Lost Humanity Short Story
This story is provided for free by H.S. Kallinger as part of the Lost Humanity universe.
Timing: toward the end of
Bridges, shortly before Eva's fifth birthday.
Content Warnings: infidelitous thoughts, ableist language
Dad
Stupid
dreams. Why did Sarah have to be gone when I woke up today? Why did I
have to keep having these dreams? I'd been awake for an hour, and I
was still miserably horny. I couldn't close my eyes without seeing
long, red hair that definitely didn't belong to my wife and I
definitely didn't need to be thinking about. All day. All
fucking day, I'd dreamed...
I
erased the search I'd just made. I didn't need to look at his
Facebook page. I'd set mine to hidden after he sent me the friend
request, but after days of waffling turned into weeks, I'd accepted
it. He didn't post a lot. He'd picked up Bitstrips from me, though,
before it was shut down. His strips seemed lonely, somehow.
He
couldn't see any of my posts of the kids or specifics of my daily
life. I had those locked away from all my friends except Sarah,
Lukas, Jamie, Bonnie, Mom, Steve, and a couple other people I really
trusted. Mom never interacted with anything, but she talked to me
about what she read on my social media, so I knew her lurking game
was on point. Steve didn't interact either, though he messaged me
through the site plenty.
I
saw Vincent's name liking one of Lukas's NASA posts and got annoyed.
He was the only one of Lukas's pets that actually interacted with his
Facebook posts. This was at least his second account, too. He'd
deleted the first, and when he did, all his old comments vanished. I
didn't like that it gave me mixed feelings. I was mostly happy not to
see him on everything Lukas did, but there was also some sadness that
someone could just disappear like that. Even if I didn't like
him, Lukas and Sarah did. His posts to Sarah had poofed, too.
He
hadn't been saying much to anyone lately. I was sometimes tempted to
send him a friend request just to see what kind of shit he posted on
a friends filter, but that was just being nosy. I commented on the
picture. It was beautiful. Lukas's love of space photography was
always a nice sight on my timeline. Lukas only commented on people's
posts. He never 'liked' anything. And most of the time, he posted in
German, even when replying to posts that were in English. I smiled. I
loved him so much.
“Daddy,
what's a damn-pyre?” Eva asked. I looked up from my phone,
wondering what the fuck that was supposed to mean. Was it religious?
Something about Hell?
“What
are you reading?” I asked. Sarah had left Eva because she was
napping, and Eva had been the one to wake me up when she got up.
“This,”
she said, holding up the book. It was a children's chapter book,
which surprised me.
“You're
reading this? By yourself?” I asked. She was only four! Yes, her
fifth birthday was close, but how was she reading a chapter book at
four?
“Yes.
It says Timmy is a dam-pire. What's that?” she pointed to the word
'dhampir.'
“That's
dahm-peer,” I said.
“Timmy is a dhampir, which means his father is a vampire. See? He's
explaining that to Mary right here. 'It's because my dad is a
vampire.' Keep reading. It's great to ask, but you should always
check the next couple sentences to make sure you don't get the answer
first. Also, some people say dam-peer, but the ah version is the most
common. Maybe because I've mostly heard European vampires say it. But
even the American vampires I know pronounce it with the ah sound.
It's only humans that say 'damp.'”
“Can
I have my book back, please?” she asked, holding out her hand. I
rolled my eyes as I handed it back. Well, I'd had two minutes of
distraction. Just a few months ago, she was still listening when I
gave those lectures. I tried not to let it hurt my feelings. At least
she'd only asked for her book back.
“Who
gave you permission to grow up so fast?” I muttered.
“I
don't need permission,” she said. “It's my job.”
“Your
job is to be a kid and play,” I argued.
“Shh,
Dad. I'm reading,” she said. 'Dad?' What the hell? When did I
become just 'Dad?' Oh, I didn't like that. I didn't like it at all. I
picked up my phone listlessly, but I didn't turn it back on. “Daddy?”
“Yeah?”
I replied.
“Why
are you sad?” she asked. She put her book down and hurried over to
hug me.
“I'm
fine,” I said, taking the hug.
“Your
face is sad,” she said, pushing on my cheeks to make me smile. I
smiled for her.
“You're
just growing up so fast. I love you. Don't mind me.”
“Is
it because I called you Dad?” she asked. Damn, she was observant.
“I'm
not sure I'm ready to be just 'Dad,'” I admitted. She nodded.
“Okay.
I'll call you Daddy then,” she said. She pushed my bangs away to
kiss my forehead. “I'll try not to grow up too fast, too. But I'm
still going to read big books.”
“You
should absolutely read big books,” I said. I hugged her and swung
side to side until her squealing giggles hurt my ears too much to
continue. I set her down to go back to her book, feeling much better.
I glanced at the wound on my arm, which was itching abominably. It
looked like it was time to take out the stitches. I'd wait until I
wasn't alone with a kid for that. Well, technically, Lukas was home,
but he was dead to the world, so he was no use to me. I picked up my
phone to distract myself and gave in to the temptation to click on
Garret's profile picture. I stared at it. Fuck, he was beautiful.
Photographic evidence that I hadn't imagined it stared back at me.
I
closed it. I shouldn't do that, dammit. I was already dreaming about
him. I had thought I'd gotten the obsessive thoughts about him out
when he'd left after turning on Uriah. The dreams had been sporadic,
and the daydreams even more so. It hadn't lasted. The closer I got to
becoming a vampire, it seemed like I thought about him all the more.
Ugh,
becoming a vampire. I really needed to pick a date. My mom's reaction
had me depressed, though. I wondered what my dad would have thought?
Dad. When had I last called him Daddy? When I was six,
maybe? He hadn't been upset when I'd made the switch. If anything, he
seemed to like it better. Was it the difference in having a daughter?
Or was it that we just had such different feelings about fatherhood?
Had he been proud of me when I started chapter books? He
wouldn't be proud of me now, choosing to die and become a vampire.
“I'm
really proud of you, you know that?” I said to Eva. She looked up
and smiled.
“I'm
proud of you, too!” she said. I laughed softly, filled with warmth.
I wondered if she knew what that meant. I didn't care. It was so
sweet, which was one of all the things I was proud of her for.
“I
love you, baby,” I said.
“I
love you, too, Daddy,” she said. She put her book down again and
ran over to give me another hug. I took it happily. Even in the
middle of a shitty month, this was something I could rely on—my
wonderful little girl. I hoped she always knew how happy I was to be
her dad.
