Lost
Humanity Short Story
Timing: after World of Lost Souls.
Content Warnings: discussions of domestic violence and stalking
Vampire Daughter
“Dad, why do vampires make contracts
with pets?” Eva looked down at her tablet, scrolling through the arrangement
she'd just made with her new pet.
“That one's older than I am,” I
answered, trying to remember everything. “Originally, they served as a kind of
prenuptial agreement, only obviously not marriage-related. They would list
everything the pet owned and if they got to keep whatever the vampire gave them.
But it was also because there were pets suing vampires—and vice versa—over
breach of verbal contracts. Pets saying that the vampire didn't provide full
shelter costs or vampires saying that pets were feeding other vampires, robbing
them of what they were essentially paying for, that sort of thing.”
“But why do we do it with all pets,
then? None of yours ever complained.”
“I'm really picky about pets. Not all
vampires are. Also, when it ends badly, it's a lot like a bad breakup. You
can't predict the other person's behavior,” I explained. “But do you really
think I was going to tell you about those? You were a kid.”
“What? Dad! Did you have a bad end with
a pet?” Eva tossed herself down on the couch and stared at me. “Or someone you
dated? Did you date people I didn't know about?”
“Uh, yes, yes, and yes?” I answered,
leaning away from the intensity in her gaze. She was such a young vampire that
she tended to be volatile in her reactions. I couldn't even predict if she
would be angry, sad, or understanding that I withheld adult information from
her child self.
“I'm not a child now. Tell me.” Her eyes
narrowed. Angry. She was angry. That wasn't fair. But I knew that she couldn't
help it, either. It wasn't long enough ago that I was her age for me to have
forgotten how easy it was to overreact to everything.
“I guess the dating thing is what's
pissing you off? Yeah, okay, well, I've dated Himura Katsuo off and on since...
Uh, remember when you got to meet Uncle Tony's other kids and grandkids for the
first time? Yeah, it was right before that. Garret... got upset over it. He
didn't know he would, and he had said he was fine with it, but he reacted
really badly. Between that and how much work it was juggling Vati, Mom and
Garret in the first place, I just never put the time and energy into Katsuo
that he deserved. So he dumped me.”
“Oh, wow, I'm sorry,” Eva put her hand
on my arm and I shook my head, trying to laugh it off.
“I saw it coming a mile away. I always
kept him at arm's length, so it didn't hurt... a lot. But it affected things we
did together for vampire territory stuff, and that led to... consequences that
are not your business. I still would rather you stayed out of vampire
politics.”
“I hate that, you know,” Eva sulked. “I
know why, but I don't agree. I think the whole vampire justice system is even
shittier than the human one, but from what I've heard, it's not as bad as it
was when you changed, let alone before you met Vati. I feel like a freeloader.
Other vampires who don't get involved choose not to get involved, and
they do it in ignorance. I not only know but am choosing it under duress, and I
still benefit from the privileges of being the Master's daughter, the
Commander's daughter, the Captain of the Guard's niece... I'm still complicit
in the system because of those benefits and my knowledge of them. I should face
the same consequences as anyone else in it.”
“Ultimately, that is your
choice,” I answered, my own guilt rising up to heat my face. “You're not
exiled. I know you participate in San Francisco when you're down there.”
“You—”
“I'm not just the Commander, you know.
I'm a territorial spouse, and I have my own spies, thank you very much. I know
what happens down there, just like Paula knows what happens up here.”
“Paula's as much Master as Emidio,” Eva
said, and I nodded.
“She prefers Mistress, but I knew that
before you ever met them,” I reminded her, letting her evade the subject,
hoping that we could avoid the rest of my yeses. “Hell, I'm still not wrong on
that comparison with how much power Lukas shares with me. Lukas didn't want to
have a Commander position here. It's what he was with his last master, and it
ended badly for him.”
“Is it true that you're half-rogue?” Eva
asked.
“What? No! Where the hell did you hear
that?”
