to finally get in on it. I got the door shut just in time for Garret to pounce me and growl at my neck.
“Is that so?” I asked with a grin. I dashed across the room with him clinging to me and flipped around to land on top of him on the couch, making us both laugh. Sarah jumped on top of me and started tickling us both until I accidentally hit her in the head with my own, and she yowled. I apologized as she fell off the couch, holding her head, but she just laughed from the floor. I sat up, releasing Garret. We both reached for Sarah and pulled her up to snuggle between us. We got all the laughter out and took a few minutes to just enjoy holding each other.
“Garret?” Sarah's voice was soft and uncertain.
“Aye, pet, what is it?”
“Can I ask a few questions?”
“Have at it.”
“Why do you hate labels?” Sarah turned to him, and I settled my chin on top of her head to look at him with her.
“I telt you—they create expectations that might not match the reality.”
“Usually when someone chooses their own labels,” I said, “they do it knowing that it's a way to tell a story about themselves quickly or to let others know that they aren't alone.”
“I...” Garret looked away and sighed. “You's both so young. I try to imagine growing up in this world where you can say you're gay or bi or whatever and it don't mean you'll be arrested or worse. There's so many labels now and all, and I—when I was young...”
“Just 'sodomites,' right?” I asked, remembering Carrie Brownstone's wife's comment from years ago.
“Aye, if they was bein' polite.”
“So, you're just a crotchety old man stuck in the past?” I teased. Garret shot me a dirty look. Sarah grabbed his arm.
“Ignore him. I'm sorry. I just... can't imagine what it's like growing up when you did, either,” Sarah offered. Garret smiled down at her and kissed her forehead.
“All right, pet. If you was me, what labels would you wear?”
“Oh. I don't want to label you. I wanted you to try to label yourself,” Sarah said. “I want to know how you'd describe yourself now. Years ago, it was 'not anything.' But you're not 'not anything,' you're a beautiful, kind, sexy, promiscuous you.”
“You're right. I'm not the same as then,” Garret said. His aqua eyes met mine over Sarah's head. “I don't know if I'm bisexual or pansexual—that's the word for 'gender doesn't matter,' aye?”
“That's the one,” I agreed. “I still use bisexual because gender does matter to me. I—I'm attracted to people of all genders, but how I'm attracted changes. I dunno. They both work for me. And like Jamie made me realize, I'm demisexual. I'm not sure if that fits? I do experience primary sexual attraction, but the thought of following through with it when I don't have an emotional attachment to someone... it repulses me. So, yeah, that's confusing.”
“Aye, and I don't experience the primary attraction, so does that mean I'm demi as well?” Garret asked.
“You're the one labeling you,” I answered, and he snorted.
“And demiromantic?” Sarah offered.
“Is that a thing?” Garret asked her. “Like, is that what it is when I'm only in love wiv one person in all this time?”
“Yeah, it's the romantic version of demisexual,” Sarah said. Garret stared at me, wide-eyed.
“There's a word for it?” he whispered. My own eyes widened as I watched raw emotion pass over his face. I couldn't translate it.
“There's a word for pretty much everything if you look hard enough,” Sarah said, touching his face. He looked down at her. “You aren't alone. But don't worry. You're still just you.”
“Ta,” he said softly before kissing her. “I still don't think I'm ready for any labels, though. Not yet. Maybe not ever. Now, you said there was more than one question?”
“Yeah, one I've wondered a really long time. Why didn't you want to try to seduce me?” Sarah asked.
“'Cause you wasn't ever alone. You was always with Zack or Jamie or Lukas. And you wouldn't be bothered none by my flirting with him, but if I'd flirted with you?”
“I'd have been jealous and angry,” I finished.
“Aye. Zack was the only safe target. He says I might've done better than Uriah, but I'm afraid he might've seduced me right back.”
“Ooh, it could have been all Romeo and Juliet without either of you being foolish enough to kill yourselves!”
“Only until the part where the families reconciled over the lovers. I'd'a had to choose a side. I didn't know how to not choose Justin then. Lookin' back at how mental he'd gone, I think he mighta killed me for it.”
“For falling in love?” I asked, my heart hurting at the pain in his eyes.
“Lovin' you but never him.”
“He didn't love you.”
“Disn't matter,” he said so softly that I almost missed it. “Mebbes he would've loved me if I loved him.”
“Doesn't work that way, sweetie,” Sarah said, touching his arm. He looked up at her, and she kissed him. She met his eyes again after a moment. “Love doesn't cost love, and I fully believe you have always been worth loving.”
He rested his forehead against hers for a moment, and I stroked his hair. She suddenly sat back, moved up to her knees and pulled his head to her shoulder. I saw a tear on her cheek that wasn't hers, and I wrapped my arms around them both.
“We all love you,” I told him.
“Aye, and I you,” he answered, his voice soft and even. I pulled away enough to look at his face. His eyes were closed, and he wore a contented smile. Happiness swelled up in me. He was happy. He was happy to love us. My hug that followed that joyful realization was too enthusiastic, and they both protested being squished. I still took a moment to breathe in both their scents before I relaxed. The two of them laughed.
“What was that for?” Garret asked.
“For you. Because I'll never get tired of holding you.”
“To have and to hold,” Sarah murmured.
“Aye, let's turn on some Depeche Mode and have it off,” Garret said with a grin. “Actions over words and all that.”
“I have the Deftones cover of that on my phone...” I trailed off as I pulled my phone out and looked for it.
“Sod that. Zack, be a love and fetch my vinyl,” Garret said. I laughed as I stood up to comply. He grinned at me as he sat back and pulled Sarah into his lap, his hand disappearing under her shirt. I hurried off on my errand, not wanting to miss anything.
someday I'll be a ghost
just words on a memory post
and if words are all I'll leave behind
there'll be nothing left to remind
the world I was even here
when the servers disappear
ones and zeroes, off and on
all you're reading will be gone
shoulda carved the words somewhere deep
before I drifted off to sleep
Undermined
I'mma go lay out and float
through all the waves
ocean's already in my throat
been there for days
why'd I open up my mouth
it's never good
been a victim of this drought
chokin on wood
I'm just breathing here
trying not to lose myself
trying to get through this hell
nightmare we made ourselves
I wish I could forget
now I got ten regrets
all carved in pain
all under your name
all under my
under my
undermined
fuck you! you don't own me
fuck you! you can't control me
push me down, push me down
hold me down, hold me down
is this what I mean to you?
you're cultivating flowers
where once we both stood
you think you envy me
you think it's all good
I'm alone and adrift
but please come on in
the water's cold and empty
and I don't know how to swim
I'm just breathing here
trying not to lose myself
trying to get through this hell
nightmare we made ourselves
I wish I could forget
now I got ten regrets
all carved in pain
all under your name
all under my
under my
undermined
I'm undermined
again
You see something
that's not there
(I wish I could forget)
it was taken
I was unaware
(now I got ten regrets)
I wish I could forget
I wish I could forget
I wish I could forget
all under your name
all carved in pain
underwater again
