Thursday, December 29, 2022

LH Short Story: Military Musings

 Lost Humanity Short Story

This story is provided for free by H.S. Kallinger as part of the Lost Humanity universe.
Timing: directly after end but before epilogue of World of Lost Souls
Content Warnings: police, military draft


Military Musings


“I cannot believe that we hid for the entire conflict,” Lukas muttered in German as he glanced across the park to a crowd of protesters chanting next to a group of attentive police. Even five years after the demilitarization and budget slashing of police that had happened a year after the state sponsored child kidnappings, I still hadn't gotten used to the sight of them without riot gear at events like this. But we hadn't had riots at protests in just as long, either. I wondered if they were afraid of the crowd, or if they had lost the fear when police-public conflict had dropped with the those changes to the system. They were watching the protesters closely, but none of them looked especially nervous. That was strange, too. I hadn't really been to a protest since the riots back then.

If you'd been involved, the body count would have been higher,” I teased him, continuing in German.

Are you saying that I lack diplomacy?” He asked, a twinkle in his eye.

Are you saying that you wanted to be involved as a diplomat?” I countered.

I could have,” he said softly, surprising me. He switched to English. “But your criticism of my inclination to fight instead is valid. I could also have become an officer in the army, moved to a Sergeant Major, and organized rather than continued to lead my own brigade, but I did not even pursue leadership so far as to earn my diamond, become a First Sergeant. St. John did.”

“St. John outranks you?” I asked, surprised. Lukas shook his head.

“Only were we on the same unit now. We did serve together in Iraq. It was why I signed on. He was escaping the loss of his wife, and I joined him. When we fought in Bosnia, we were not together, and he stayed on longer than I. If we return at the same time to the same brigade, then he would be my commander. Which is possible with how they rarely put vampires on assignment with humans, preferring to station us together as vampire Special Forces. They do the same with dhampir who are physically exceptional, only they seldom have the Special Forces designation. It depends on if we choose the same track, however.

“Most vampires either fight other countries' vampires or do direct action, but there is also unconventional warfare. When they attempted to desegregate vampires and humans in combat, it was found that the humans relied too heavily on the vampire or vampires but also resented—why have you not interrupted me yet?” He stopped walking and turned to peer at me. I snorted.

“I was listening,” I answered, continuing to walk. We would be passing the protesters before we turned back. That was why I was here, after all. This was a potential problem zone. Lukas's restlessness had led to him following me around on patrol tonight. There was no reason he couldn't, but the guards had all been obnoxiously formal during the change, visibly nervous. They probably suspected an inspection. They had done it to me the first few times I'd taken shifts. He wasn't officially with me; he was just feeling clingy. There was no reason to announce that, though.

Are you focused on your duty? Am I distracting you?” he asked in German. I took his hand and squeezed it.

I can multitask, and no, you're not a distraction. I was really just listening. I've been thinking about this lately,” I answered, switching to German with him. A few cops broke from the rest and shooed away counterprotesters that had run up aggressively to the original group.

The military?

“That proposal to activate selective services against all registered vampires during the conflict here made me look up what I signed when I changed,” I told him, switching back to English as I monitored a skirmish between the police and two counterprotesters. “Obviously, it was ludicrous and wasn't going to matter if they tried it, but it just feels like there's been a lot of strife lately. So I was reading up on the draft and the Army and shit, too.”

“You can ask me anything you like,” he said, his expression perplexed.

“You make me more paranoid than I need to be,” I dismissed. He blew out an amused breath.

“What conclusions did you draw?” he asked.

“I'm thinking that when the kids are all moved out, when Sarah's busy with her work—or if they do activate selective services—I'm going to sign up for the Air Force.”

“The Air Force?” Lukas repeated. He looked up, his expression thoughtful. I waited to see how he responded, if he'd be offended that I didn't want to go Army like he had. “I believe that suits you.”

“Okay, obviously, I think it does, but I want to know what you meant by that,” I said, wrinkling my forehead.

“Soft, pampered, clean, lax discipline? Yes, that suits you quite well,” he answered, his face twitching as he tried to control the amusement shining in his eyes.

“Oh, thank you so much, du Arsch,” I said, struggling not to laugh at his teasing. “Not my fault I'm not just a mindless fighter.”

“When you fight, you can be quite mindless,” he countered. I raised an eyebrow and bobbed my head to the side before nodding in agreement.

“Fair.” I was happy to see the counterprotest leaving. I supported the protesters. Two of the belligerent ones who had fought with the police were being loaded up to be moved away. De-escalation. Two officers were now harassing spectators. I couldn't hear them quite yet.

“You will be a military doctor?” he asked.

“Pararescue,” I replied. Lukas stopped. Again, I ignored him and kept walking.

“I take back my jest,” Lukas said softly before catching up to me. He took my hand this time. “You are just as suited for Special Operations. Vampire PJs are not used in the Air National Guard, so you would be in Florida, Nevada, Arizona... or Okinawa.”

“Worried about me being deployed overseas?” I asked.

“Sarah may not forgive you if you do not become a military doctor instead,” he hedged.

“You're worried about me dying overseas,” I guessed. He sighed.

“Would you not if I were to return to active duty?”

“I worry about you dying going out to eat.” I waved that away with my free hand. “But if I pick my branch now, I never have to worry about being assigned to the Army, which I don't want. Sure, I could still be a military doctor—but with the Air Force, I could be an astronaut.”

“Now you are attempting to make me jealous,” Lukas sulked. “Do you even want to be an astronaut?”

“What kid from my generation didn't want to be one?” I said and laughed.

“If you become the first vampire astronaut...”

“You'd leave me from jealousy?” I teased.

“I am trying to decide if my excitement and pride would outweigh my envy,” he said, laughing. I joined him.

“You there!” One of the cops that had been harassing spectators ran up to us. He glared suspiciously into our eyes. I glanced over at Lukas. He was casting eyeshine. I probably was, too. He turned to Lukas. “Who are you?”

“Master Sergeant Lukas Ritter,” I answered before Lukas could, testing a hypothesis I had. The officer's eyes widened as Lukas continued to stare at him evenly.

“Ah, sorry, sir.” The cop wandered off to bother another gawker, and Lukas's eyes narrowed.

