LH Short Story: Sarah

Lost Humanity Short Story

This story is provided for free by H.S. Kallinger as part of the Lost Humanity universe.
Timing: Middle of Hotel of Lost Souls.
Content Warnings: angst, mention of sex work, domestic abuse, possessive behavior, police mention, bad driving, controlling behavior, ableist language

Sarah

My stomach growled. Again. I was so sick of tonight. I glanced back again, but Zack's bench was out of sight now. My heart twisted. He was in such poor shape. Should we have come? Maybe we should have waited another week or two for him to get stronger.

No, further back. I shouldn't have let his mom drag him out of the police station. I should have chased after him. Everything had just been happening so fast, my head spinning with shock. I'd defaulted to just doing what Dad told me. If I'd just refused to let our parents separate us, maybe we could have stayed as a united front.

And what? Where would we have stayed? Lukas had been taken to jail, the hotel closed for a week for the investigation. But there were vampires on our side that hadn't lived there. If I asked around, maybe I could have found Mathias. That was his name, right? Yeah. I'd spent six hours mixed in with his pets, gathering info. He was totally on our side, and he had space to house the three of us.

Shit. We should have gone there instead of wandering around trying to find Lukas! Ugh. I kicked the back of my own foot in frustration.

“What?” Jamie asked me. I shrugged and didn't look at her. I didn't want to see the dark circles under her pretty eyes. That was my fault, too. She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for me. Tears started stinging my eyes, and my chest got tighter.

“I just thought of someone we could have looked up that could have helped us find Lukas faster,” I said.

“Who?” Jamie asked.

“Just someone I met doing stuff for Lukas,” I muttered, trying to be vague.

“Someone you slept with for him,” she muttered back. Dammit. Vague was too obvious. That was stupid of me.

“He had a really nice house. A big one. With beds. I want a bed,” I replied as my back throbbed miserably from sleeping outside. Thinking of that reminded me of how much my arm hurt where it was sunburned. Stupid sun. Horrible thing. Nothing but a blazing ball of fiery death waiting to burn us all. I won't miss it when I become a vampire. Not one bit.

“Hopefully Lukas will have one—because he's here,” Jamie said. I jerked my head up and followed her gaze to the familiar blue Mercedes parked out front.

A flood of energy poured through me, pushing me into a run. That figure wearing a black t-shirt, bluejeans and black leather Doc Martens standing against the wall next to the door—it was familiar, too. My vision disappeared, drowned by the tears pouring out of my eyes, but I didn't stop running until I slammed into the not-quite-warm-enough chest I had been aiming for.

“Sarah.” His voice sent a shiver down my spine. That wonderful baritone that I had missed so much I thought it would kill me. I clutched at his shirt and cried.

“Lukas,” I gasped. “Lukas, Lukas, Lukas.”

“Sarah. My Sarah,” he said and bent down to lift me up in a tight hug that squished a squeak out of me. I wrapped my legs around his waist and buried my face in his shoulder. His arms relaxed enough to hold me and keep me safe. My heart raced painfully. How could I have ever let anyone take me out of these arms?

After a few minutes, I had to relax my legs and let him set me back down on the sidewalk. I still couldn't bear to look at his face. I was afraid of what I'd see. Did he hate us for failing to protect him? For allowing ourselves to be taken? For waiting so long to come back? I opened my mouth to apologize, but he spoke sooner.

“I love you, Sarah. I am so sorry that I was taken so senselessly and could not stop them from stealing you away,” he whispered. His breath against my neck made me shudder and tilt my head to offer him access while more tears flowed and my heart raced at his words. Love. He loves me.

“I love you, too,” I finally confessed. I'd nearly said it to him so many times over the last several months. I didn't want to scare him, though. Guys could be weird about that. I'd said it to Zack, but I didn't think he realized that I meant it romantically. Zack! We needed to go get him!

“Where is Zack?” Lukas asked, reading my mind. “And hello, Jamie.”

“Hi. We left him on a bench a couple blocks back,” Jamie answered. “He kept falling, and I was afraid he was going to hurt himself.”