“Maybe don't send the slaves you free
down to San Francisco if you don't want me knowing about it?” She gave me a
look that came one hundred percent from Sarah. Pursed lips, eyebrows up, and
hell, even her voice took on the same quality as her mother's. I sighed in irritation.
“I don't have the time or energy for a
rehab program like Paula runs,” I muttered.
“But slaves aren't against our territory
rules, and freeing them is. So, you regularly commit a crime that everyone
knows you aren't going to be held responsible for. Like a rogue.”
“Vati's last master was also his... ex.
They were together for two hundred years. When they overthrew their master,
they were supposed to rule together, but his ex betrayed him and took the power
for himself. After I found out how strong Vati was, I wondered how that was
possible. Like, I know he loved him, but ultimately, what stopped him from
attacking and demanding what they'd agreed to at any point? It turns out his ex
was immensely strong. Like, could fight Vati and Uncle Tony together and win,
and they're two of the strongest vampires without gifts in the world.
“So, he kept Vati in line, charged him
with any territorial crime he committed just like anyone else. No mercy. Vati
won't do that to me. So, yes, I take advantage of it. The idea got planted in
my head by Uncle Tony when I refused to feed on a slave after a territorial
battle, and he told the handler to get her away from me if he didn't want to
lose her. It was... like that set up the permission I needed to do just that.
Yes, I free every slave I find out about. When I became a territory doctor, I
didn't plan to. I wanted the chance to treat them. But no one trusted me with
them and didn't call, so I decided that I was free to do what I wanted.”
“That's kind of amazing, Dad,” Eva said,
grinning at me. “Do you actually beat up their owners, too?”
“That's not 'amazing.' That's shitty,
and yes, I do if they're there. I yeeted one right into the fucking bay.”
“Dad. How many times do I have to tell
you not to say yeet?”
“What? I use it correctly!” I stuck my
tongue out at her and she rolled her eyes.
“That word is so old!”
“It was 'so old' two years after white
people got their hands on it,” I pointed out. “I picked it up from some
combination of Chris, Rory and the internet. The number of 'Peter Parker
teaches Thor to yeet' memes was ridiculous.”
“But it was Gen Z Peter, so it was cool
for him. And Thor, who's always cool, even when fighting depression. He was
still worthy.” Eva flipped around and leaned her back against me. “Now tell me
about the bad pet endings.”
“There was only one,” I said,
disappointed that I'd failed to stop this conversation in its tracks. “Her name
was Jessica.”
“Wait, Jessica was a bad pet end?” Eva
asked, twisting around.
“Not the Jessica you met. A different
one,” I clarified. “The Jessica you met ended our contract because she moved
back to the East Coast to nanny for her brother. Anyway, this Jessica got
really clingy and stalker-y. She started out cool, but the no sex thing became
a problem for her. At first, I didn't realize how inappropriate she was
getting, and by the time I did, she'd gotten lowkey dangerous. I terminated our
contract after she got pushy for sex, and she started tracking me down at
clubs, the bookstore, the VU, and eventually the hospital. I had to have
security remove her and get a restraining order after that.”
“Whoa.”
“Yeah. Um, she violated it.”
“What?”
“She didn't get past the first gate, but
she showed up at the house. This was when you were a senior in high school. She
was screaming and cutting herself with a knife. Thankfully, all of you guys
were at school at the time, so the police came and got her, and you never had
to know about it.”
“What if she'd gone after one of us?”
Eva asked.
“If I'd thought that was a
possibility...” I trailed off. The things I would do to someone who would hurt
my children were not something I was willing to admit to to Eva. “Just trust me
that I didn't. She was obsessed with me, and she knew me well enough to
know that touching one of my kids would guarantee I would never forgive her for
anything, ever. She wanted me to forgive her. She kept promising to do anything
if I'd just take her back. At the end, she was screaming that if I wouldn't,
then she'd just die.”
“Gross,” Eva said, wrinkling her nose.
“That's the kind of crap abusive assholes pull.”