That is the trick? Drop my rank, and off they fuck?” Lukas swore in German. “How many times could that have been used in my favor?”

“I can't believe you never thought of it yourself.”

“I... It did not occur to me that anything could dissuade them from their prejudice. Not even that.” Lukas had let go of my hand when he saw the officer running up to us, and he took it back now. “Will they forgive this as well?”

“I love you,” I said and leaned over to kiss his cheek. I could feel his tension increase momentarily, and then he let go and slid his hand into my back pocket, like he used to do years before. He was on my right, so I had to decide if it would slow me down too much to mirror him for a second before I did it regardless. Maybe he was distracting me a little.

“Are you going to medical school?” Lukas asked. I sighed loudly. “You should look into AFROTC and become an officer so that we need not worry about fraternization. Though, we are married, and I do believe that cancels the rule? But that was only cross-sex marriage when I last read a regulation guide.”

“Only heterosexual marriage was allowed when you last read a regulation guide,” I pointed out. “But if I'm in a different branch of the military, does it matter?”

“Yes,” Lukas answered. “As I was saying, though, after you graduate as a physician, you would automatically have a higher commissioned rank. I believe you would begin as a captain, but it might only be a lieutenant junior grade.”

“That's a first lieutenant in the Air Force,” I corrected him. He raised his eyebrows at me. “I told you I did my homework. I already have the credit for that. Pararescue officers still jump, so I'm fine with that. I've never let my paramedic certification lapse, just kept it going as inactive since school kept fulfilling my continuing education requirements and I had to keep my CPR license active for work. Which cuts out twenty-two weeks from the program. But all of this is for later, so who knows what might change by then.”

“If you are only signing on for fear of a draft—”

“You know I'm not,” I stopped him quietly. We didn't say anything for a few more minutes. “I can't believe Keavy is dead.”

“It always affects me deeply when a vampire who has survived centuries falls, even if it is at my hand,” Lukas told me. “These nights, it feels even worse. I am uncertain why.”

“Probably because you have so many vampires that you love right now,” I suggested. He pulled me closer by the pocket. “Give me your real feelings on my thoughts about becoming a PJ, please.”

“I am conflicted. I am always proud of you, mein Schatz, but moments like this see my pride warring with my selfish desire for you to stay home, stay safe, and stay mine. I want you to grow, to be happy, to explore that which is available to you. I never, ever want harm to come to you, in any form. I do not think a draft likely. I see our country moving quickly further away from the dystopia it could have been had the wrong political candidate taken too much power. This new concession gives me hope—more hope than I had after the Truce.”

“Holy shit, really?” I asked, stopping us both and pulling back to grab his arm and meet his eyes. He nodded. I stood there, stunned, my eyes starting to burn. He frowned. “Zack?”

I shook my head, unable to speak. He'd been a pessimist as long as I'd known him. I had never expected him to say anything so optimistic. His lips parted, but before he could say anything, I pulled him into a tight hug. Paranoia, I expected. He had said that peace was but the lull between wars. Hope? Hope, from Lukas, for peace?After the hell we had been through? How could he make me believe in it?

“Zack!” Lukas rubbed my back vigorously, trying to get me to let him go. I shook my head against his shoulder before wiping my eyes on it. He started murmuring in German, confused. I finally let him go and stepped back so that I could kiss him. When I pulled back, he still looked concerned. “Did I resolve some conflict you were facing?”

“I don't think I can really put it into words,” I said. “Or I don't want to. Just... You give me hope.”

“I feel you are not saying something that you believe would upset me,” he said, frowning. I shook my head.

“You don't know how much you mean to me, I think,” I told him as I quickly looked around to make sure nothing had happened while I was distracted.

“Hmm, I had thought that it was more than life itself. Can it be more than that?” he asked.

“Told you I couldn't explain,” I said as I resumed my patrol. “I feel better about a lot of things. I'm glad you came with me tonight, even if you're just worried about me in light of everything...”

“That is not my only motivation at all,” Lukas said. “I have no other way to spend enough time with you right now. If I could follow you to the hospital, then right now, I would. I have finished... clinging to Sarah. It is your turn, but you will not be still.”

“You can always come have lunch with me,” I invited him. My heart was swollen with happiness.

“Then I will,” he said. We looked up at the sky together and rested our heads against each other. I tried to see the same future he saw in those stars. After a few moments, I felt like I could see it. In that time, the future looked beautiful and infinite





LH Short Story: Pandemic

Lost Humanity Short Story

This story is provided for free by H.S. Kallinger as part of the Lost Humanity universe.
Timing: between end and epilogue of World of Lost Souls
Content Warnings: pandemic, medical gore, references to violence against children 
Author Note: This was written at the beginning of the real world Covid-19 pandemic, but publication was delayed due to a need for escapism. That escapism is turning into attempted erasure, so I'm releasing how this went down in Zack's world (delayed by a little over a decade because of the vampire effect on their universe)


Pandemic


“Can you imagine if this pandemic had hit before you started working here? Or worse, when we were at war?” Angela asked me.

“Yes, I can,” I muttered, looking at the rows of beds in front of me. I'd seen pictures of makeshift hospitals from history. I'd never expected to be working in one. “I also could imagine how much better this could be going if people had obeyed social distancing orders, if they'd just taken it seriously as soon as it hit South Korea from Italy. When they showed us how a real pandemic response should work.”

“We aren't doing as bad as Italy,” Angela said. “We learned from their mistakes. The president did everything she could right away.”

“It's not the government I'm talking about. It's the people,” I said, waving my hand in front of me. “I'm so grateful that we can cope with all of this, that the regular hospitals were immediately segregated from COVID-30 cases. I'm glad people can stay home from work and not worry about starving. I'm angry that they didn't. I'm furious that businesses put money over human lives and stayed open without following any of the suggested safety measures until they were mandated. I'm livid that people kept partying and enraged over that asshole doctor who let his friend return from the Italian Alps and infect an entire hospital! It's great everyone has healthcare, but we didn't need everyone to have to use it.”

“Dang, you managed to come up with a whole fuckton of ways to say how pissed off you are,” Angela joked. She turned and coughed. I stared at her. “Spit! I just choked on spit! I tested negative this morning.”