“Falling?” Lukas repeated.

“He's in bad shape,” Jamie confirmed. “Really bad shape.”

“He's starved half to death. When we went to get him in Ohio, he was—but he said that he was okay to make the trip, and someone stole our bag with food, which he couldn't afford to lose, and we've been sleeping on the streets, but we came back, and I'm so sorry they took us. I should have fought harder, but I don't know how I could have, and I wish I'd known you were there and to hide you, and I love you so much and missed you and Zack. We need to get back to him,” I said, trying to cover everything.

“Agreed,” Lukas said as he stepped away from the wall. His arm pulled me along with him to the car. I slid into the passenger seat while Jamie climbed into the back.

We tossed our bags on Zack's seat and buckled up as Lukas threw the car into reverse. As soon as the car confirmed we were buckled, he pulled out of the spot—faster than he should have—and followed our directions back to the bench. He did a U-turn to get to the right side of the road, drove back to the bench and pulled over. There was a strange woman with brown hair sitting in Zack's spot.

“Excuse me,” Lukas called out his window. “Have you seen a young man with black hair and blue eyes?”

“Yeah,” she said and stood up to walk over to us. “I was waiting for you to tell you that he's at the hospital. My husband hit him with our car. The ambulance just left a minute ago, and they said they were going to University of Miami Hospital. My husband went with him to make sure he's okay. He passed out. I'm so sorry. He said he had friends, and I was waiting to give them a ride.”

“Thank you for the information,” Lukas said. She nodded as he rolled up his window and pulled back out into traffic.

He lead-footed the gas, nearly sideswiping a truck that swerved away, honking angrily. I turned back to look at his face. His mouth was set in a hard line, and little stress lines had appeared under his eyes. I put my hand on his knee to remind him that he wasn't alone. His face relaxed a little, and he put his cool hand over mine.

I had almost forgotten how beautiful his face was. His full, soft, kissable lips, not-completely-straight nose, startlingly bright blue eyes and shaggy straw and Naples yellow hair drew my eye. I wanted to touch his face, but I didn't want to distract him when he was already driving so erratically. Plus, I didn't want to stop with his face. I wanted to touch every part of him until I could believe that he really still wanted me.

“Will you please tell me who just texted me?” Lukas asked when his phone vibrated. I reached over with the hand he wasn't holding to pick up and turn on his phone.

“SJ,” I read.

“What does it say?”

“It's in Italian,” I answered.

“Do your best.”

“'Tutto bene per le prossime ventiquattro ore,'” I read, hoping I didn't butcher it too much.

“Something for the next twenty-four hours?” Jamie murmured in the back seat.

“It was a check-in,” Lukas said. “He said that he feels we are all clear for the next twenty-four hours, yes. Do you speak some Italian, or was it that similar to Spanish?”

“The latter,” Jamie answered. “All clear on what?”

“Do not concern yourself,” Lukas replied. He started to lift his hand, and I quickly flipped mine to lace our fingers together. He relaxed again.

“Okay,” Jamie replied. Her tone was neutral, but I knew she hated when he answered like that. I was content not to know unless he wanted me to. The less I knew, the less lying I had to do if the police picked us up again. Of course, it would be nice if he would learn he could trust us. Time. We'd get there in time. I knew we would.

“Are you okay to wait to eat until after we find Zack?” Lukas asked me. Embarrassed, I put my right arm across my noisy stomach.

“I'll be fine,” I answered.

“Same here,” Jamie replied.

“I want to make sure Zack's okay,” I said, suddenly processing what was going on. Hit by a car. Oh, fuck, he was hit by a car! How bad was it? The woman had seemed a little nervous, but mostly calm, so I hadn't really thought about what she'd said. He passed out? Or was she sugar coating it? Lukas's fingers tightened between mine.

“We are almost there,” Lukas said. “It is not far to several fast food chains, but if you can bear with it, I wish to see Zack as soon as possible. If he was unconscious when he arrived, we may have a problem getting in to see him. Jamie, we will say that you are his sister.”

“I look more like your sister than his,” Jamie said, “but okay.”

