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Blood
Dhampir
H.S. Kallinger
A novel
of Found Humanity
Book
2
College
wasn't high school. I'd expected that to some extent, but there was a big
difference between presupposition and experience. I had coasted in high school
and community college. I was bored, perpetually waiting, and, it turned out,
egotistical as hell. I had no idea how much I'd fucked up not pushing to be
valedictorian. Or with my apparent assumption that everything was always going
to be easy. I hadn't even realized I thought that way until I was surrounded by
people smarter than me.
This was what I had been waiting for.
On the housing paperwork, I'd written in that I
was 'nonbinary, so good luck assigning me a same-gender roommate.' I think
housing took it as a challenge. My roommate, Ry, was flamboyantly girly,
assigned male at birth, and a demigirl.
When she saw my dresses as I was unpacking, she
shut our door and ran over to hug me for three whole minutes. Unlike me, she
had never met another nonbinary person. She'd been dismissed as the flaming gay
of her rural California school. I got the honor of being the first person she
told her real pronouns to.
She drove me up the damn wall. She had zero
boundaries. The repression/deprivation-binge was strong in her. She word
vomited every night when we were getting ready for bed. I remembered Jax
commenting on how much I talked, and I was made aware of how much I wanted
to talk when I couldn't get a word in until it was my turn.
She borrowed my clothes, but I couldn't fit into
hers to reciprocate. Her organizational skills were abominable, and I had to be
the one to keep our tiny room clean. I had said I didn't mind a messy roommate,
so that was on me.
She touched me constantly, got me so turned on
that I almost couldn't breathe, and then bounced off to her own bed to sleep,
oblivious to what she'd done to me. Her sex drive was low, and she was looking
for a friend in me, nothing more. I had to keep reminding myself to behave. But
holy fuck, could she please quit sitting in my lap?
At least I had no problems talking bodily
functions or remembering to make mild food when she was PMSing. I was so used
to it with my mom and Jax that I was the one who noticed and told her what
estrogen was doing to her. She had three brothers and parents who were
convinced she was just gay, which they did support... barely.
Her E was black market because she couldn't get
it without claiming she was simply a trans woman, which she wasn't. Worse, the
doctors had told her that without a surgery plan, they just didn't think she
was trans enough to bother with. I affirmed her regularly to make up for it. We
were planning to request to room together again next year.
In conclusion, I adored her and wouldn't have
wanted any other roommate.
Ry was a computer nerd on track for a degree in
Mechanical Engineering. A quarter with me had her talking about possibly
switching to Biomechanical Engineering. I spent the time undeclared.
I knew I was minoring in Feminist Studies, but I
wasn't sure I wanted to major in Human Biology until I'd talked to enough
upperclassmen and our Academic Advising Director on the subject. It simply
wasn't useful on its own.
The whole 'your major doesn't matter, just
passion' answer I was given before I arrived hadn't helped me. I was passionate
about a lot of things that wouldn't be helpful in med school. I wasn't even
certain what kind of doctor I wanted to be yet.
I'd been considering OB/GYN until talking to Ry,
and now I was leaning toward Family Medicine. Internists made more, but I
wanted to help trans kids, too, and I wasn't sure I wanted to have to take
Internal Medicine and Pediatrics. At least I had a few years before I
had commit.
Being without a car would have bugged me if I had
the time to party outside of the Farm—the campus. There was always plenty to do.
I hit creative house performances when they popped up and seldom missed crêpe
night at La Maison Française house. Getting to practice my French with a big
group was fun. My fluency had dropped, but everyone there was happy to help me rectify
that.
I took Caltrain into the city a few times when I
was antsy and desperate to spend the night with Lex. Overnight guest rules were
limited as hell, and I was afraid of getting in trouble having them here, even
if Ry kept telling me it was fine. She cleared out for us whenever I asked. A hotel in San Francisco was still cheaper
than the nightly fine if Lex was caught, and I enjoyed visiting the city.
I explored the idea of couples housing, but I
would never meet the requirements because a domestic partnership required
monogamy. Sure, we could lie, but at that point, we may as well get married for
it. Also, I didn't want to live in graduate housing. I wanted the freshman
community that had welcomed me without blinking. We were all new here, all
weird in some way, and I fit in better than I had anywhere else in my life. I
still wasn't using the word 'frosh.' It could die in a fire. That amused my
classmates.
Eccentricity was everywhere here. I could have
done without the sexual harassment, but I'd at least been prepared for that. I
was more frustrated that I didn't have the time for it.
Geoff, the sophomore who'd adopted me to mentor,
assured me that I'd learn to balance it all. As soon as I did, the workload got
heavier, of course, but I knew what I was aiming for at that point and was able
to catch up faster.
The biggest problem was the sudden access to too
many things I had. I was pushing to get pre-med completed in three years, half
for cost and half to help on my application to UCSF. I needed to sparkle in a
sea of fucking glitter if I was going to get in. The work wasn't hard; it was
just demanding. Hell, I was having fun in a way I never had in my life.