“I can't even smell healthy from sick anymore,” I said, relieved. “Everything everywhere smells sick.”

“If we didn't have vampire healthcare workers, more of us humans would be on the front lines.”

“You could go home and isolate,” I said, shooting her a compassionate look. She shook her head.

“No. I was already exposed, and I've kept re-exposing myself. I'd lose my mind at home with nothing to do.”

“Well, we need one more batch of vents printed,” I said. “Then we've got everyone covered.”

“How many are you going to infect?” Angela asked me softly.

“Six have requested it, but only three passed the screener,” I answered quietly.

“Ugh, what do you do for the other three?” she asked. I met her grey eyes, only just visible behind the lab glasses between her mask and cap.

“Let them die,” I answered, trying not to feel anything about it. “Honestly, I think two of them are going to recover. One... Leukemia sucks without this kind of shit.”

“Is that hard? Knowing you could save every person in here?” she whispered.

“Yes,” I whispered back. “But not as hard as you'd think. One of them won't quit using the d-word and swearing about Italians. I'd love to introduce him to my vampire brother from Italy.”

“Xenophobic fuck,” Angela swore, glaring out at the beds. A monitor went off, and I ran over to the patient without hesitation. He needed to be intubated, so I called over Dennis. Every VUT medic in the area was working in this hospital with me. I hadn't been home in a week. I wouldn't be home until this was over. None of us would. Those of us able to be awake in the day were up and working all day long with the human doctors. There weren't enough of us for that. It was like the reverse of typical hospital staffing. We were better staffed at night.

The countries not allowing for vampire medical practitioners had all lifted their bans. Vampire doctors, nurses, and medics the world over were working, some of them for the first time in decades. The desire to become a vampire had skyrocketed, and I'd been refusing requests every night. No one who didn't have a prior relationship with vampires was even eligible. Then they needed to pass the general screening all vampires went through. Finally, they had to prove it wasn't a panic response and that they weren't going to regret it. We couldn't just let the vampire population explode.

“It's been nice working together again,” Dennis said as we finished with the patient.

“I agree. You guys don't come see me enough. Treating all your own patients. Selfish,” I teased.

“Do you know how much better the new station is?”

“Enough that they didn't bother making it number two, but totally replaced the original,” I said.

“Like, I know we're right down the street from your house and all, but you don't take shifts anymore,” he pouted at me.

“My son was shot, and my daughter had her face beat in, man,” I reminded him as we walked way. He winced. “If I'm not working at the hospital or doing guard rounds, I'm with the kids. I could have lost them. It was so close...”

“I get it. It's just been two and a half years, so I guess I figured I'd see you back for a shift here and there by now,” he said.

“Aww, do you miss me?”

“Shut up.”

“You do! I miss you, too,” I said and threw my arm across his shoulder.

“Oh my god, get off me,” he said, laughing and pushing me away. “Social distancing!”

“That's for humans!” I whispered. I resisted another joke because we were in a room with people in critical condition, dying from a disease their immune systems had no protection for.

“This could've been you,” Dennis said, looking at a patient in his forties. I shrugged.

“Naw, I would have died from an aneurysm before this,” I said. Dennis shook his head.

“You might not have.”

“Hey.” I held up a hand and looked at a patient across the room. “Someone's waking up.”

Sure enough, the monitor went off, announcing one of our comatose patients was fighting his tube. I was standing next to her a second later, Dennis right by my side. A few other medics had moved for the patient, but they backed off when they saw us get to work extubating her. She vomited a mess of mucus, but Dennis caught it in a bowl. He didn't even look away. I remembered him as a fresh faced EMT-B, unable to handle this part of the job. He'd come such a long way. I was proud of him.

“That's right, keep coughing, clear those lungs,” I encouraged her. She retched up a horrible amount of blood, and my hopes for her recovery sank. That had come from her lungs. Fuck. She probably had a pulmonary embolism. I kept encouraging her until she fell back against the bed, exhausted. A doctor came over, and I stepped away to give him the report and show him the bowl.

“Let's get her started on heparin and get an ultrasound to see how bad it is,” he ordered. I recorded it in my charting tablet. Humans were as hands off as they could be here. Vampires were doing all the charting to avoid infection via contaminated equipment. I passed the ultrasound order off to another medic and returned to the patient, who was looking around in horror.

“How did I get here?” she asked me.

“You were transported when you tested positive for COVID-30,” I explained. Tears ran from her eyes. I pointed to the mask she was refusing to let Dennis put on her. “Hi, I'm Nurse Zack. We're going to get some medicine in you to help with the blood clot, but we also need to get you back on oxygen. If you don't want to see the room, I can also get you a virtual reality rig so you can pretend you're somewhere else.”

“Aren't those big and heavy? My neck already hurts,” she said. I pointed to a patient a few rows away.

“You see that visor over his eyes? That's the VR rig. It's a therapy model designed to be used in hospitals. We can sterilize them, and they weigh only half a pound. Technology has come a long way since the big sets. I had one of those when I was still human years and years ago.”

“You're not human?” she asked, looking up at me in surprise.

“Most of us aren't. We can't get sick with this,” I said, smiling reassuringly. She smiled back and rested against her pillow, letting Dennis put the mask back on her.

“Yes, please, for the virtual reality thing,” she said. “That sounds nice. Can I be on the beach?”

“That's our most popular destination,” I said, smiling to keep her smiling back. Whether she was going to survive or not, there was no reason for her to suffer and be afraid. The better she felt psychologically, the better her chances of survival.

“Thank you, Nurse Zack,” she said.

“You're welcome, Abigail,” I said, reading her name off her bracelet quickly. Dennis had already gone to retrieve a VR rig, so I left him to it. I found Angela at the 3D printer, pulling off fresh vents. I was so glad we had the technology for all of this. If it had happened a decade ago...

No. I wasn't going to keep thinking about that. We were going to get this under control. Fucking mutant virus. I took another survey of the room and suppressed a sigh. Everyone was as stable as they were going to get. I checked out heparin and returned to Abigail to put it in her IV. She was relaxed and smiling under her mask. She looked around as far as she comfortably could and coughed a bit. It sounded much better. Still.

