LH Short Story: Deck the Halls

Lost Humanity Short Story

This story is provided for free by H.S. Kallinger as part of the Lost Humanity universe.
Timing: Between Hotel of Lost Souls and Pet.
Content Warnings: angst, domestic violence, abuse, ableist language

Deck the Halls

(not your loved one)

The precariously stacked boxes next to me collapsed with a crash. I shrieked as I grabbed at it, hoping against hope that nothing broke. I managed to un-bury myself without hearing any suspicious broken sounds. The door opened, and I tossed myself over the half-open box in front of me defensively.

“What are you doing?” Sarah asked, looking at the mess with wide eyes. My right hand still held the scissors I was massacring wrapping paper with.

“My best!” I said.

“Oh, sweetie, are you okay?” she asked, ducking into the room.

“Presents!” I protested.

“Is that for me?” she asked, gesturing toward the box I was covering.

“No. Lukas,” I said, trying to sit back up.

“Baby, you're bleeding,” she said, drawing my attention to the hand I must've stabbed when I started flailing. “You got something for Lukas?”

“Can you hand me a—thank you,” I said, taking the tissue from her. She left and came back with wound gel and a Band-aid. “Yeah, I'm not going to not give him a gift just because he's an asshole.”

Sarah waited quietly while I cleaned up and bandaged my hand, annoyed at how deep I'd gotten myself without even noticing. Of course, my other hand was already a swollen, scabbed mess from punching Lukas the day before, so I was already ignoring a lot of pain. I'd only hit him once, but I'd managed to wreck my hand. He'd had a huge bruise on his jaw when I'd checked his bed to see if he'd come home, so I hadn't just hurt myself.

“I honestly thought you weren't coming home,” she whispered. I looked up at her. She was shaking, staring at my left hand. It was safer than my face, I supposed. I had a black eye myself. My right arm was bruised from wrist to elbow and had more on my upper arm, but I was wearing long sleeves to spare her all of that.

“I wasn't sure I was,” I whispered back, and she finally met my eyes. “I almost used it.”

'It' was a credit card Lukas had given me in July, after I'd healed most of my injuries from Sébastien. He'd apologized over and over as he gave it to me and said that if living with him was ever not what I wanted anymore, to use it to take a plane and get a hotel wherever I needed to get away from him. He promised to ship all my things, no questions asked, and never bother me again. I threw it in the trash and told him to fuck off with that, that I'd made my decision, but I found it in my wallet later with a note saying 'You will never be my prisoner again.'

I'd spent an hour staring at it last night at the coffee shop I'd picked to brood in and metaphorically lick my wounds. In the end, I'd gone out to my car and cried because that wasn't what I wanted. I wanted the fighting to stop. I wanted him to be the Lukas I looked forward to seeing when I had a night off or came home from a day shift on the ambulance. I wanted him to stop being a moody, abusive asshole.

“Why didn't you?” Sarah asked, her voice listless. I pulled her into a tight hug and kissed her head.

“Because I love him,” I answered. She pushed away and looked up at me, confused. “Were you afraid I was staying for you?”

“Yes,” she whimpered. “Jamie still hasn't come back.”

“I don't blame her,” I said. Jamie had used her card twice. The first time had been a nightmare. Sarah had been so upset that she made herself sick, ended up lethargic and... I had packed her things and planned to use my card to fly us out to Jamie. Sarah wouldn't make the decision herself. She couldn't pick between the three of us, she'd said, and with two of us here, she'd been effectively trapped. I was going to choose for her, because Lukas wasn't worth losing her like that. He couldn't be. Then Jamie had called and asked if she could come home.

'You can always come home,' had been Lukas's answer. They weren't one way. I could use the card, go home to my parents, make a decision, the same way Jamie had done. It was the healthier choice—leaving, assessing, getting away from the man I felt addicted to. But I wasn't healthy.

“When you stopped him from hitting her—is your arm broken?” Sarah asked. I shook my head.

“No, just bruised. He never hits hard enough to break anything,” I answered.

“I'm sorry. I'm so sorry,” Sarah said, sitting back and looking around the room. “You're just trying to do something normal, and I'm—”

“I suck at this,” I said, gesturing to the few things I had already wrapped. “I'm going to tell everyone I outsourced my wrapping job to a drunk T-Rex.”

“They'd believe it,” she got out after laughing far too hard at my stupid joke.