“I'll be his fiancée so it's not weird if I kiss him,” Sarah said. “What about you? You gonna be his brother?”

“No, I am his vampire. He is my pet,” Lukas answered.

“Do hospitals respect that?” Jamie asked.

“Yes,” Lukas replied. “If he were truly my pet, he would have already given me medical power of attorney. I know how to get around that, though. Do not worry. I have had to do this before. I will not be able to make decisions for him, but they will let us in. Here.”

Lukas reached over to the glove compartment and popped it open as we stopped at a red light. He fished around until he found a small metal box and pulled it out. He unlocked the combination and handed it to me.

“Find one that fits,” he instructed. I opened it. It was full of rings, earrings and some fake magnetic piercing jewelry. I pulled out the two rings that looked like women's engagement rings and tried them both on. The second was a closer fit, so I left it.

“Any particular reason you have a box of rings?” I asked. He didn't answer, but I hadn't expected one. I put the box back. A few minutes later, we pulled into the ER parking lot. He parked. I opened the door to get out, but he didn't move. I looked back at him. He was lost in thought. He turned his head a little toward me but didn't meet my eyes.

“It is mostly liquid assets, but that one... it has sentimental value. Please do not lose it,” he answered. I started at him, wide-eyed. I wasn't sure if I was more surprised that he had answered or that he carried around a box with sentimental jewelry. It didn't seem very much like him. Or maybe it was just a symptom of not knowing him as well as I'd like.

“Are we your pets now?” I asked.

“I do not know,” he said as he got out of the car on his side. Jamie and I followed behind. I had to jog to keep up with his long, quick strides.

Ten minutes later, we were back outside. Jamie's arm was around me, and she was trying to get me to calm down. I couldn't. Zack was tired when I last saw him, but he hadn't been fighting for his life. They couldn't give us much information, except that doctors were working on saving him.

“Where are we going?” Jamie asked softly. Lukas had stopped to stare up at the sky. He was still as a statue. He gave himself a little shake and started walking back toward the car. I kept up easily now. His calm was infecting me, and I was able to stop crying for the most part.

“You need to eat,” Lukas said quietly.

“I can't,” I negated. No way could I force myself to eat like this. Just the thought of food made me sick.

“You can, and you will,” Lukas replied dispassionately. “But we are not getting fast food. There is a vampire club under a mile away that has a restaurant for donors. We will all eat. It will kill time in a productive way.”

“What if he dies while we're gone?” I asked without thinking.

“What purpose will being there serve? If he is to die, he will die. We cannot even sit with him as it happens. I will not sit uselessly in the waiting room for bad news.” If Lukas cared at all, I couldn't tell from his tone. I wanted to demand to know if he did, but I knew it was a waste of breath. I'd either piss him off or hurt his feelings. Besides, I believed he was upset, too, and refusing to show it. He was being strong for us. Probably because I was a mess.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. He nodded and pulled out his key fob to unlock the car.

“Perhaps you will have more hope after eating,” he said softly. I got into the passenger seat and buckled in. A part of me wanted to argue that my hunger had nothing to do with my hope, but I stayed quiet. That was usually the best response with Lukas. I'd seen him punish Zack enough for not just shutting up.

We pulled up in front of a shiny building with the word 'Systole' scrawled in blue neon cursive large enough to be seen from anywhere on the street. We somehow managed to score a spot right in front of the doors. I got out and waited for Lukas to precede us inside. Jamie held my hand on the way inside. She knew to be quiet, too.

“Good evening. Bringing your own donors?” the vampire at the register greeted Lukas.

“No, I will be hunting. They will be having lunch,” Lukas answered.

“That's twenty-five,” he said. Then his forehead wrinkled. “Although...”

“It is fine,” Lukas said, handing over a debit card. “I do not desire preferential treatment.”

“Yes, sir,” the other vampire said as he relaxed and scanned the card. Lukas signed the digital signature pad. The other vampire smiled and handed him back his card. “Good hunting.”

“Thank you,” Lukas said. We followed him into the club.