I walked around in a mild daze, back into the surreal nature of minding a modern death ward. Most of the people here were elderly or had weakened immune systems. We had a twenty-four year old diabetic who didn't look well, too. I missed my family. But, at the same time, I was glad they were safe at home in our isolated neighborhood. I'd video chat with everyone on my break after I ate.

Lukas was trying to talk Eva out of changing. She was almost nineteen. Garret and Bonnie had both told her to wait a little longer, that they would have, but she knew what she wanted. She'd been hell bent on this for years, so it was no surprise. She'd passed the screener with zero issues. Her age was the only marker we were trying to convince her to wait to clear. I didn't waste any of our precious time on it. She knew my feelings. She would either listen to her other parents or she would join us in eternal life just a little too young.

I wished dhampir were immune. I was glad we had so many kids on our street, but I was worried about the kids missing their friends at school for the rest of the year, which was probably just going to happen at this point. Switching to online schooling for them was strange but doable. Toby and Julian were devastated over missing out on clubs, though. Mia kept video conferencing her therapist, and I was glad that it was an option for her.

That reminded me that it was almost social hour, when everyone who was conscious and had family with a VR device could dive in and see their families. Some of them, for the last time. I was scared for my mom and Charlie. They'd moved in together only a few months ago, and now they were in self-isolation for safety. I was worried about Sarah's parents, too. John might piss me off a lot, but I didn't want him to die... certainly not like this.

I didn't want anyone else to die like this. Which was why this was my life for the foreseeable future. I'd faced terrorists, serial killers, gifted vampires, and even the Emperor. I'd be damned if I survived all of that with my family to lose a single one of them to a mutated cold virus. Since I couldn't do anything to protect them directly, I would work to help here and protect everyone else in order to protect them.

Now, if humans would just fucking stay home...

 

 

 


Tuesday, November 29, 2022

Shadows

 Shadows


there's a little bot

asking if I need a friend

asking if I'm looking for the end

'cause it's dark again

and I'm collecting shadows


there's a little sound

just down the hall tonight

one behind the window, out of sight

is it coming from the light?

gonna wrap myself in shadows


there's a little doubt

and my head is spinning

all the colors are swimming

away

away

away


I didn't tell the bot

I'm okay now

but it helped somehow

someone somewhere

miles away

handing out shadows

thanks for sharing shadows

with me

Tuesday, October 25, 2022

Three Diamonds

 Three Diamonds


history is in our scars

teeth trace where I have been

the future is in the stars

I'm in the ditch again


made a ladder out of weeds

and a halo out of sound

it gets darker where it leads

search for stars underground


if I do everything you say

you promise I will fly

hold on another day

hold on another lie

let you inside


this can never be my fault

your sweet words sucked me in

and I'm feeding from the salt

found underneath your skin


I never learned much from pain

diamond eyes shine for me

carving stones with your name

you give me history


if I do everything you say

you promise I will fly

hold on another day

hold on another lie

let you inside

let you inside

so come inside


if I do everything you say

you promise I won't die

hold on another day

tomorrow I will fly

I step outside

Thursday, June 16, 2022

LH Short Story: Pride

 Lost Humanity Short Story


This story is provided for free by H.S. Kallinger as part of the Lost Humanity universe.
Timing: after World of Lost Souls. After novelette Growing Family.
Content Warnings: none


Pride

 

 

“Is everyone ready?” I asked.

“I sure hope so. We are the Pride Parade,” Eva joked as she finished tying Freyja's shoe.

“Freyja, you are eleven years old. You can tie your own shoes,” Sarah said.

“Excuse you. I can spoil my sister however I want,” Eva said. “How close to home is Vati?”

“He's...” I pulled up the location tracker on my phone. “Here.”

On cue, the front door opened, and Lukas stepped inside. I dropped my phone. It landed on my foot, and I yelped.

“Shh! Dad!” Mia hissed. She clenched her teeth and checked on her nephew Luke in his car seat. He was still asleep. Zaria sighed and shot me a look. Little Zac mirrored it next to her. I mouthed an apology.

“Babies sleep better if there's a lot of noise,” Sarah commented.

“Constant noise. Not sudden shouting,” Jamie said. “Although I have to admit—I wasn't expecting this.”

“Expecting wha—Vati what did you do to your hair?” Eva exclaimed.

“I told you that I had a haircut scheduled,” he said. He lifted his hand and barely touched the spiked strip of hair running down the center of his head.

“Great. Two of my dads look younger than me now,” Mia grumbled as she adjusted Nova's pigtails. Nova batted her hands away and complained that she wasn't a baby anymore.

“I can't help it, love. You saw my attempt at a beard,” Garret said.

“Oh, it was awful. Please never do that again. I don't know why you all have to change things so much. Is it so much to ask that you just pick a style and maintain it for the rest of my life?” she joked. Mostly. Eva started singing the chorus of David Bowie's 'Changes,' and Mia didn't hesitate to pick up a throw pillow and lob it directly in her face. She was so busy singing that she didn't block it in time.

“Mom!” Eva whined.

“Don't hit your sister,” Sarah reprimanded in the midst of snickering.

“Why do you never warn us when you've decided you want to look like a teenager again?” I asked Lukas, finally having recovered from the shock of seeing him in a mohawk.

“It is more fun for me to see your face,” he answered.

“Okay, van's loaded up,” Julian said from the front door. “Looks good, Vati.”

Danke,” Lukas replied.

“Toby's going to scream,” Eva said.

“Is that new?” Mia asked. “Speaking of new. We finally get to meet his boyfriend.”

“It's about time,” I said, rolling my eyes.

“How long have they been going out now?” Zaria asked as she picked up the baby car seat. Julian hurried over to take it from her, and she picked up the diaper bag and grabbed Little Zac's hand.

“A year,” most of us answered at the same time. Jamie continued, “I can't believe I haven't seen my son in over a year.”

“Same,” I said. “Except on stream, and I'm competing with umpteen fans to talk. Or the concert broadcasts. This is the longest he's been away from California. He usually comes home a few times per tour. I'm glad he's doing what he loves, though.”

“I'm glad he's found someone willing to drop their life and tour with him,” Jamie said. “That's incredibly rare, and he really doesn't handle being alone well. I didn't expect it to be a man, though! He only came out two years ago.”