“I know I should give up and use gift bags, but... It's our first Christmas together in a real house, and... And are we going to celebrate that flock binding thing we did? That's next week. I got presents for that, too. It feels like an anniversary. I want it to be an anniversary, I think? Do you? But if Jamie isn't back...”

“She'll be back,” Sarah said, confident. “I think last night just scared her really badly. It scared me.”

“I was too angry to be scared,” I admitted. “Jamie had every right to say that. He had it coming, and he needs to learn to fucking take criticism. I'm not going to tiptoe around him all the goddamned time and let him behave like an overpowered fucking toddler. I don't give a fuck about his fucking fucked shit fucking...”

I threw the scissors. I wasn't thinking. They embedded in the wall, and we both stared at them. I took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm down. My chest hurt.

“Yeah,” Sarah said quietly. “I don't understand why you two can't back off when he's so obviously upset.”

“He needs to learn to talk about it,” I answered. “I wasn't afraid last night like I usually am. I just got angry. I think he's scared me too many times, and he's definitely hit me too many.”

“But you're not the one who said it.”

“No, because I was going to go walk it off. Like he needs to learn to do. But when he stomped over at her, I snapped. I wasn't going to let him hit her again. He never gets to hit her again. Over my dead body. I'm done with it.” I looked down into the box at the gift I'd got and sighed. “I can't give it to him now. Fuck.”

“Why? You were just—”

“Because I've associated it now. It's linked to last night. And please don't blame yourself. I'm the clumsy jerk who decided it was a great idea to stack twenty boxes on top of each other and then smacked my elbow into them.”

“I count eight.”

“I can't have hyperbole?”

“Oh,” she said and shook her head. “Sorry.”

“Don't be. Please.” I took her hands in mine and kissed her. Then I made a decision about the box. “I'm giving it to Jamie.”

“What even is it?”

“Original vinyl LP set of Pink Floyd's The Wall,” I answered.

“Oh my god, they would both love that,” Sarah said.

“Yep. I'll need to go find something else for Lukas,” I said, feeling immensely better. “I think I'm going to give him a book on anger management.”

“You want to start a fight on Christmas?” Sarah asked, flipping her hands out.

“I don't think it will,” I said. “But I'm going to give it to him as his 'sorry I hit you' present.”

“You aren't!”

“I am. I hit him. That's what we do, right?”

“And you don't think he's going to hit you again for it?” She shook her head in disbelief.

“I think he'll read it,” I answered. “He reads pretty much anything you stick in his hands. I think he'll be mad, but he won't hit me while I still have a black eye. He'll keep his temper until all the bruises are gone. It's what he does.”

“You'll have to get it soon, then. It's barely there,” she said, looking closely at my face. “It's really light.”

“Good. It'll be gone by Christmas then. I really don't want it there when our parents are visiting.”

“Me, either.” Sarah kissed my cheek. “Now, is your hand broken?”

“Not... exactly...”

“It's broken?” she shouted, grabbing my wrist. Pain made my vision swim a little as she yanked it up to look at it better.

“It's not broken. I don't think. My middle finger was jammed,” I said, pulling it away to shake it a little. “Everything moves. I'm just glad this happened at the beginning of the weekend.”

“Your finger is black!”

“It's purple.”

“It's purple!” she looked at me with horror, and I shrugged.

“I knocked two of his teeth out, Sarah. That doesn't happen without some damage happening back.” I couldn't meet her shocked eyes. I guess she hadn't seen him spit them out into his hand before he backhanded me and stormed off. One had been a fang. That was what had cut my hand open so badly. I wasn't sure if a broken fang had to grow back or if it would repair itself, so I was hoping I knocked the whole tooth out. Then I realized that everyone had left her alone last night in the wake of that bullshit. “I'm so sorry I just left.”

“I understand,” she said and finally hugged me back. “Okay. Let's pretend that whole conversation didn't happen and instead, let me teach you how to wrap gifts.”

“Forget it. I'm being ridiculous. I'll just go get—”

“No. I know you can learn how to do this,” she said, her eyes lighting up with determination. “First, though, I'm going to teach you how to cut the paper because it looks like you just stabbed it with the scissors while tearing it.”

“Ouch.”

“No, it shouldn't hurt,” she joked and crawled over to the wall to pull on the scissors. They came out easily, thank goodness. I winced.

“I'm—”

“No more apologies! The wall has learned its lesson, and hopefully Lukas—who these were clearly meant for—did, too! And that's the end of it! Now, show me how you think paper is cut.”

“Is this how you talk to kindergartners?” I teased her.