“All of it was,” I said softly, trying
to ignore that I knew what it felt like to want to die when separated from someone
I loved. I wondered how I would have reacted if Lukas had dumped me when I got
down to Florida instead of welcoming me back. I wouldn't have told him that I
had nothing to live for after that. I would have accepted it and then gone off
to die quietly, I think. Or maybe I would have just gone back to Ohio and lived
out the rest of my life as a zombie who'd had a taste of a life in full color
and would never have it again. What would Sarah have done if he'd taken her and
not me? I was the one who fucked everything up, after all...
“Dad!” Eva pulled me from my reverie,
and I shook my head. “Were you having a flashback?”
“No?” I checked my head to make sure it
was just a daydream. “Did I lose time?”
“No, I just had to say your name, like,
five times,” Eva said, shaking her head. “Where were you?”
“Just thinking,” I said. I turned so I
could hug her, and she hugged me back.
“It wasn't a happy thought,” she pointed
out.
“No. I won't be flying with that one.”
“What were you thinking?” she persisted.
“About how unbearable my life would have
been without all of you,” I answered. That seemed a safe answer.
“How did you get there from an abusive
ex pet? Scheiße. Pets can be the abusive ones?”
“I was remembering being a pet and
falling in love,” I answered, telling my body it was close enough to the truth.
“And yes. They absolutely can be.”
“That isn't love,” Eva said, frowning.
“It's not showing love. It's not
respecting love. It's being a terrible person, but that doesn't mean that the
abuser is absent the feeling of love. I'm not even talking about
Jessica. She might have loved me, but it seemed more like obsession. That can
start out as love, though, and... degrade. You can't tell another person how
they feel, and honestly, pretending that abusers can't love? That's really
dangerous. Victims can tell that their abuser feels love for them, so it can
lead to them justifying the abuse,” I had to stop. This was too close to home.
“'Kay, I see what you're saying. Basically,
you don't deny another person's experiences, but they don't justify shitty
behavior?”
“Yes, exactly. And it also makes it
harder for the victim in separating—someone else loving you don't mean you owe
them anything. You are not responsible for someone else's feelings, you got
that?”
“I know, Dad.” Eva looked thoughtful.
“All right, maybe I didn't think of that.”
“But also, being in love with someone
doesn't give you the right to hurt them, even in socially acceptable ways. Like
all the romcoms that glorify stalking or our persistence predator natures where
one person just keeps violating the other's boundaries to 'prove' their love.
Which also comes back to the first lesson—no one owes you anything just because
you fell in love with them, or made yourself a better person 'for them.' Any of
that.” And now I couldn't handle the conversation at all. I knew all of this.
Lukas hadn't hurt me in years. He had genuinely become a better person, and he
promised that it was for himself as much as us. But this whole topic hurt.
“Or how often girls beat the crap out of
their crushes in anime?” Eva said. “I remember when I thought that was funny.”
“Having been the boy with the girl who
casually hits him whenever she's mad, I never thought it was funny,” I said. I
remembered talking about what a tsundere Lukas was and repressed a sigh.
“Hey, you've got your political face on,
Dad. Was it Mom? It was Mom, wasn't it?” Eva asked.
“Not just Mom,” I evaded when I realized
Eva had probably seen Sarah hit me. “My first high school girlfriend was worse
about it. But yeah, before we changed, Mom... she didn't really think about it.
She'd just always been like that. Because she was always smaller than her male partners
and never actually hurt anyone, she didn't make the connection.”
“I get it, actually,” Eva said. “It's
immature, I think, and some people don't realize it before it becomes a habit.
And like you said, it used to be socially acceptable. In, like, middle school,
it was common? But then by high school, we were starting to see memes and
articles that explained why it wasn't okay, and you folks didn't have that,
yeah?”
“I love you and your generation so
much,” I said before I hugged her until she squeaked.
“Nice to know someone does,” Eva said
when I let her breathe again.