“Remember when he insisted he wasn't into dudes?” Eva asked. Mia rolled her eyes.

“He needed a good rebellion, and his was pretending to be straight,” I joked.

“Sorry you ended up with a boy,” Harley said to Mia. She chuckled and kissed him.

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” she said over Freyja declaring that boys were gross and that she was definitely marrying a girl. Jamie high-fived her.

“Or doesn't,” Eva chirped. “Romantic love isn't the end all and be all of life experiences.”

“I don't want to hear that from you. How many times have you been in love and had the world end when it was over?” Mia asked.

“Too many,” I said with Eva. She stuck her tongue out at me. “But I support my gray-romantic Da.”

“Ta,” Garret said.

“Have you all decided not to go?” Clara called from the door.

“Oi! Don't leave the bairn in the car alone!” Garret said and pushed through the room as Clara rolled her eyes.

“I wouldn't do that,” she said. “He is anxious to get going, though. Aria is with him.”

“Ah,” he said. He stopped at the door and pulled her into a kiss. He kept his hand on her belly as he stepped back. Liam was three, and they were expecting another boy. There had been a lot of drama and panic attacks after Clara's ultrasound with Liam, but Garret was doing a lot better this pregnancy. The nightmares about Justin, his abusive sire, hadn't returned.

“Stop blocking the doorway, please,” Mia said. Garret snorted and pulled Clara through. We poured out of the house to load up our vehicles. Eva wasn't wrong about us being a parade. I stopped by Clara and Garret's car to coo at my youngest daughter, Aurelia. She was sleeping peacefully in her car seat next to Liam's. She looked so much like Eva had that I was momentarily gripped with nostalgia.

“Hi, Daddy Zack,” Liam said. He had Garret's red hair and blue eyes between the shades of his bio parents. He also got his first freckles this summer, a tiny, light smattering across his nose. I reached out and booped his nose.

“Hey, Liam. You excited?” I asked as he giggled.

“Yeah!”

“Hey, Zack! Are you riding with us? Oh, I guess there isn't really room. I could sit in your lap! Just kidding! Don't give me that look!” Aria said.

“I'll see you again in a little bit,” I said with a laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, you were just here to see the kids, not me,” she said.

“Oh, fine,” I said. I shut the car door and walked around to hers. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the forehead. She beamed up at me. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” she said. I shut her door enough for her to finish closing it and accepted the hug and kiss Garret aimed my way. I hadn't had a lot of time with him lately and took a little longer than I should have. He seemed to feel the same way, though, because he didn't pull away, either. We finally let go together, and I gazed into his aqua eyes with adoration.

“I love you, too,” I said.

“I loved you first,” he said, as he'd taken to when I said that. He didn't mean that he loved me before I loved him. He meant that I'd been the first he'd loved like he did, and it made my heart swell to bursting every time he said it. We touched our foreheads together.

“You can be gay at Pride. That's literally what it's for,” Eva said as she walked past us.

“That's it. You're walking,” I said, as though she wasn't already planning to run and meet up with her latest boyfriend. Eva yelped and jumped. Garret was suddenly very interested in making sure the kids in his car were buckled in.

“Da!” Eva yelled.

“What?” he asked, feigning innocence.

“Dad, Da smacked me with his mind!” Eva said. We both started laughing, and I smacked his butt.

“What have we talked about?” I asked Garret, who was not at all chastened.

“She's no bairn no more,” he said, and she squeaked and ran off out of his range.

“You developing those force pops was the worst thing that could have happened,” I teased him. He smirked.

“We're leaving without you!” Sarah called from our van.

“Rude!” I called back. I gave Garret another kiss before running off to stop directly in front of Sarah and make her shriek. Garret force popped me in the ass, but I ignored it. A reaction only encouraged him, and I didn't need to end up a horny mess. I kissed Sarah and then got into the front seat with Lukas. He leaned over for his kiss and ran his fingers through my hair. I had it down, all the way down to my butt, and brushed until it was shiny and smooth. I sat back and stared at his new hair.

“I like it,” Freyja said.

“Vati's new hair?” I asked.

“Yep! It's cool,” she said and swung her feet. “Can I get a mohawk, too?”

“If you want,” Sarah said as she buckled in. “You know the rule, though.”

“I know, I know. Sit on it for a month,” she said.

“If you still want it then, we'll make an appointment. Vati's hair will still be like this for at least a year at the rate it grows,” Sarah said.

“I could shave it entirely,” Lukas said.

“No!” we all exclaimed together. He flinched.

“Sorry that was so loud,” I said and squeezed his thigh.

“I should have anticipated it,” he said. The drive out to the festival was full of Freyja's music choices since it was her turn to cast. When Sarah and I insisted on singing along, she switched it to less terrible music than the first stuff. I liked plenty of new music, but I hated the specific subgenre of pop she'd discovered.

We got terrible parking at the festival, but it didn't really matter to us. Mia was the only one who was really inconvenienced, since she wouldn't accept a piggyback ride like Aria. The rest of us all easily had the energy, even Clara. Her blonde hair was pulled up in a ponytail with one giant curl, revealing that the underlayers were dyed prismatic mermaid colors.

“Hey!” Toby's call from the gates got all our attention, and we hurried along as quickly as Mia and Harley could go. Except Jamie, who wasn't going to be slowed down from reuniting with our son. I was stunned by his appearance. I'd never seen him with long hair before. It was brushing his shoulders. He also looked fully grown for the first time in his life. How? Just five years ago, he still looked seventeen. The last time I'd seen him, he looked eighteen, tops. Now he looked twenty. Was it the stubble? His blue eyes seemed brighter against the dark tan he was sporting, too.

“Toby!” We called out as we hurried close to him. He let go of the guy his arm was wrapped around and started collecting hugs. I looked what I assumed was his boyfriend over. He had light brown hair, a neatly trimmed beard, gray-blue eyes, light skin, and was only a little shorter than me. As expected, Toby screamed when he saw Luka's hair.

“Vati! What did you do? Fuck, I dunno if I love it or hate it,” he said. Lukas rolled his eyes.