“Oooh, right. Okay, sweetie. Let's see you cut this paper,” she said, giving me a giant, encouraging grin that made me burst out laughing. I demonstrated, and she stopped me halfway and actually corrected my fucking usage of scissors. I watched in amazement when she used them to glide along the dotted lines on the back of the paper like she was slicing butter. Three minutes later, I was doing it, too, and she cheered at me like I was a five year old and stuck a bow on my forehead. Ten minutes later, I had two packages wrapped and looking decent. I felt worse about my first attempts, but I wasn't going to redo them. They were wrapped with love, after all.

I had to shoo her out to wrap her gifts, and a half hour later, I had everything done and under the tree. I felt tremendously better. Then I decided it was time to press my luck and booked it out of the house to go get a pointed gift for Lukas. The sun had already set by the time I got home, and I was so relieved I braked too hard and squeaked my tires when I saw everyone's cars were in their spots.

I started to run inside, tripped on the edge of the driveway, and barely stopped myself from hitting the ground. I chose to walk after that, my ankle aching where I'd rolled it. I clutched the gift bag tightly as I unlocked the door and took a deep breath before I opened it.

“Well, you don't look as bad as I expected,” Jamie said when I swung the door open. She was hanging her jacket up, so she must've just gotten home right before me.

“Hello to you, too,” I said before hugging her. She yelped.

“You're frozen! Too cold, too cold!” She rubbed her arms in emphasis when I let her go. “Don't you use the heater?”

“I was hot and didn't really need it,” I said. She shook her head. Lukas was sitting in his chair, slumped to the side and looking miserable. Ah, good, he knew what he did. I strode across the living room and tossed the bag in his lap before returning to Sarah to sit on the couch and scoop her into my lap. I tried to ignore that I was using her like a shield. Lukas frowned at the bag and looked at me.

“Sorry about...” I gestured to his face. I felt horrible. It looked awful, and what it took to bruise a vampire that badly would have put a human in the hospital. I swore to myself to never punch him in the face again. I couldn't handle it. Knowing that I'd done that hurt. It hurt more than all of my own bruises. “Your fang isn't broken, is it?”

“It went back in,” he said, frowning into the bag. He pulled the book out and sighed. “I do not know what to do.”

“About what?” Sarah asked. Jamie had wiggled her way in between me and the arm of the couch, pulling Sarah half into her lap.

“If I tell you, I put you all at risk,” he answered. That got my attention.

“I accept that risk,” I said without hesitation.

“Me, too,” Sarah said. Lukas looked at Jamie, but she was refusing to look at him, trying to make herself small and invisible.

“I think he wants to hear that from you, too,” I told her. She shrugged.

“I wouldn't fucking be here if I hadn't accepted all the risks of being in a master's household,” she said.

“You understand that the risk is your lives? Or worse?”

“You mean like what Sébastien did? What we're still here after? What we already know could happen again?” I snapped. Lukas went off in a stream of German that left me staring blankly. Jamie sighed softly.

“Sie sprechen kein Deutsch,” she said. He stood up and started pacing, gesturing wildly as he spoke. Jamie stiffened next to me.

“There was a fight at the meeting last night. Isaiah challenged Filomena and won. It was a bloodbath! I did not want him on the council, but now he is there, and I can do nothing,” he ranted. “I trust Filomena far more. As my sixth, Isaiah already required me to be on my guard. He was invaluable there, but he is a dangerous sociopath. You think I am bad...”

“Think he beats his loved ones?” I muttered. Lukas stopped and cocked his head to the side.

“No, she would kill him in his sleep,” Lukas said, and I stared at him, not having expected an answer. I remembered Isaiah was responsible for blowing up Sébastien's hideout when they came to rescue us. It had been a lovely fire. “Assuming that she survived. He loses himself when he fights.”

“So you made a conscious decision to hurt me. Nice,” I grumbled. Lukas stopped to stare at me, and I realized that I was fucking up, pushing him when he was trying to open up. But I didn't want to apologize. He deserved every snarky comment. He took slow, deliberate steps toward the couch, and I stiffened. I quickly pushed Sarah onto Jamie and stood up to walk away from them, protecting them from my mistake. “I—”

His arms pulled me into a hug right before he collapsed to his knees. I went down with him, landing to straddle his thighs. He shook and began speaking in German, repeating himself over and over.

“Es tut mir Leid,” he cried. “Vergib mir. Virgib mir. Bitte, bitte, vergib mir!”