“At least they're aware of how old you
are,” I grumbled. “I was in my late thirties hearing about how my generation
was supposed to be your age. We were all adults, our support of vampires and
social justice had saved the damn economy and slowed the collapse of the
environment, with the financial and political support of old vampires who
didn't want to live through awful parts of history again behind us to stop us
from destroying ourselves. But we were still infantilized by the press and our
parents' generation, dismissed as basement dwelling gamers who wanted a free
ride through life.”
“The media is always on its bullshit,”
Eva said. “So, for all of that, let me thank your generation for saving us
from... you? Your parents? Your older siblings? All of the above? Ye. So,
anyway, did you end up needing your contract to prove anything?”
“Yeah, no, having the contract meant
that she couldn't even pretend to get legal against me. I filed the cancellation
the night I did it—thank you, internet—so she couldn't pretend I was in breach
of it, either. That's why they're important, though. Probably ninety-nine
percent of pets you have, you'll never need to worry about it. It provides a
safety net, gives you this sense of officialness, all that. Yeah, there are
vampires who still don't use them. You talked about privilege, well, we're
wealthy. I've never had to think about not being able to afford committing to a
contract or needing legal advice in creating one, since your Vati helped me
with all of them.”
“Vati? Not Garret? He helped with mine.”
“Garret wasn't a lawyer when I met
Frieda, Chris, Rory or Aria. Vati has to know a lot about legal documents with
his work as an art dealer, and that bleeds into the ones he deals with as
Master, et cetera. I didn't realize you had Garret help you.”
“Asking the Master to do it is too
intimidating, even as his daughter,” Eva said. “Besides. I'm not supposed to be
involved with vampire stuff with you guys for that.”
“Garret's the official Emissary and my
official consort. He's in the upper hierarchy.”
“I dunno. It was just easier to ask
him,” Eva said. “He's still not the Master.”
“I can see that.”
“Can I attend a petitioner meeting?” Eva
asked.
“You're a member of the community. Of
course you can. Want to sit in for me so I don't have to?” I teased.
“Bet.” Eva smirked. I shook my head.
“I'm sure you would,” I said. “Like I
said. I'm not stopping you. I just really would rather you lived as
normal a life as possible.”
“Then you shouldn't have married into
money,” she said, making a ridiculous face at me.
“And give up my free ride and unlimited
gaming?” I joked, making Eva laugh.
“For real, for real,” she said,
laughing. “A-a-a-nd for real, what would I be giving up? Gabby said that she
chose to go full vampire citizen because you told her she would be giving up a
safety net if she didn't.”
“Being a loophole,” I answered. “You'd
give up being a loophole where you get to be a regular citizen while getting
that safety net through nepotism. Fine. You win. You're right. It's unethical.
I'll support you if you choose to join the community in full. I'm being
ludicrous. You're already one down in Emidio's territory, even if he does
protect the hell out of you—yes, your freedom of choice is blunted down there,
too, sorry.”
“Argh! You suck!” She threw herself back
against the couch and lightly kicked at my leg.
“Fine, fine. We're being overprotective
jerks. And you're right—it's not fair to you, and it may actually hurt you in
the long run. Shit. You win!” I turned and grabbed her hands, pulling her up
into a sitting position. She was grinning. “But if anyone starts bullying you
over who your dads are, please, please use us. Not as a first resort or
in a spoiled rich kid way, but if it is more than obnoxious, if you are unable
to make it stop on your own, and/or it violates the rules, sick us, or better
yet, Uncle Tony on them. They will regret all their life choices at that point
and no risk of being accused of being a princess.”
“But don't Young Adult protagonist it
and do it all on my own?”
“Right. We went through that when you
were in second, third grade. You have resources, allies. Use them.”
“So, does this mean I'm all grown up as
a vampire? I've got a pet, I'm gonna do vampire adulting stuff?” Eva grinned so
wide it looked like it hurt.
“Sure. Congratulations. Now get a job.”
“Pfft. I'm two years old. Do you know
what people say when I have to put that down on my applications?” Eva asked.
“I can't believe you found your first
pet at only two years old.”
“Weren't you ten months?”
“Well, yeah.”