I was also stressed out, half-drowning, and
trying desperately to project an air of poise and rationality. Like everything
was fine. A duck, they called it. Paddling furiously below the water while
looking calm and collected as I floated along.
“You’re singing again,” Aiden said, nudging me.
“Sorry,” I said, startled out of my hyperfocus.
“It's been stuck in my head all day.”
“Mine, too, because you sing it every time you're
thinking about something else,” Ry teased. I sang deliberately, loudly in
response.
“Gabriel, I swear—you actually have a decent
voice, and I don't mind the singing, but—if I have to hear that
song again, I'm going to find out what song you really, really hate, and I will
learn it on my trombone to play outside your door right before we're supposed
to shut up for the night,” Nathan threatened me. I tried to decide if I was
more amused or intimidated by the threat as I shook with laughter.
He picked up the mechanical prosthetic foot he
was working on and shook it at me menacingly. His necklace fell forward from
where it had caught under his overshirt and swung, the silver Hebrew letters
catching my eye briefly. I'd asked him about it, and he'd said it read 'chai,'
meaning 'life.' He was the only guy in our friend group who wore a necklace,
other than me.
“If you throw that, does it count as kicking
him?” Aiden asked.
“Yes,” Nathan said. He ran a hand through his
short, brown hair. “Long-distance kicks are one of my superpowers. But I'm not
sure if it counts as kicking him with my own foot when I haven't tested
this one out yet.”
“That seems rigid. Don't you need flex to propel
with a foot?” Ry asked, leaning closer to inspect it.
“It has enough elasticity for both shock
absorption and propulsion. You think I don't know how a foot prosthetic works?”
He flipped out his hand in offense.
“Have you ever even met an amputee?” Ry
teased, and Nathan laughed. He pulled up his pants leg, showing off the black
metal prosthesis that ran up to his knee. The top part that covered his peachy-tan
skin was also black rather than trying to match.
“I don't really need a motorized robot leg
myself. The few I've tried... I don't need my battery dying during a hike, and
I feel like I have more control with this. Even if I don't end up using my
prototype myself, it'll help someone. But I won't know if the things I
don’t like can be corrected if I don't try to do it myself, will I?” He lifted
his project foot. It was silver. “This one isn’t handling impact stress as well
as I want to see.”
“I love robotics and engineering, but I've had so
little opportunity to actually build anything,” Ry admitted. “I'm going
to fix that, dammit.”
“Well...” Nathan launched into an explanation
about the engineering of his device, and I picked up my headphones.
I liked being out in the lounge, but it could be
too distracting to work in... if I didn't compensate. Nanako, a fellow premed,
waved as she ran by. I waved back, careful not to draw attention when I tasted
her scent in the breeze she created. I loved her hibiscus shampoo. Aiden tossed
a bottle of water to me as I reached for my MP3 player, and I caught it. I held
it up in thanks, and he smiled back.
“Need any help on that?” he asked, pointing to my
laptop. I shook my head.
“Nah, this is easy—as long as I'm not getting
distracted. You need any help?” I asked. He squinted. I felt him weighing his
ego against asking for assistance. I took my headphones off and got up to sit
on his couch. Nathan took my spot to sit next to Ry. I grabbed my stuff and
moved it with me.
I explained how I broke down the concepts Aiden
was struggling with and helped him ignore the convoluted crap his professor had
used in the lecture before returning to my own paper. Right before I hit play
on my music, I looked around the room at my new friends and smiled at the
feeling that this was becoming home now.
*
* *
I almost didn't return to Kansas City over winter
break. Mom and Dad expected me to stay here, but Jax hadn't. It was the note of
pain as they told me it was fine that reversed my decision. I felt weird and
disconnected when I got home. Life in KC had gone on without me, and I had
become a stranger. I didn't know how that had happened so quickly.
Having Jax back was strange, too. They fit in my
arms and my heart just like they always had, but I couldn't enjoy it the way I
needed. I had to leave too quickly. I couldn't let myself get attached to their
warm body against mine in our cool bedroom.
I'd missed the cold. One of my favorite parts of
going up to the city was the cold ocean air and fog. If I didn't guard myself,
I'd be trying to sneak Jax back with me. So, instead, I ruined the visit for
myself and hoped they didn't notice.
Vicky came by to say hi, but she was equally as detached
as I, even though I'd talked to her almost as much as Jax. Scheduling all my
partners' instant messages and calls wasn't the easiest, but I endeavored to
nurture that which I loved.
Allison, on the other hand, didn't come home for
the holidays. She hadn't forgiven her father for the stunt over the summer. I
couldn't blame her, but it hurt not seeing her and added to the alienation I
felt over 'home.'
The best part about the visit was, hands down, watching
Lex celebrate their first Christmas. We inflated an air mattress and slept in
the living room together so they could bask in the light of the tree. They were
trembling with excitement when Dad handed them their first gift. It woke me up
briefly to fill with their joy. It was the only time I truly felt a part of
everything. Then it slipped away.