“I...” I hugged him back, helpless against this. The last part sounded like 'forgive me.' He was begging my forgiveness? I understood 'please.' He was sobbing now, and I hugged him as tightly as I could. “Please don't cry. I forgive you?”

“I should have stopped. You should leave me. I cannot promise that I will never do it again. I will not lie to you. I do not want to hurt you.” He said something after that in German, but I couldn't follow.

“What?”

“He said 'save yourself from me,'” Jamie translated. “Bockmist.”

“Huh?” I asked her, but she shook her head. Lukas mumbled an agreement with whatever it was. Jamie stood up and bolted across the room.

“Manipulative bullshit,” she snapped as she ran. She threw out a lot of German after. Lukas cried against my shoulder as she did. She stopped at the doorway and turned back. Her eyes were wide with fear of retaliation. Tears shone in them. “All any of us have done is care about you! Shutting us out doesn't negate the risk that comes from just living in this house. All it does it cause us all stress and misery! It's your choice! All of it!”

Lukas cried harder and balled his hands in my shirt. Jamie ran into her bedroom and slammed and locked the door. I couldn't handle any more and tried to get him to look at me. His crying was ripping my heart apart. But when he did finally look up, it wasn't better, because there was the mark from my fist. My breath hitched.

“How can I take care of you if you hurt me for trying?” I cried at him. He shook his head, tears falling from his face. “I can't save myself. It's too late. Like Jamie said, that was your choices. You can choose not to hurt me.”

“I cannot.”

“Your choice,” I repeated, and he shook his head. “I love you.”

“Ich liebe dich,” he replied.

“Then act like it,” I said before I kissed his eyes. “I'm so, so sorry that I hit you. I won't do it again.”

“You may have to,” he mumbled. I shook my head.

“No. I will never hit you like that again at the very least. Never,” I swore. I touched his jaw and he leaned into my touch, even though it had to hurt. “Never.”

“Take off your shirt,” he rasped. I sighed and stood up to comply. He tried to get up and fell back. I caught him and steadied him to stand. He looked at my arms and turned me to look at my back. Again, he apologized in German, the same as before. I tried to memorize the sounds of the words so I could look them up later to be sure.

“Can I put my shirt back on? Sarah's crying.” I could hear her little gasps. Lukas let go of me to go to her, and I took that as permission to hide the bruises away. When I turned around, he was sitting next to her, an arm on the back of the couch behind her, but holding himself back, waiting for her to come to him. She was looking at me. “Go ahead.”

She turned and collapsed into his arms. He looked at me imploringly as he pulled her close. I didn't want to sit with him, so I shook my head. I didn't understand him, why he had to control everyone but himself.

“Can I make this up to you?” Lukas asked us, looking between Sarah and me. I shrugged.

“What are you thinking?” Sarah asked.

“I will talk about these things, the dangerous things. You can never talk about them with others, though,” he said.

“We already knew that,” I said. Lukas nodded and looked at the floor.

“The more that you know, the more what I deal with will come home. It would make things easier for me. I have... often gotten angry because you would not leave it alone and I want nothing more than to be able to talk.”

“That's—” I stopped myself from saying 'the stupidest fucking thing I've ever heard.' Not productive. I needed to choose every word here carefully. “What we... obviously sensed... was going on.”

“I can hide you from my life with your ignorance,” he said. “This can be a new start for you. Once I take that—”

“Lukas,” Sarah said, touching his face gently and making him look in her eyes. “We're together. We're your peeps, remember? Your flock?”

“You bound us together almost a year ago,” I added, and he turned to look at me. I heard movement behind me and checked to see Jamie peeking out from the doorway. She was shaking. “I was asking Sarah if we were going to celebrate that as an anniversary.”

I couldn't understand whatever Lukas said after that. He clutched Sarah to himself like a security blanket and buried his face in her hair. I turned to Jamie, and she sighed.

“He's just wallowing in his mistakes again,” she muttered.

“How little you must believe I think of what was, to me, a very important gesture,” Lukas said. “You ask to celebrate the very thing that I have violated. I do not mean to erase our flock. I mean only to protect it. But I told you that it meant I would include you, and here, I have made it a lie. I did not want that. I—”

“You hate lies between the people you love. I know,” I said. “Free pass on this. We get it. You wanted to give us the freedom you stole.”

“Geneau!”

“I still don't speak German, but that sounded like an agreement,” I said with a slight laugh. He nodded. “I really wish someone would answer me on if we're going to make it our anniversary. I really don't want it to be the day of the train wreck.”

