LH Short Story: Dad

Lost Humanity Short Story

This story is provided for free by H.S. Kallinger as part of the Lost Humanity universe.
Timing: toward the end of Bridges, shortly before Eva's fifth birthday.
Content Warnings: infidelitous thoughts, ableist language

Dad

Stupid dreams. Why did Sarah have to be gone when I woke up today? Why did I have to keep having these dreams? I'd been awake for an hour, and I was still miserably horny. I couldn't close my eyes without seeing long, red hair that definitely didn't belong to my wife and I definitely didn't need to be thinking about. All day. All fucking day, I'd dreamed...

I erased the search I'd just made. I didn't need to look at his Facebook page. I'd set mine to hidden after he sent me the friend request, but after days of waffling turned into weeks, I'd accepted it. He didn't post a lot. He'd picked up Bitstrips from me, though, before it was shut down. His strips seemed lonely, somehow.

He couldn't see any of my posts of the kids or specifics of my daily life. I had those locked away from all my friends except Sarah, Lukas, Jamie, Bonnie, Mom, Steve, and a couple other people I really trusted. Mom never interacted with anything, but she talked to me about what she read on my social media, so I knew her lurking game was on point. Steve didn't interact either, though he messaged me through the site plenty.

I saw Vincent's name liking one of Lukas's NASA posts and got annoyed. He was the only one of Lukas's pets that actually interacted with his Facebook posts. This was at least his second account, too. He'd deleted the first, and when he did, all his old comments vanished. I didn't like that it gave me mixed feelings. I was mostly happy not to see him on everything Lukas did, but there was also some sadness that someone could just disappear like that. Even if I didn't like him, Lukas and Sarah did. His posts to Sarah had poofed, too.

He hadn't been saying much to anyone lately. I was sometimes tempted to send him a friend request just to see what kind of shit he posted on a friends filter, but that was just being nosy. I commented on the picture. It was beautiful. Lukas's love of space photography was always a nice sight on my timeline. Lukas only commented on people's posts. He never 'liked' anything. And most of the time, he posted in German, even when replying to posts that were in English. I smiled. I loved him so much.

“Daddy, what's a damn-pyre?” Eva asked. I looked up from my phone, wondering what the fuck that was supposed to mean. Was it religious? Something about Hell?

“What are you reading?” I asked. Sarah had left Eva because she was napping, and Eva had been the one to wake me up when she got up.

“This,” she said, holding up the book. It was a children's chapter book, which surprised me.

“You're reading this? By yourself?” I asked. She was only four! Yes, her fifth birthday was close, but how was she reading a chapter book at four?

“Yes. It says Timmy is a dam-pire. What's that?” she pointed to the word 'dhampir.'

“That's dahm-peer,” I said. “Timmy is a dhampir, which means his father is a vampire. See? He's explaining that to Mary right here. 'It's because my dad is a vampire.' Keep reading. It's great to ask, but you should always check the next couple sentences to make sure you don't get the answer first. Also, some people say dam-peer, but the ah version is the most common. Maybe because I've mostly heard European vampires say it. But even the American vampires I know pronounce it with the ah sound. It's only humans that say 'damp.'”

“Can I have my book back, please?” she asked, holding out her hand. I rolled my eyes as I handed it back. Well, I'd had two minutes of distraction. Just a few months ago, she was still listening when I gave those lectures. I tried not to let it hurt my feelings. At least she'd only asked for her book back.

“Who gave you permission to grow up so fast?” I muttered.

“I don't need permission,” she said. “It's my job.”

“Your job is to be a kid and play,” I argued.

“Shh, Dad. I'm reading,” she said. 'Dad?' What the hell? When did I become just 'Dad?' Oh, I didn't like that. I didn't like it at all. I picked up my phone listlessly, but I didn't turn it back on. “Daddy?”

“Yeah?” I replied.

“Why are you sad?” she asked. She put her book down and hurried over to hug me.

“I'm fine,” I said, taking the hug.

“Your face is sad,” she said, pushing on my cheeks to make me smile. I smiled for her.

“You're just growing up so fast. I love you. Don't mind me.”

“Is it because I called you Dad?” she asked. Damn, she was observant.

“I'm not sure I'm ready to be just 'Dad,'” I admitted. She nodded.

“Okay. I'll call you Daddy then,” she said. She pushed my bangs away to kiss my forehead. “I'll try not to grow up too fast, too. But I'm still going to read big books.”

“You should absolutely read big books,” I said. I hugged her and swung side to side until her squealing giggles hurt my ears too much to continue. I set her down to go back to her book, feeling much better. I glanced at the wound on my arm, which was itching abominably. It looked like it was time to take out the stitches. I'd wait until I wasn't alone with a kid for that. Well, technically, Lukas was home, but he was dead to the world, so he was no use to me. I picked up my phone to distract myself and gave in to the temptation to click on Garret's profile picture. I stared at it. Fuck, he was beautiful. Photographic evidence that I hadn't imagined it stared back at me.

I closed it. I shouldn't do that, dammit. I was already dreaming about him. I had thought I'd gotten the obsessive thoughts about him out when he'd left after turning on Uriah. The dreams had been sporadic, and the daydreams even more so. It hadn't lasted. The closer I got to becoming a vampire, it seemed like I thought about him all the more.

Ugh, becoming a vampire. I really needed to pick a date. My mom's reaction had me depressed, though. I wondered what my dad would have thought? Dad. When had I last called him Daddy? When I was six, maybe? He hadn't been upset when I'd made the switch. If anything, he seemed to like it better. Was it the difference in having a daughter? Or was it that we just had such different feelings about fatherhood? Had he been proud of me when I started chapter books? He wouldn't be proud of me now, choosing to die and become a vampire.

“I'm really proud of you, you know that?” I said to Eva. She looked up and smiled.

“I'm proud of you, too!” she said. I laughed softly, filled with warmth. I wondered if she knew what that meant. I didn't care. It was so sweet, which was one of all the things I was proud of her for.

“I love you, baby,” I said.

“I love you, too, Daddy,” she said. She put her book down again and ran over to give me another hug. I took it happily. Even in the middle of a shitty month, this was something I could rely on—my wonderful little girl. I hoped she always knew how happy I was to be her dad.

Eva

Zack

Garret