Dad asked if I'd been in the vampire world since
moving and was relieved when I said I didn't have time. I asked him if I was in
a leader or master territory, and he refused to answer until right before I
left. Master, San Francisco, near the border to San Jose's territory. San Jose
was also a master. He couldn't get much more information than that. He was
nervous about the border being right there, but since I wasn't getting involved
with vampires, I should be safe.
After the whole terrifying fiasco in Florida in
October, where a hotel full of human blood slaves was rescued, I was nervous
about going to any clubs. Finding out I was in a master territory ruined the
idea for me. I'd been thinking that if I went with a group, it would be okay,
but the slaves had been a huge group! An exploded train full.
The news said that less than half were claiming
to have been captives. Dad told me that the smart ones would stay silent so
that they didn't face retribution. I wasn't sure what to believe, but there had
been a lot of visibly traumatized people in the hotel lobby shots. Almost all
of them had been college students like me.
That left me with the problem of my bloodlust.
The first time I interrupted some asshole with his hands all over a girl who
was visibly upset about it, I almost lost control. At the last second, I hit
the wall next to them, scaring the fuck out of both of them.
I turned my hunter-dilated eyes to him and said
she didn't look happy. He ran. She thanked me, but I'd frightened her on top of
what he did. It was understandable that she wanted me to get the hell away, so
I mumbled an apology and did just that.
My sleep was disturbed after. I had nightmares
that I killed everyone on my floor because I couldn't control my hunger. I woke
up starving and horny to Ry shaking my hand through my bed rail. My bed was
lofted too high for her to do anything else. It probably protected her, too,
because I grabbed her wrist and would have done something I'd regret if I'd
been able to get her under me.
It scared me. I scared me.
That had been all the way back in October, the night
before the hotel of lost souls was discovered. So, I hadn't sought out the
vampire mentoring that I needed. The next time it happened, it was a drunk
asshole pinning me to a wall at a party. He wouldn't let me get past him, kept
saying my dress looked so good on me.
I tried to laugh him away, flirt him away, and
finally, as his hand went up my skirt, I attacked him. Geoff and Aiden pulled
me away and told the other guy to go sober up. I didn't know where they were
before I had to fight back. I avoided parties with alcohol for a while after
that.
It instigated another night of nightmares and
morning of checking out my classmates' jugulars. I didn't need another attack
to repeat that, though, and it was starting to happen more and more often.
That was a component in why I hadn't wanted to go
home. I was afraid I'd attack Jax. But it didn't happen there. It happened the
night I got back to my room, and it was so atrocious that I woke up crying from
hunger. Ry got me everything from our minifridge, but I threw it up.
I didn't tell her what I was going through. I let
her think I had a stomach bug and carved my thigh up while she was getting food
to restock the fridge. It helped a little, but I ended up having to cut my
wrist to get enough blood to break free of it. I barely made it through my
classes, grateful that I didn't have to change out of my pajamas, woozy with
shame over how I'd spent the morning.
“Whoa, Gabriel, you look like a vampire, dude,”
Aiden said when I looked up for the first time only after banging into him. I
laughed bitterly.
“I feel like one. The sun can fuck off and die,”
I grumbled as we exited the building. He looked up at the sky while I squinted
away from the light. The sun made his eyes almost glow emerald. The red and
gold tones glinted in his auburn hair. He smelled of coffee and musky shampoo.
“It's a nice day for winter. You up late
partying?” he asked. I shook my head.
“Being awake days fucks with me, makes me feel
like shit. I'm half vampire, you know? My dad's one? I dunno if other dhampir
are as sensitive as I am, but I'll feel better after I nap through the rest of
the afternoon.”
“Ooh, I didn't know that. Heh, no wonder you look
half-dead. Guess you kinda are,” he said. I tried not to take offense. He
clearly didn't understand how close that was to a slur. “You probably don't
wanna translate professor into real English then, do you?”
“Right now? I had to record the lecture because I
couldn't follow anything today,” I said, shaking my head. “I hate days like
this because I feel like I wasted my meds.”
“Meds?”
“ADHD.”
“Oh. My cousin's got that,” he said. “Or ADD.
They had to hold him back a year before they figured it out. Once they got him
on meds, he caught up.”
“It's never interfered with my ability to retain
information, but doing anything that took longer than fifteen minutes was
impossible. Except reading. I'd read a whole book in an hour without stopping.
I struggled to sit still and be quiet, though, and my impulse control is shit,”
I said.
“You still can't sit still and be quiet,” Aiden
teased. I snorted. Vertigo hit me, and he caught me when I tripped. “Seriously.
You sure you aren't sick? I've seen you in the day plenty, and you don't look
this bad.”
“Jet lag, maybe,” I mumbled.
“Just got
back from visiting home yesterday.”
“Let's get you back to Roble, then,” he said.
“That's where I'm headed.”
“No, it's not.” Aiden stopped me and pointed. I
looked around and groaned. “Dude, you need to crash.”
“No kidding,” I said. He pushed me in the right
direction. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” He patted my shoulder, and I
stumbled back to my dorm.
 |
| Gabby |
 |
| Ry |
 |
| Aiden |
 |
| Nathan |
Full book coming soon! https://hskallinger.weebly.com/found-humanity.html