Tables and chairs were set up under two huge, spread out LED chandeliers that rained down glowing drops, frozen in time and space and mixed with silver drops that reflected the soft light. The chairs were wide with high, padded backs and filled with vampires and humans pairing off or watching for one another. At the back of the room, there was an empty stage with slumbering lights and speakers big enough to fill the room with music you could almost touch.

“Would you prefer that I bring my food to a shared table or eat elsewhere?” Lukas asked as he pulled out a chair at a corner table. He looked expectantly at me, and I hurried over to sit in it.

He pulled out the next one for Jamie as I mulled over the question. I'd seen him feed on other people when we were visiting his political contacts, but I had always had some task to distract me. Well, I might as well get used to it. It was just frustrating because I wasn't cleared to feed him by a doctor yet, so who knew when or if I'd get to do it again?

“Um, if you get a guy, bring him back, but if it's a girl, spare me?” I requested. Lukas gave me a small smile and a nod.

“Order whatever you like. Recover from your ordeal.” Lukas looked at Jamie, who had pulled out what looked like coasters from a stack in the middle of the table. “Those are donor markers. Do not put any down. You are mine, and you will feed no one but me unless I say otherwise. Their meaning is written on them if you are curious, though.”

“Okay,” Jamie said, turning over a red one to read it. I looked over her shoulder and read the circles as Lukas walked away toward the back of the club, my heart thudding happily that I was still his. We had just finished going through them when a waiter brought us menus. I made Jamie order for me because everything looked both amazing and awful at the same time. I couldn't stand the thought of eating when Zack...

“Hey, quit that,” Jamie said when she caught me trying to hide that I was wiping my eyes again. “He's going to be okay. We didn't go through all of this to lose him now. He's a survivor. Don't give up hope.”

“He should be sitting next to me,” I said, glancing sadly at the empty chair. Jamie sighed and rubbed circles on my back.

“If you two hadn't been so stubborn about Lukas, we could have all been together back in Ohio somehow,” she grumbled.

“Except Dad did everything he could to keep us apart,” I grumbled back.

“And we got around that. Once we found him, that was that. You're twenty-five years old. He can't dictate who you do or don't date.” Jamie had arranged the donor markers in as close to a color fade as she could manage. Black, brown, red, orange, yellow, green, blue, purple, pink, white. Now she was trying to make them line up in a perfect stack.

“You really don't mind me dating Zack?” I asked. We had to stop talking for the waiter to take down our orders. I didn't pay attention to what Jamie picked for me. I didn't want to think about it. The waiter walked away.

“No. No, I don't. I mind Lukas. But Zack? Please keep him, marry him, and we can be one, big happy family.” She side eyed the stack, but I didn't see any circles out of order.

“Marry him? I haven't even had sex with him,” I said. “And now—”

“Now you'll have to wait a little longer because I'm pretty sure he's not going to be up for much after being hit by a car,” she interrupted me. “It will crack me the hell up if he makes you wait for marriage.”

“Like I'd do that,” I said, rolling my eyes. “He had sex with Lukas. It's not marriage he's waiting for. Maybe he just doesn't like me.”

“That's the stupidest thing you've said all night, and you've been actively trying.” Jamie grabbed my hand and squeezed it. “Sweetie, he's in love with you. It's in his eyes every time he looks at you. I don't know what he's waiting for, but maybe he just didn't want to do it while we were in the hotel. Maybe he was afraid that was taking advantage of you. He's the kind of guy to think of that, and that's why I like him.”

“But he's in love with Lukas. What if he can't love more than one person at a time like I can?” I asked. Jamie pulled me over to rest my head on her shoulder. It felt nice to snuggle up to her, and I squirmed in my chair until I got comfortable.

“I genuinely don't believe you need to worry about that. I think it's my rotten luck that you got the both of them to fall in love with you,” she told me.

“Sorry,” I whimpered, my eyes stinging as tears returned to them.

“Good. You should be. You're supposed to be mine,” Jamie said as she wrapped her arm around me and hugged me tighter. “I'll let Lukas go because of the whole kidnapping thing. I'll let Zack go because of all the guys you've ever dated, he's the only one I approve of. Which means I've let them both go, and I accept that I'm stuck with them. I just really hope Lukas is done beating me.”