“I have been listening to a lot of music that fits it,” Lukas said, once again touching the stiff spikes from the side. “It will help with hunting at concerts. It was also something that I had yet to try.”

“I get that. Okay. Ash, this is my family. My Mom, Jamie, Mama, Sarah, Dad, Zack...” He introduced us all one by one. “Everyone, I'd like you to meet my husband, Ash.”

“Husband.”

“Your what?”

Husband?” The explosion was nothing Toby wasn't prepared for. Ash turned red as a tomato and clutched Toby's hand tightly. I walked away. My feelings were hurt. A lot. What had I done to hurt our relationship so much that he hadn't told me he was engaged, let alone getting married? What had any of us done?

“Dad!” Toby called after me. I stopped and tried to stuff all my emotions down. I should be happy for him. He had found someone he loved enough to marry. This wasn't going to help whatever was broken between us. I swallowed all of it and turned around to give him a weak smile.

“Congratulations,” I said, trying to mean it. Toby threw his arms around me and hugged me with a little too much strength. I hugged him back, confused.

“I'm sorry, Dad. We didn't do this to hurt anyone, and I didn't tell anyone because we got married the night he proposed,” Toby said. I let go.

“What?” I blinked in confusion for a moment, and then I turned to glare at Julian. His arms were crossed over his chest, and he looked as upset as I felt.

“Don't look at me,” Julian said. “I'm hearing it with you.”

I didn't mean to cause drama,” Ash said in French. We all turned to him. He wrung his hands. “I didn't want to lose him. I love him with all my heart. He was going to leave, and we might never have seen each other again. I knew he was the one for me.

“'The one?' Are you planning to be monogamous?” I asked Toby, switching to French in case Ash didn't speak English. I cringed inwardly. It had to be French, didn't it? My weakest language.

No, no. He's monogamous. He knows I'm not, that I'll never be,” Toby said. “Also, I didn't want him going home to his family. They're transphobes.

“Transphobes?” Jamie repeated. We all looked between Ash and Toby.

“Are you a girl?” I asked Toby, wondering how we could have missed that. He chuckled and shook his head.

“No, Dad. Ash is a trans man,” Toby said.

“Tobias...” Ash looked around in fear.

Hey, new brother-in-law, don't worry,” Eva said, hopping forward. She put a hand on his shoulder. “You're safe here. See! You get to be yourself here, and no one in this family is bigoted. I promise.

Welcome to the family, son,” Lukas said. Ash turned to him with wide eyes. Lukas turned to Toby and pointed. “You owe us a wedding.

We do not,” Toby said and stuck his tongue out. “But I owe Ash one. Anyway, as I was saying, I'd like you all to meet my husband, Ash Laurent Jean-Pierre Henderson. He can speak English, but he's nervous, and since we all speak French, I told him not to worry about it.”

First, I'm sorry for my poor French,” I said and walked back to offer him my hand. “Like my husband said, welcome to the family. I'm happy to have another son.

Thank you... Papa,” he said. I pulled him into a hug. I let go, and Jamie took her turn welcoming him. By the time everyone was done greeting him, he was crying. He ran to Toby and clung to him. “I didn't believe you! They really accept me!

If there's one thing my family is good at, it's accepting people for who they are,” Toby assured him. “You heard my father. He immediately checked to see if I was coming out as a girl. I did come out late as bisexual.

You'll have to tell us how you met,” Sarah said.

“But first, let's join the party. I've got him all built up for this,” Toby said, vibrating in place.

“We can walk and talk,” Eva suggested. First things first, though, we went through the gates and were each offered a free flag button. I picked up the bisexual and polyamorous ones. Garret made a face at the pins, and Eva handed him the gray-romantic one. He gave it a slight smile.

“It's my favorite color,” he murmured. I kissed the side of his head. Lukas reached past him to pluck up a pansexual pin, and I turned to look at him in surprise.

“What?” he asked.

“You're pansexual?” I asked.

“Yes? That is the one that says I don't care about sex or gender, is it not?” he asked. I nodded.

“I guess I've just never heard or seen you label yourself,” I said.

“You've never asked,” Lukas said as he scooped up the polyam button, too. He walked off, and I felt bad. He was right. I never had. I grabbed a he/him pin and followed him. He stuck the pan and polyam pins on his sleeve, but he had a he/him pronoun pin, too, that he put on his chest. I wrapped my arms around his chest from behind.

“Would you have answered me if I had?”

“Yes,” he said and twisted to hug me back. “Why are you 'bi?' I have never seen gender matter to you.”

“It influences my attraction,” I said, shaking my head. “But it's just... this was my first flag. Remember that Sarah drew one on her notebook back in the hotel? I used to stare at it after I started to accept myself, and when I see it now, it reminds me of falling in love with both of you. And I don't see it as excluding anyone, I guess. I could be attracted to anyone.”

“Here, marra, you forgot one,” Garret said and handed me a demisexual button.

“Oh, thanks,” I said.

“We's opposites,” he said. “And the same in a way.”

“I wish I'd known this was a thing decades ago. I remember how fucked up I felt about my response to casual sex,” I said.

“Aye, and how I felt broken 'cause I thought summat was wrong with me,” he said. “I wish someone had told me there's different ways to love folks.”

“You picked a sexuality flag? What happened to refusing to label your sexuality?” I asked. He shrugged.

“It's different here, ya know?” he said and looked around. “It's different now. These words have been around for decades, might as well have one or two. I divvent know. Eva handed it to me, said it's how I describe myself.”

“Which one is that? I don't recognize it,” I said.

“Omnisexual,” he said and touched the pin.

“That's how you describe your attraction, too, but yours is romantic. You're just attached to that flag,” Sarah said. She had the same pins as Lukas. She attached her she/her button as she walked over.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Attraction to all genders but with gender influencing attraction,” Sarah said.

“How can it not?” Garret asked. Sarah shrugged.

“I dunno. I have aesthetic types, but they apply to everyone. I like girly boys and girly girls and girly enbies. I like buff dudes and buff women and everyone else who's buff,” she said with a shrug.

“And you?” I asked Lukas.

“I like people I find attractive. Their gender doesn't matter,” he said. Garret laughed.