“Is that why you took a twenty-four and weren't home that entire day?” Sarah asked. I nodded.

“I second the motion to make the flock binding our group anniversary,” Jamie said. I turned and smiled gratefully at her.

“Oh! I didn't realize earlier—yes, I agree,” Sarah said.

“I already bought gifts,” Lukas said, and I smiled at him.

“Me, too,” I said. He smiled back.

“You said you were going to talk,” Jamie said. “That's why I came out. What's going on? What are you worried about? Who's Isaiah?”

“He was the vampire that blew up Sébastien's torture shack,” I said. Lukas looked surprised. I explained, “I really liked when he did that.”

“You...” Lukas laughed. “As Zack said, he enjoys pyrotechnics. He is a mercenary by trade, and I control all of his contracts in order to keep him in line. He came to me to sell his services against Sébastien when I opened my challenge against him.”

“What's the council?” Jamie continued. I walked over to sit near Lukas on the couch but not touching. He hugged Sarah a little tighter. Jamie took an easy chair.

“My four highest lieutenants,” he answered. “A fifth lieutenant is counted in the event the council needs a tie-breaker and I cannot do it myself. Isaiah was my sixth. The count begins with my second, then third, et cetera.”

“Who's your second?” I asked, curious.

“Samiya. I truly would prefer Niccolo as my second, but he cannot hold it. It is entirely personal—Samiya is easily the best for the position, and I trust her perhaps more than anyone other than Niccolo. But he is my friend, and I just prefer spending time with him.”

“Is he straight?” I asked before I could stop myself. I didn't want to know! I started to say that when Lukas raised his eyebrow at me and smirked.

“Yes,” Lukas answered. “We are only friends, and he is a womanizer. Not in a cruel way—he is kind and doting—but he flirts with any woman who gives him any attention at all.”

“Is he on the council at all?” Jamie asked.

“He is my third, yes,” Lukas confirmed. “It is generally better to have a military strategist there or in the second position, but I can serve in that function myself.”

“You were military? Oh, yeah, knight and the Vampire Revolutionary War and all that,” I said, shaking my head.

“I am military,” Lukas said. “I am a Master Sergeant in the United States Army.”

“You're what?” Sarah and I asked together. Lukas chuckled.

“I am inactive. I fulfilled my duty tour in Bosnia.”

“Is a Master Sergeant high?” I asked, not really knowing much about the military. Lukas nodded. “How long did you serve, then?”

“Would you believe that I joined the US Army in 1943?” Lukas said, looking very amused. “I spent most of the war hiding due to the American Vampire War, but I took a risk when I heard how desperately the Army needed volunteers. It was not spoken of, but vampire recruits were quietly admitted if we volunteered.”

“You fought Nazis?” I asked, surprised.

“Not overseas, but I contributed here at home. Due to my experience and rank of captain in the Vampire Revolutionary War, I was enlisted as a corporal. I was promoted to sergeant, and that rank was found in the records when I returned after the Truce.”

“Were you part of the vampire draft?” Jamie asked. Lukas shook his head.

“I was not yet a citizen during Vietnam,” Lukas said. “Deliberately. I did not yet trust the Truce. The draft made me trust it even less.”

“So, if there's another draft, would you be a part of it?” I asked. Lukas shook his head.

“I will have returned to active duty before any draft is required unless I am opposed to the war in question. At that point, I will not be available to be drafted,” he said. I nodded.

“When I registered with Selective Service, I thought about that a lot. I wasn't happy with the president or the war at the time, and I wondered what I'd do if they activated it.”

“Selective Service?” Sarah asked, frowning.

“The draft thing? All US men between eighteen and twenty-five have to sign up. You didn't know?” I asked. She shook her head.

“I never heard about it. Maybe because I was out of the country when I and most of my friends turned eighteen?” she said. I looked at Jamie, and she shrugged.

“I had a friend who joined the Navy to get a scholarship who said that he might as well since he had to register with Selective Service anyway,” she said. “So, I knew about it.”

“So, you serve as your own military adviser?” Jamie returned us to our conversation.

“In a fashion, yes. I enlisted the advice of all current and prior military officers in our strategy plannings during the takeover. Wars have always led to new vampires from the fallen.” Lukas looked longingly at me again, but I still didn't scoot over. “The council consists of the strongest and most powerful in the flock. Isaiah certainly qualifies, but I had hoped he did not have the ambition.”

“Are you worried about him gunning for the top?”