“He stopped hitting you a while ago. Zack's the one that kept pissing him off.”

“Which is why I can have hope that it's over,” Jamie said. I closed my eyes, suddenly exhausted. I felt like I'd run a marathon and ended it by smacking into a brick wall. Everything ached from sleeping outside on the concrete. My arm was hot and sore. I just wanted to find a real bed and take a nap... “Hey, don't fall asleep yet.”

“But you're comfy,” I protested.

“Food is coming.”

“I'm not hungry.”

“Like hell you're not.”

“I just want to go to sleep until Zack can have visitors,” I pleaded. Jamie hugged me.

“Lukas brought back his dinner.” Jamie finally succeeded in getting me to open my eyes and sit up.

I watched him sit down across from us with a guy whose glossy, sable hair was longer than mine. The guy's goatee was in need of a trim. Going off the rest of his face, I was guessing it was camouflaging a weak chin. It was a good look for him. I wondered if Lukas always picked attractive food or if he'd done it to cheer me up. It was no secret that I liked guy on guy action.

Lukas pulled him close, and all I could see was their hair mixed together and Lukas's hand at the back of his donor's neck. Lukas moved his head so I could see part of his face. His eyes were closed, and all the little stress lines had disappeared. His hand massaged the other guy's neck. I remembered the feeling of those fingers against my own neck and wished I was in his lap instead.

“Mind if I sit down?” A man's voice drew my attention away from Lukas. The owner had small, chestnut brown eyes that were around the same shade as his fuzzy eyebrows and the messy spiral curls growing out of his head in every direction. His nose and chin were a bit too wide and round.

Still, I wanted to touch his hair to find out if it was coarse or soft. Many of the spirals were that much-sought after curl I could never get to stay in my hair. His thin lips had a perfect cupid's bow that stayed even when he flashed a brilliant grin at me that showed his fangs. Lukas gestured at the remaining seat.

“Sarah and Jamie, yes?” he asked as he sat down.

“Yeah,” I confirmed. Jamie nodded next to me.

“I'm Niccolo. You can call me Nicky,” he said and held out his hand to me. I shook it, and he did the same with Jamie. His skin was warm. He had an Italian-Brooklyn accent that took me right back to the two weeks I'd spent seeing New York before going to Europe. “He finally found you, huh? I dunno what woulda happened if he'd come back without you. He's been pretty down about losin' you guys.”

“Well, we aren't all here,” I said. A pang of loss twisted my heart. The waiter reappeared right then and set down a bowl of soup in front of me. I glared at it. I didn't want to eat.

“Yeah, Lukas told me about the accident,” Nicky said. “That not what you ordered?”

“It's what I ordered for her,” Jamie said. “She seems to think a hunger strike will get Zack better faster.”

“When did Lukas tell you?” I asked. I picked up my spoon and poked a piece of kale down into the creamy soup.

“He texted me about that and about coming here when you were all at the hospital,” Nicky answered.

“Are you not going to eat?” Lukas asked as he settled his donor against his shoulder. The guy was shaking and trying to catch his breath. Dammit. I'd missed the best parts. I forced myself to take a bite of the soup. I didn't notice what it tasted like as I chewed mechanically.

“I'd just finished when you texted,” Nicky replied. “You wanna stay with me today?”

“No, I—” Lukas looked at me and Jamie and then switched to Italian. He and Nicky conversed in it fluidly. I couldn't understand a word of it, but I was transfixed as I listened. Nicky's voice was beautiful in what I was assuming was his native language. I'd heard Lukas speak it before and always thought it was pretty, but together, they were captivating.

“If that's all, then I'll be going home,” Nicky said after Lukas said good-bye to his donor. “Glad you found them. I hope your missing one wakes up soon.”

“Thank you, Niccolo,” Lukas said and nodded to him.

“We still have too much cleanup for you to be so distracted,” Nicky said as he stood up. Lukas shot him a warning look, but Nicky just smirked and waved. “G'night, ladies.”