“I feel like that, but the way Sarah says it, it says that's not me. I divvent like women who are too muscular or men with stork legs, but I like women with long, thin legs and... buff men. I divvent know many people of other genders, so I suppose I'd not know what I prefer them to look like, but the ones I've known have all been attractive,” Garret said. “Especially my wife.”

“Wait, what? Your wife?” I asked. Clara was sitting on a bench a little way off, watching Liam playing with Little Zac and Nova. I couldn't see any buttons on her, but she was turned away enough to hide any on her left.

“Aye. She's summat called genderflux. Sometimes she's a 'something like a woman' and sometimes she's 'nothing of the sort.' She says her 'gender is confusing 'cause it doesn't sit still,'” he quoted. “She's been tryin' to figure this out a while now.”

“That's interesting,” I said. My pet Dakota just called themself genderqueer. I wondered if they were here tonight. “But she still uses she/her pronouns?”

“She/they,” Garret said. “I'm not right sure how to use those.”

“You can just mix them up,” Julian said as he joined us. I was surprised to see his pronoun pin.

“Any?” I asked and looked up at him. He shrugged.

“I don't care. If someone thinks I look like a 'she' or a 'they' or a 'xe' or an 'ey' or whatever, it's fine. I'm not attached to any,” he said. I looked down at his rainbow pride kilt.

“Are you nonbinary?” I asked. He shook his head.

“I don't think so. I feel like a guy. I always have,” he said. “But I love it here. It's like home. I can just be myself, and it doesn't matter if I'm gender nonconforming. I can be a guy who likes wearing dresses and gets called 'she' and isn't less of a man for it.”

“You're lucky you missed the big gatekeeper shit when you were little,” Sarah said. She reached up to pat his shoulder, and he gave her a sideways hug and kissed the top of her head.

“Thanks for protecting me, Mama,” he said. He looked around and caught Jamie's eyes. “Thank you, Mom.”

“Of course, baby. We love you,” Jamie said. Julian turned to Lukas and then took a few steps over to hug him. Lukas hugged him back tightly.

Ich habe dich lieb, Großer,” Lukas said, patting his back.

“Ich habe dich lieb, Vati,” he said. Lukas's expression shifted, and he hugged him tighter. Julian returned it. They stepped apart, and Lukas held Julian's face, his expression one of adoration. I expected them to break apart, but Lukas wasn't done.

“I understand 'pride and joy' now,” Lukas said. “I love all of you with my whole soul, but you, a son, I believed impossible for me. You are more than I ever hoped for. You are a wonderful man, husband, and father. You may be the best I have ever given to this world.”

“Vati,” Julian whispered. He hugged him again. I wiped my eyes as discreetly as I could.

“I feel like I don't belong here,” Aria said softly. I walked over to peek at our daughter in her carrier. Aria had just finished feeding her, and a tiny bit of milk bubbled up at the corner of her lip. I'd conceived more babies without having sex with their mothers than I had the old-fashioned way. Since Aria didn't have a partner, I'd asked Lukas to help me get the donation for Aurelia. He'd been delighted to.

“You don't know that Aurelia won't be one of us,” I said with a wink. “But regardless, I'm happy to have you here supporting us. Just because you don't need the space and don't face discrimination on the same level—I know you've experienced it for choosing to attach your life to me—doesn't mean you don't belong here. You're a good ally. You take action, not titles.”

“And kids of queer parents belong here, too,” Eva said. “I'm cishetallo, but here I am with my three dads, two moms, bisexual brothers, et cetera, et cetera.”

“Brothers, plural?” Aria asked.

“Yeah, I'm bi,” Julian said. “I've never had a boyfriend, though. I've made out with a couple guys, hooked up with a friend, but Zaria has been the only one my heart has ever wanted or ever will.”

“And I'm bi, too,” Zaria said. “I dated girls exclusively before Jules. I thought I was a lesbian. Then he was the softest, most pure cinnamon roll I ever met. He respected my 'I'm not interested in boys,' and was content to just be friends. Until I wasn't. Which, honestly, happened super fast. It was his eyes that got me. Look at those ridiculous lashes. So damn pretty.”

“Pssh. Like my eyes come close to comparing to yours?” Julian asked and pulled her close. Luke made a grumpy noise in his carrier. “Sorry, Luke. Didn't mean to jostle you.”

“Look! I got buttons, too!” Freyja said as she skipped up to us. She pointed.

“And a lesbian sister,” Eva added. “Jesus. Am I the only straight in the family?”

“I'm straight,” Mia said. She only had a pronoun pin: she/her.

“Your husband isn't,” Eva said, surprising me. I looked at Harley. He had a pan pin. He smiled and gave a little wave.

“It never came up,” he said, correctly interpreting my expression. He was right. It hadn't. “I've never dated anyone who wasn't a girl, though. Eva, Mia, and Julian are the only ones who actually knew. I never even told my mom or sister. I don't know why. I guess because it doesn't matter? I'm not interested in anyone but Mia.”

“Doesn't change your sexuality,” Sarah said. Harley nodded.

“Right,” he agreed.

“Here you are!” Vincent called out. Lukas's face lit up and he stepped forward, extending his hands. Vincent ran into his arms. They hugged and kissed happily. When they broke apart, Vincent hugged Sarah and exchanged hellos. He came over to me, and I gave him a quick kiss. We'd been kissing hello and goodbye for years now at this point. He had three pins: he/him, progress rainbow, and the gay men's pride flag. “How is everyone?”

“Good!” Toby said, finally joining the rest of us with Ash. Ash buttons matched Vincent's. I guess he didn't want to be out as trans. “Ash, this is Vincent, my Vati's partner. Vincent, this is Ash, my husband.”

“You... got married?” Vincent asked.

“Yeah,” Toby said. Vincent looked around at us, and we caught him up.

“Well, congratulations,” Vincent said and clapped Toby on the back. I thought about what Lukas had said to Julian and pulled Toby away from the group.

“What is it?” he asked.

“This is probably going to be hokey to you, but—you know I'm proud of you, right? I never stop being impressed with what an amazing person you've become. I think you're incredible for chasing your dreams down and living them. I miss you when you're gone for so long, and I hope you know you always, always have a home here, but if it would be easier for me to come to you to see each other, tell me, and I will drop everything. I love you so much,” I said.