“I transitioned just as fast as you
did.”
“I know. You've made a point of saying
that it proves you were right all along about being meant to be a vampire.” I
rolled my eyes.
“I had five vampire parents. Five. Six
if you count Vincent, but he's really always been more of a big brother type.”
“And yet, Mia has no desire to become a
vampire,” I pointed out.
“True, true, 'cause we're hella
different. But I mean that I've always wanted to be one. Always. I don't
remember a time in my life where I didn't think of living out a human life and
get depressed. I never wanted to get pregnant and have kids. Nothing I really
want to do requires me to be human.”
“You wanted to be an EMT once upon a
time,” I said.
“Bet I could if I wanted to now. Bein' a
vampire doesn't prevent you from training, and I could join the VU. But I don't
wanna. I just... I thought your job was cool when I was a kid. I liked telling
people my dad saved people. You were always my hero—you still are. Shut up and
stop making that face. But I'm not into healthcare and all that. I realized
that in sixth grade biology. Then you complained about being puked on by
patients, and fuck that. Gross.”
“So, do you have any ideas of what you do
want to do?” I asked as soon as I stopped laughing.
“I'm going back to acting,” she said. “I
can figure it out from there.”
“What was that about not marrying into
money?”
“Hey, I never said that's what I wanted.
I said that's where you lost the 'normal life' thing.”
“You could have gone to college.”
“Why? The only reason I can think of is
to get Kimi-chan to stop calling me a neet.”
“You could have figured it out while you
were there.”
“Wa-a-a-a-ste of money,” she sang.
“Says the girl who had a luxury nest.”
“All of you refused to nest me!” Eva
said, throwing her hands up. She cringed. “And now I know why and want to thank
you profusely. I also get why it was a hard pass on changing me and why you
couldn't explain that when I was little.”
“Yeah. Gross.”
“For real.”
“I'm teasing, by the way. Your nest was
fine. I'd much rather you were with Sandy. Not that I have any idea how Samiya
runs a nest, but Mason is the only one of her scions I know, and they were in
love.”
“She didn't really have the time for it.
She offered, and I don't think it would have bothered me being thirsty around
her and Mason and Abessa, but it was nice enough of her to change me so it
didn't need to be some rando I picked up at a club or something.”
“I had a list of twenty vampires willing
to change you. It never would have been a rando,” I said, mildly offended.
“And I had people down in the
neighborhood in the city who would've too. I'm teasing,” she said.
“Samiya still put her plans on hold to
watch over you, you know,” I pointed out.
“Ye. She turned into a big sister right
away.”
“Well, she's my flock sister, so I know
how that is.”
“Does she boss you around, too?”
“Uh, she doesn't need to? I never really
thought of it that way, but I've always done whatever she tells me or asks me
to. She's a council member. It's my job to carry out any orders she has for
me.” I spaced out for a moment as I mulled that over. “And any advice she
offered was always welcome.”
“Mm. I guess it is all good
advice. Ellie always needed my help, so I've always been the big sister even
then.”
“She's Lukas's pet, not your sister,” I
protested.
“If you say so. She was a mess. She's
doing better now, 'cause I'm a good big sister.”
“Oh, it was totally you, mmhmm.”
“Of course it was.” Eva giggled and then
looked serious. “My pet isn't a mess. She's got plans. She's the same age as I
am, and I think her life is more together than mine.”
“Ah, you pick up a pet who just needed a
financial sponsor?”
“And a friend. She's an actress, too.”
“Oh, lovely. Theatre kids.”
“Dad!” Eva hopped off the couch,
laughing. “We're going to move in together.”
“What?” I looked up in surprise. Eva had
moved back home after nesting. “Hold up. You're not old enough to live with
humans on your own.”
“I'm not?”
“No.”
“Not even in one of the condos on the
street?”
“No. It's too risky. You can move her
into one of those, but you can't move in with her. If you want to move out, may
I suggest moving in with Bonnie and Wendy? Or into a vampire apartment complex
if you want to be sans parental or familial roommates, but safe to be out of
your nest is not safe to live with humans on your own.