“Night,” I said. Jamie raised her hand in a small wave. Lukas nudged the bowl of bread toward me. Jamie had eaten half of it.

“Eat.” His voice brooked no argument. I reluctantly took a slice and munched on it before forcing down the rest of my soup. Jamie was already done with her dinner. Lukas pulled out his phone and used it until I was done and pushed my bowl away. He had paid while I was still eating. “Do you want dessert?”

“No,” I said, emphatically.

“I'm fine,” Jamie answered.

“Good. Then we will get a room to stay in nearby. The hotel close to the hospital requires vampire check in by midnight, so we need to leave soon.” Lukas stood up, and we followed him.

“We're not staying in your hotel?” Jamie asked. Lukas shook his head.

“I prefer to stay close to the hospital. That way, you will be able to walk there when you wake up today,” Lukas explained.

“Are we going to go back to the hospital to see how he's doing tonight?” I asked.

“I will,” he said. “If anything changes, I will come get you immediately.”

“What? You can't expect us to—”

“Rest and recover in your room? Indeed I can,” Lukas interrupted me. “You are burned from the sun, dirty and clearly exhausted. You will miss nothing. Either he is awake, and I will return to collect you within minutes, or he is not, and you will not have to waste what little energy you have left on the trip.”

He opened the car door for me, and I sat down. I wasn't happy. I didn't have a single argument for his points, but I didn't want to just go sit in a room and do nothing but worry. It wasn't fair. I clenched my teeth, eyes and fists. Fingers brushed against my jaw, and I shook, so angry and sad that I couldn't trust myself to say a word. Lukas sighed next to me. I unclenched the best I could and buckled in before he had to tell me.

It wasn't long before we were in a hotel suite that had two queen beds in a room to the right of the common area. It was tiny compared to our old hotel home. Lukas had carried our bags up and set them on the couch. I walked over to the door to the bathroom and stared in at the too-bright room.

“Treat this as your room before,” Lukas said. “You have no restrictions, but I want you to stay in here and rest until I return.”

“Isn't that a restriction?” I asked because Zack would have. The pain in my heart was drowning out my reason.

“It is a request,” he answered softly from behind me. His arms wrapped around my shoulders, and I grabbed hold of them. I shook from the force of holding back the crying fit I needed. “At the very least, clean up. I will not be gone long. I am going to stop and get you medicine for that burn.”

“You don't have to.”

“I do. And you must apply it and heal.” He stepped back and forced me to turn around. I wanted to refuse to look at him. I didn't trust myself not to break down. It wasn't time yet. But I couldn't. His eyes drew mine into their light, holding me in place. My pain receded when his hand cupped my face. He leaned down to touch our foreheads and noses together. “Bitte, Bärchen. Für mich. Ich liebe dich. Let me take what little pain I can from you.”

I didn't understand the Bärchen part, but I knew everything else he'd said. I wanted to cry and let him have it all, but instead, I gave him a small smile, the best I could manage. He smiled back.

“Ich liebe dich, too,” I said, making him chuckle. “Fine. Je t'aime.”

“Je t'aime aussi,” he replied. He kissed my forehead and straightened up. “A plus tard.”

“Be quick,” I said, pulling him back down to kiss. He kissed me with a sudden passion, and for a minute, I forgot everything that was wrong. He pulled away without another word and crossed the room in a few long strides. Then he was gone.

Jamie was curled up on the couch, staring at me. I wondered if she was stressed over Lukas, Zack or both. No, her mouth was relaxed enough to be open a little. She wasn't staring in stress, she was confused or thinking something over.

“Do you want the shower first or together?” I asked. She blinked rapidly and stood up.

“Together,” she answered as she pulled off her shirt. I watched the living art that was my Jamie as she stripped thoughtlessly. I realized what she'd said and pulled my own clothes off, dropping them on the floor as I followed her. She hung hers up on the hooks, as usual. I wanted nothing more in that moment than for Zack to wake up. I had expected it to be making love with Jamie, but the thought that he might die while I was... I couldn't. I needed it, terribly, and I couldn't bear it at all.