“I am worried about everyone except Samiya, Niccolo and Filomena in that respect. My flock is new and born of the blood of our previous master. It now contains the remnants of another master's territory that I usurped. I can never rest easy.”

“Why do you trust Samiya and Filomena so much?” I asked. He'd already explained why he trusted Niccolo.

“Samiya would tell me first if she was displeased with my leadership. She did so to Sébastien, and he foolishly ignored her. Filomena does not have the strength nor the heart to rule. She requires someone higher that she trusts to protect her. I know the mistakes Sébastien made with her to not repeat them. They were my highest lieutenants through my entire revolution, from the first night.”

“Is Filomena still alive?” Jamie asked. “You said it was a bloodbath.”

“She is, and it was. Isaiah had the sense to stop without killing her when she lost consciousness. I do not wish to discuss the details, but it reminds me of how very dangerous and unscrupulous he is in a fight. He barely stopped, and it was only because I spoke his name.”

“And now he's helping make decisions for the entire territory?” Jamie asked, her tone incredulous. “After that?”

“That is how fights for succession go,” Lukas said, sounding tired. “But yes, you see why I am unhappy.”

“But you're the master. Can't you just say you want it to change?” I asked. Lukas sighed.

“I am changing what I can as I go. I do not get to reinvent every rule we have just because it inconveniences me,” he said. “The council I have developed is new enough. I had to leave some systems in place.”

“That sucks,” Sarah said. Lukas nodded.

“This is the kinda shit you've been keeping to yourself?” I asked. Lukas nodded. “No wonder you've been so fucking stressed out. I'm glad you're going to stop it. How are you supposed to get any rest from it if you just let it stew in your head until you're burned out?”

“I do not know. I always had Sébastien to talk with before,” he said. “I did not realize how much relief I would feel by telling you this. I thought I would only worry more about you for knowing it. I am forgiven?”

“Yes,” Sarah said.

“I guess,” I said at the same time.

“Provisionally,” Jamie murmured. Lukas turned to her.

“The provision, I assume, is that I continue divulging my stresses?”

“Mm-hmm,” she said.

“Then may I stop being isolated? Please?” he asked, looking down at his empty right hand. I sighed and scooted over to sit under that arm. Jamie got up and sat next to Sarah. Lukas hugged me too hard, too tightly. “Are you hungry?”

“Yes,” we all three said together. Lukas chuckled and squeezed me and Sarah.

“Good. I booked reservations at Hippolyte's,” he said. We all stared at him.

“When?” Sarah asked. Lukas looked down at the floor.

“Last night.”

“How?” we all three chorused.

“The Hippolyte's? The one in San Francisco with three Michelin stars and an all vampire staff?” Jamie confirmed as Lukas nodded.

“I have my ways,” he said. “I assume that it was a good choice?”

“When is it? Do I have time to shower? My hair!” Sarah jumped off the couch and bolted for my bathroom, Jamie on her heels.

“We have two hours,” he called out.

“That's it?” Jamie cried before slamming my door shut.

“Dammit, I have to wait two more hours?” I grumbled as I dutifully aimed for the other bathroom with a shower next to Lukas's bedroom. “And wear a suit, I assume?”

“You assume correctly,” Lukas said from directly behind me. I jumped into the wall, but he caught me before I hit. I hadn't realized he was following me. He took my arm and turned me to face him. “I am truly sorry for the pain I have brought to us all.”

“I know.”

“You said you forgive me, but then you only say— ”

“I forgive the bruises. I'm not ready to forgive the pattern or that you went after Jamie or that you didn't even give us the choice until tonight,” I answered. He relaxed and nodded.

“I understand that.”

“And I forgive you for who you are,” I said, shrugging. “I'm here, aren't I?”

“I am grateful,” he whispered and rested his forehead against mine. “Ich liebe dich.”

“I love you, too. Now I have to get ready for your apology gift.”

“I will further apologize by laying out your suit,” he said, and I snorted.

“I know that's a sneaky way of making sure I'm dressed up enough, but honestly, I actually do appreciate it, so thank you,” I said before kissing him. He pulled back faster than I expected, and then I remembered that I'd busted his mouth. I sighed and touched his jaw gently. “Do you forgive me?”

“Of course. You were only defending yourself,” he said and mirrored the touch on my face. “I long for a night when this ends. I truly do.”

“You and me both,” I said. “I'm not the one in the driver's seat for this ride, though.”

“As you say.” He kissed me one more time before stepping back to let me move on. There was a lot of moving on to be done tonight.