“Verdammt noch mal,” she swore in German.
“Sorry. I hope that wasn't in the
contract.”
“It wasn't. We were just talking about
it after Garret left,” Eva said.
“I was thinking Garret would have warned
you if you'd mentioned it.”
“Welp, I guess you're stuck with me.”
“No, I'm pretty sure I just decided to
shove you off onto Bonnie.”
“She's two houses down. That's still
stuck with me,” Eva teased as she danced over to the front door. “Thanks, Dad.
Love you.”
“Love you, too.” I waved as she left and
then returned to the video game I was playing while waiting for anyone else to
get home. Eva had been welcome company. I still enjoyed the calm nights.
!["Wherever your family is." •What do I do to annoy you? "That is a long list. How much space do you have for whatever it is for which you are transcribing every word I say? Your mouth involves a significant number of those things. If I give a particularly long answer, are you going to keep typing? Everything I say? Why are you doing this? Your refusal to answer me is annoying right now." •What is my favorite movie? "The Fifth Element." •Who is my celebrity crush? "How do you define a 'crush?' Male or female? Is this something you have specifically told me? Because I do not recall discussing it. Will you stop typing and give me criteria?" (I don't know--it just says 'crush' -- I'd say that's someone I would date given the chance) "Is [redacted] enough of a celebrity?" I'm not typing the rest of what he just said. 😶 Bonnie Pedraza OMG I can hear him saying all of that so clearly 😂😂 · Reply · 3y Sarah Henderson So could I--since I was in the room 🤣](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiidYVJxUDkgt10tcv8TraiNoYBOKm1TX2-9ctUbJoHIt_jrv_64eUxPisJZoGHxA70mwoo23igVuI9VImIEIa89qu_9bZ7BSwXaTExgbw4rKZEDg1JIwh4msVhfOykkuXebcrUHdESQEg/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-214827_Facebook.jpg)
![Garret Lambert you bored, too? · Reply · 3y Zack Henderson I PLEAD THE FIFTH 😳😳😳😳😳😧😨 · Reply · 3y Garret Lambert [Gif from the Princess Bride of Inigo Montoya saying "You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means. · Reply · 3y Zack Henderson [Gif from the Princess Bride of Humperdink brandishing his sword as though to attack]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi55-N2qv0razE72PzKkrZSkkKlN2cTdcvA04qOV3cTISoTJRHv0_5QcXWdDNSbJ0yaqV60Wqdw01az6JLcUF1B1oD_zkNYSsZzQKSfMWpzCH6xRp49vZxcN-Lv-ow4LyGRPTyynnMoJyM/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-213915_Facebook.jpg)
![Zack Henderson [Gif of Princess Bride Humperdink running away with "NOPE" written along the bottom] · Reply · 3y Garret Lambert [Gif of Princess Bride Dread Pirate Roberts saying "That does put a damper on our relationship"] · Reply · 3y Zack Henderson [Partial Gif of Princess Bride Westley's face]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgbKQvJiQnbBr6xGa0wmApoFVd2RSOUWn5v5hn07qHHNG0h8w0Zu6p1REHxFKLUcBV7Q3PPEQ8TqSJwZx03oB4u15QaAp1Oz0otIdLrR5Z1gZ615uLiy6farY24B8zIKhC-AMTyg0_Mym0/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-213925_Facebook.jpg)