I did feel better after the shower. However, coming out to find Lukas not there destroyed all the peace of mind I might have had. His presence was dictated by Zack's state of consciousness. Not here meant Zack was still lost, still fighting, still far away.

I stomped over to my sketchbook and yanked it out. I dug around until I found a pencil and opened to a blank sheet so I could scribble out my feelings. Dark, dark. I dragged the edge of the pencil back and forth at the corners to give me the darkness I needed before I started working on the figure at the center, alone, clutching their hair, curled up and in pain as the darkness closed in. Darker, darker. I smudged the pencil around, bringing it down to cover the very edges of the form.

Even more unhappy, I flipped to the next page and closed my eyes, bringing to mind every last detail of Zack that I could. I started sketching him, not happy with how wide his mouth came out or the curve of his chin. I erased and fixed and drew until he was staring back up at me blankly. No. That wasn't what I wanted.

I erased his face and started over. Looking up, back. Lips parted. I put Lukas behind him, wrapping him up in the hug I'd just gotten. Wake up, Zack. Wake up. Lukas' face wouldn't cooperate, so I drew his hair over it. Healthy Zack who could donate again. I redrew it so Lukas was biting him, his hair obscuring most of it. Wake up. Wake up. Zack.

I flipped the page and sketched out a threesome between Lukas, Zack and me with me in the middle. I did a crappy little comic style first to figure out the positioning, the anatomy. I was working on a bigger version when the door lock thunked. It didn't beep like our door. How annoying. The thunk was so much louder than the click, too. Rude.

I closed my sketchbook and stared at the cover. I felt Lukas approach and refused to look up. He held out a plastic bag in my line of sight, so I turned my head away. It wasn't Zack. I didn't want it. Lukas didn't say anything; he just picked me up and carried me in to the bed. I dropped my sketchbook where I'd been sitting. I wondered if he was going to punish me. I didn't care. Everything we'd done was for us to all be together. All of us. And now Zack was dying.

Lukas kissed my hair before he rocked me in his arms. The sob I'd been choking on came out, and I turned to cry against his chest.

“I know,” he said softly. He repeated it several times as he stroked my hair and rocked slightly. He murmured in French, “Please let me care for you, my love. I can do nothing for him. Let me at least have you.”

I nodded, and he set me on the bed. I was wearing nothing but a towel, so it was easy for him to put the cerulean goo on my burned skin. The lidocaine in the aloe went to work right away, stealing the pain. As it faded, so did the pain in my chest until I was thoroughly numb. I watched his eyes as he worked. I missed his face so much. I took it in my hands and held it still. He looked at me questioningly. I had no answers. I just wanted to look at him. I slid my hands down to cup his face. Our skin was about the same color, except where mine was burned.

He had permanent bags under his deep set eyes. They weren't dark, just puffy. Not tired, just their shape. His nose was ever so slightly off to the left—his right—but it was otherwise straight and long, with close nostrils. His eyebrows were gentle arches that thinned when the light hit them, making the blond vanish and leaving mostly shadows. They almost turned up, almost looked worried, but somehow managed not to. His lips were of equal thickness, his upper lip slightly thinner on his left, my right. The shadow of his stubble was darker than it seemed it should be for how light the rest of his hair was. I memorized all the shapes, following and filling them so I could reproduce it next time I tried. I hated that I'd been unable to earlier.

“You are even more beautiful than I remember,” he whispered, still speaking French.

“I didn't even have a picture of you,” I cried, the numbness vanishing to fill me with pain again. All those weeks without him. It wasn't a long time, but it felt like forever. It wasn't not having him but the thought that I might never see him again that had hurt me so much. And now Zack... I'd just gotten him back...

I buried my face against Lukas and cried again.

“I will bring you a photograph as soon as I can. I am sorry that our reunion is tainted so. We will be together again, believe in it. Believe that he will awaken, as I do.” He lay back and took me with him, arranging me to lie on his chest. I realized I was going to cry myself to sleep if I let him, but I suddenly didn't have the energy to fight any longer. My last thought before sleep won was that I was still wearing his ring.