He stared at me like I was saying something horrible, and I stopped, worried I'd made him uncomfortable. Then he burst into tears and pulled me into a hug to cry against my shoulder. I started crying with him immediately.

“I love you, too,” he cried. “Thank you. I needed to hear that. Like, I thought you felt like that, but I was worried you were mad about the unplanned marriage and—”

“I'm not mad at all. I was worried I'd somehow screwed up our relationship and didn't understand why you wouldn't tell us,” I said. “The worst thing I could do is ever make you feel like you can't talk to me about anything.”

“I wanted it to be a surprise after it happened so fast. I was really excited to tell everyone. I wasn't thinking like that at all. I was thinking about how great it would be when Ash saw that my family really was different, that it's the best family in the world,” he said. I started crying again. “I know I wasn't an easy kid. I was loud and destructive and wild, but you just let me be me, always. You always seemed to understand me, even when I didn't. You weren't scared of me, either. I always felt safe with you.”

“I'm so glad to hear that,” I tried to get out. We took a minute to get ourselves back under control. I heard someone saying that they wished I was their dad, and Toby and I both laughed and wiped our faces.

“What brought that on?” Toby asked.

“Lukas and Julian had a moment, and I realized I needed one with you,” I said and shrugged. He stuck his tongue out. I laughed. I wiped my face again. He took the tissue Sarah had snuck over to offer and blew his nose. “I had a bad relationship with my father. All I ever did was disappoint him. Or that's what I thought. My mom said that he actually was proud of some things I did, but he never told me. I needed him to. I tried to always make sure you kids knew I loved you and was proud of you, but you all got to the point where I was annoying you, so...”

“As a kid, it seemed silly how often you said it,” Toby said. “But I've met so many people who've never heard that from their parents that I get it now. After Ash, I understand what I have. Whatever you and your dad had—that's not us. I've never questioned for a second that we're good. And I miss you, too. My life is amazing. I get paid to play guitar—that you taught me—and play video games. Which you also taught me to play. Girls throw themselves at me. I get the good drugs—don't make that face—and don't need them like my band mates do. Yeah, I still do some for fun, sorry.”

“Don't apologize. I'd rather you didn't, but I just hope you're being as responsible with them as you would be with alcohol,” I said.

“I am. I don't use often, but we get some amazing parties where it's fun. I stay safe. Love me less?” he asked.

“Nope,” I said. I squeezed his arm. “Never. Absolutely nothing, ever, could make me love you less.”

“I'm gonna change, Dad,” he said. I opened and closed my mouth. “I have a sire and a nest picked out. Um, my sire is actually a vampire I've seen off and on for a few years. She lives in San Francisco, and... I'm going to transition into that flock, if that's okay?”

“Of course it is,” I said, trying to recover quickly from the sudden reveal.

“Oh thank god. I didn't want to bring it up because I didn't want you and Vati to think it was that I don't love our flock. I just... don't want you as my leaders.”

“I don't want to be your leader, either,” I said. “I don't think Vati will ever accept appointment to the office again. He's been so much happier since he stepped away from leadership.”

“The last master of the North Bay vampire community,” Toby said, glancing over at Lukas. I looked with him. He was chatting happily with our family. “But you're the current Vampire Leader of the North Bay Area.”

“I can't believe they made it an official office,” I said. “I'm glad you'll never know a master territory or what it was like having to hide that you were in the ruling family.”

“Thank you for protecting me from that,” he said. “Eva said that it was hard dealing with that and having Vati as Master and you as Commander.”

“It was hard on us, too. We couldn't have punished her if she broke territory rules. Uncle Tony wouldn't have, either, and he was the backup, being Guard Commander,” I said. “We had no idea what to do about it when she demanded to be a full part of the community. Thankfully, she never made us face it before the Vampire Leader office was established.”

“She said that was what was so hard—that she knew she stressed you out. That's why I don't want to belong to this flock. I don't want to put you through that, too,” he said. I ruffled his hair.

“Thank you. You're a good kid. And you always have been. I'm sorry it was so rough growing up as a dhampir with ADHD and that the rest of the world wasn't as empathetic,” I said. He beamed at me. “I don't know if it matters, but I genuinely like your band. I'm also kinda glad you're not the lead singer, though.”

“Aww, you don't wanna sing along with me about fuckin' girls and having breakdowns and shit?” he asked. We both laughed.

“It's not like we haven't ever sang together,” I said, and we laughed again. “When do you think you'll be changing?”

“I left the band until I'm safe to tour again. I need a break, especially since... you know my girlfriend, Gia?”

“Uh... the one with a wife? Down in San Francisco? With the blue hair?” I asked.

“Yep! This baby's mine, for sure,” he said and grinned at me. It took me a second to process.

“Yes? You're going to be a father?”

“Yes! And I'm ready this time,” he said. “I mean, I will be. Once I'm transitioned and all that. Not that we're planning to live together. I think she and Brandy will be great moms without me there until I can be.”

“When is she due?” I asked.

“She's only twelve weeks. This is when I have permission to announce. And yes, we did it on purpose,” he said.

“Congratulations,” I said, my eyes pricking up again. I grabbed him in another hug. “Am I the first person you told?”

“Yep! Although Julian heard, obviously. I just told him he can tell everyone else, so expect it to get loud here in a minute. Oh, changing! I didn't answer you. Next month. I'm going to nest in Canyon with a vampire named Wyatt.”

“Wyatt's good people. I'm glad he's who you're going with,” I said, nodding. Toby glowed with happiness. “Anyway, thank you for indulging my need to heal my childhood trauma with you.”

“Oh no, not being loved and praised! How horrible!” he teased and pushed me. I pushed him back and then pulled him into another hug. We broke apart, and I asked him about his hair as we walked back to everyone else. They pounced immediately, as predicted.

With that, we were all gathered together, and we set out to have a good night celebrating the core of our family, which had just grown yet again. We found more friends and family as we went, from my stepbrother and brother-in-law and their daughters to the queer St. John kids, Lea and Matteo, and a bunch of our pets. It was the first Pride festival we'd been to in years, and maybe that was why it seemed so much better than years before.

Or maybe it was just all the pride I had in my family.