![Zack Henderson [Gif from the Princess Bride of Westley asking "Who are you? Are we friends?] · Reply · 3y Garret Lambert [Gif from the Princess Bride of Inigo Montoya saying "Let me explain." · Reply · 3y Garret Lambert [Top of another Inigo Montoya gif]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgjxHDHouUMla9ONwLs6VGGDDINocXUPmTfIidEnue8SHCKZVTrQcEJojF_WJthMHfv_rumC0D-ZbHZ3VJ9RsfaqmgvQovEoMjq0ll3LDniPPtDu48CrpHfuK8NLrjgzBwq4iPBgt424zc/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-213944_Facebook.jpg)
![Garret Lambert [Gif from the Princess Bride of Inigo Montoya saying "Hello"] · Reply · 3y Garret Lambert [Gif from Supernatural of Dean Winchester in a crown saying "I'm the Princess"] · Reply · 3y Zack Henderson [Gif from the Princess Bride cut off]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWGoaghHiEksQpEQ7jLGb-sMNaDNyTHWe0TLFjz4QBJgb_AkUFFs5j3aA-UfqV2x-oM5NwPQus7ZRyfBh06BGzGzD8mGMLpdXvFgMvF3w4Jy1CPQtciMVu-NlO5g68qmyMYR-Vw4qh_6U/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-214004_Facebook.jpg)
![Zack Henderson [GIF from the Princess Bride of Westley saying "As you wish."] · Reply · 3y Zack Henderson Shit. I forgot that Cary Elwes was really fucking hot · Reply · 3y Garret Lambert reminds me a bit o Lukas there · Reply · 3y · Zack Henderson Maybe I am bored... [indistinguishable gif begins]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjWWxydafLHKRQ99TkbkvC8Bj710A1Ecwz48uO7HWhCR-V3zr8jEntu4xoYvRxJp4_F-1VNHmIIcIVKH1MdIpEt1ckmEljKPKOdox9C11cZjIZvNG2Db_-JHrihUKatwJezg0b7aOyLHR8/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-214016_Facebook.jpg)
![Zack Henderson Maybe I am bored... [gif of butterfly knife tricks] · Reply · 3y · Garret Lambert [Photo of a thin, pale, shirtless young redheaded man dancing, his long hair covering his face and much of his body, wearing black pants stopped at the thigh] · Reply · 3y Zack Henderson WHY DID FACEBOOK TRY TO HIDE THAT](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNVMEpEX6ytB_7Wr92_7H2yIuOgwETJN4qlAxE-7XJbGHh-TTFYP_GCNwhTK8hqisWUQOFmWavG5ajMSn6PZJ-Rrk1PJVyQEPCp5-74bwi7MfbP0hiHmzck0UXem-ZMkQ_QFFWt0-mMAw/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-214049_Facebook.jpg)
![Zack Henderson I mean · Reply · 3y Zack Henderson It's just a picture · Reply · 3y Garret Lambert no clue. i'd not think that a get flagged · Reply · 3y Lukas Ritter [GIF from the Princess Bride of Inigo Montoya saying, "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to kill you." · Reply · 3y Garret Lambert [GIF from the Princess Bride is cropped]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOdNcAAfOsY15VH_ce0rfVnkADJu05aYX0KeLSci-F8GUhMPNyg08jaZY2gymlCM2Lw_NiTTzjd_Kx6OJ0Mzpy0JHAFeFO1lViKPY5PySwJUJZl6ROSEdd2bXLlJsjSaPlJQZPtRA9p_k/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-214101_Facebook.jpg)
![Garret Lambert [GIF from the Princess Bride of Dread Pirate Roberts saying "You seem a decent fellow. I hate to die."] · Reply · 3y Zack Henderson [GIF from the Princess Bride of Westley looking around and saying "It's not that bad."] · Reply · 3y Lukas Ritter [GIF from the Princess Bride is cropped]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgVOA8tjt3m2KwAeOsvKJGtcMumEbs7eLenEQrKgqq6EcR0wWeV1yColtaNkehrgW-TnatfyEb69d6yzl-UrC_V-shSjpQXELuY1uV6QgcIuhUYL2udsIYdv76L1-GehP_gq9hk-feIqLc/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-214136_Facebook.jpg)
![Zack Henderson [GIF from the Princess Bride continues with Buttercup staring at Westley incredulously] · Reply · 3y Lukas Ritter [GIF from the Princess Bride Impressive Clergyman saying "Mawage"] · Reply · 3y Zack Henderson [GIF from the Princess Bride, same scene, cropped]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiao3U_P9Kk7Stk3nXSZKyKwxbvluIvj1sBUqy0TQMeDK7b28NZKZg2eNJitv6pIcImh_R4gXANWRK4BNhpn4fJMUUOi0WHPYH5ptEu15FDd5MUL0UuKioud3hjUawy6N2lPOLqtic6jUc/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-214156_Facebook.jpg)
![Zack Henderson [GIF from the Princess Bride Impressive Clergyman saying "Mawage is what bwings us togeder today"] · Reply · 3y Garret Lambert [GIF from the Princess Bride Fezzik saying "That's wonderful"] · Reply · 3y Lukas Ritter [GIF from the Princess Bride cropped]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw0iyF8U2eoKTZzFRm_cBIvrLvfR7BtQ7eYTjGodC0YjdAUIfFuc9KKSJc0-cGmWs9hw9yh3Qt7lRtfndKqWzpVO3RdOG4Fp2ujmjBO0eGT5yUQewgoK0NybIrv-12TDWF3OuV3y8JaEs/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-214211_Facebook.jpg)
![Lukas Ritter [GIF from the Princess Bride of Westley saying "Learn to live with disappointment" · Reply · 3y Garret Lambert [GIF from the Princess Bride of Dread Pirate Roberts/Westley rolling down a steep hill calling "As you wish!"] · Reply · 3y Zack Henderson [GIF from the Princess Bride cropped]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw-hUk0aSa5ty9g7PLCDp-ScLT8U1sY52f3dESffIrq4-_jbfCNlTzqJ5eEjbbCmqVv9ez5Eju64vFg8O3Ap9Hspcsj3g9Kam2uhIuR4KGVsSshp82huE92QH_3CbXyIt-JLWi32zvZnM/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-214237_Facebook.jpg)
![Zack Henderson [GIF from the Princess Bride of Wesley saying "Life is pain. Anyone who says differently is selling something.] · Reply · 3y Lukas Ritter Get off the computer and come watch the movie with me. · Reply · 3y Zack Henderson · Reply · 3y [GIF from the Princess Bride of Westley saying "As you wish"]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh61MqUqZvAgb2uIXTeWUodxhCyjNfab57pQuXbTw_0UDHtsr_hm9LmZOy9dqb2X-PjBeJMSsj5ddnuEeRB4-_aLIunb5nHggrK-2z15l-hGUxbxXzl0GRTf1HGSZPzDw7lWsLsb7SVi3k/s2048/Screenshot_20191021-214251_Facebook.jpg)
![Zack Henderson [GIF from the Princess Bride of Westley saying, "Truly, you have a dizzying intellect."] · Reply · 1y Zack Henderson Sigh. FINE. One of the things I refused to repeat was that he used the computer after me after we talked following Sarah's test, and my search history was your modeling pictures. · Reply · 1y](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj_hbLqbnJQJsCMVSlzud9w6GkVWPmmYpZnN3QxeZh4-PWXXraOX97zIeyPzAqTzkXnSJWnd05EKfnOQKBDk7SyvJ9ne7inP9jbEVdY0tNOnqwMXZbn7-ckGe-jl_Xc7EVuSg0Oo_IxpUw/s2400/Screenshot_20211002-151404_Facebook.jpg)
![Garret Lambert [GIF from the Princess Bride of Vizzini saying "It's a very prestigious line of work."] · Reply · 1y Zack Henderson [GIF from the Princess Bride of the Grandson asking, "Is this a kissing book?"] · Reply · 1y Garret Lambert [GIF from the Princess Bride of Mircale Max asking, "You got money?"]](https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7IiMDCGReAsvCn0Bli-JBnCY5oNYPTjYqTJxTAo3Y0Jbc3xYRFu3ne_Gw_G5Avb8V6c8_W_4lpN7UPzuOxtqWVLryDbM8tyjqyswlhUMBZC93CTPLVD73r9_UOwSgbapLZ6r0r58Os1Q/s2260/Screenshot_20211002-151508_Facebook.jpg)
