From the Other Side

From the Other Side

You're wrapped in a bubble.

You say it's so beautiful,

But you can't see through it,

Your wonderful oil slick,

How it's made you sick.

For just a bit, look at it

From the other side.

You don't wanna be trouble.

You know you're not beautiful,

But you can see music.

Your terrible standards sit

In freezing judgement.

Not heaven-sent, you're hell bent

On dying alive.

You ask if you're breathing.

You can't feel your chest in here.

We wanna see the stars,

Find a mirror that shows ours,

Shining through glass jars,

I see the stars; you grow scars,

Our eyes open wide.

Your tongue is unsheathing.

You only taste sweet in here.

I don't want you to drown,

Lost to your fear of unbound

Spaces above ground,

You turn around, drag me down

From the other side.

TePID

  TePID

There's a hole

burrowing

spiraling

digging away

at my heart

There's sound vibrating

against teeth

can it be heard

outside my skull

the buzzing meat

through pial,

arachnoid,

dural space

echoing the words

empty

digging

spiraling out

vessels fit to burst

walls breathing

lights dimming

empty

empty

empty

wither, bloat

There's a light

x

Sleepy

Sleepy

I want to close my eyes

If I lift my body

from the ground

it'll be quiet

It takes a hundred tries

but I just sink

until I'm found

by the mushrooms

growing up

from my fingers

to taste the air

I don't remember

nothing lingers

except me

 

Devouring

why am I listening

like this

when I have this

and the dark on my side

through your thickening

abyss

so hit-or-miss

finding its way inside

inside you

inside me

taking over you

devouring me

it's just another wave

crashing over

this wall

it's just another way

it's over

for us all

(cry out]

(give in) 

it's just another thing

pushing over

your soul

another way to sing

give over

your control

(cry out)

(give up)

(now it's) inside you

(now it's) inside me

taking over you

devouring me

can you still fall apart

like this

when you have this

and the cold on your side

give a brokenhearted

kiss

things dangerous

will find their way inside

inside you (cry out)

inside me (give in)

taking over you (screaming)

devouring me (give in)

it's just another wave

crashing over

this wall

it's just another way

it's over

for us all

Hope Gets a Bad Rap

Hope is dead

she licked the salt 

running down the wood

what's in your head

is not her fault

She'd go if she could

this rope's tight

around her wrists

is it supposed to hurt?

her head's light

can't feel her fists

she said it's in the dirt

blackened nails

chipped, peeling paint

her body's so soft

singing whales

a last refrain

you finally got off

It Wasn't What You Wanted Me to Say

 It Wasn't What You Wanted Me to Say

the hunter

seven points

bright burning in the negative space

can you see the colors?

can you see me?

do you only count to three?

I am the void that frames the stars

looking from far away

it's cold and dark and empty

I think that's all you see

you don't get closer

afraid you'll freeze

afraid you'll burn

I am the void

that negative space

you only see the stars

you think that's where you should look

if you stop they'll pull you in

you'll never break away

you'll disintegrate

burn in a flash

get closer

closer to me

it's the dust

it's the clouds

that's where I'll be

behind the pressure of glittering diamond showers

please enjoy the view

now look again

and tell me what you see

404

someday I'll be a ghost

just words on a memory post

and if words are all I'll leave behind

there'll be nothing left to remind

the world I was even here

when the servers disappear

ones and zeroes, off and on

all you're reading will be gone

shoulda carved the words somewhere deep

before I drifted off to sleep 

Undermined

Undermined

I'mma go lay out and float

through all the waves

ocean's already in my throat

been there for days

why'd I open up my mouth

it's never good

been a victim of this drought

chokin on wood

I'm just breathing here

trying not to lose myself

trying to get through this hell

nightmare we made ourselves

I wish I could forget

now I got ten regrets

all carved in pain

all under your name

all under my

under my

undermined

fuck you! you don't own me

fuck you! you can't control me

push me down, push me down

hold me down, hold me down

is this what I mean to you?

you're cultivating flowers

where once we both stood

you think you envy me

you think it's all good

I'm alone and adrift

but please come on in

the water's cold and empty

and I don't know how to swim

I'm just breathing here

trying not to lose myself

trying to get through this hell

nightmare we made ourselves

I wish I could forget

now I got ten regrets

all carved in pain

all under your name

all under my

under my

undermined

I'm undermined

again

You see something

that's not there

(I wish I could forget)

it was taken

I was unaware

(now I got ten regrets)

I wish I could forget

I wish I could forget

I wish I could forget

all under your name

all carved in pain

underwater again

 Shadows

there's a little bot

asking if I need a friend

asking if I'm looking for the end

'cause it's dark again

and I'm collecting shadows

there's a little sound

just down the hall tonight

one behind the window, out of sight

is it coming from the light?

gonna wrap myself in shadows

there's a little doubt

and my head is spinning

all the colors are swimming

away

away

away

I didn't tell the bot

I'm okay now

but it helped somehow

someone somewhere

miles away

handing out shadows

thanks for sharing shadows

with me

Three Diamonds

 Three Diamonds

history is in our scars

teeth trace where I have been

the future is in the stars

I'm in the ditch again

made a ladder out of weeds

and a halo out of sound

it gets darker where it leads

search for stars underground

if I do everything you say

you promise I will fly

hold on another day

hold on another lie

let you inside

this can never be my fault

your sweet words sucked me in

and I'm feeding from the salt

found underneath your skin

I never learned much from pain

diamond eyes shine for me

carving stones with your name

you give me history

if I do everything you say

you promise I will fly

hold on another day

hold on another lie

let you inside

let you inside

so come inside

if I do everything you say

you promise I won't die

hold on another day

tomorrow I will fly

I step outside

This is Fine

This is Fine

our fingers are blue

digging through the snow

I can still kinda taste you

from ten minutes ago

maybe we were hasty

there's moonlight somewhere

the cold feels like safety

if we can just get out of here

the house is burning down

the fire's breathing on me

we have to turn around

You tell me to get low

I tell you to let go

you shouldn't have come here with me

who knew snow could burn?

I wish I was under you again

there's always more to learn

I should have told you who I am

You can fit through the hole

we've done it; just go; be free

that was always my goal

but you won't leave me

the house is burning down

the fire's breathing on you

we have to turn around

You tell me to get low

I tell you to let go

I don't know how to get through to you

you're sorry

you're sorry

you didn't mean for it to end like this

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I need to take just one more kiss

Our lives, your soul

the pretense today

your hand, so cold

which way? which way?

all that is in your hands

it's lies

it's love

it's all the above

so let's jump through the fire

jump through the fire

jump through the fire

and run forever

live forever

with me

You and I

running from the light

looking for an oasis

holding out for night

clinging to darkened places

then one moves

body sheltered me

your shadow: my salvation

look away from me

I'll move away; be patient

then you moved

you chased the light

you set me free

until the night

washed over me

you didn't leave

you didn't scream

you helped me breathe

you let me dream

what are you?

I'm quite a lot to

take in, I know, but you stayed

and I just want you

to know I grew in your shade

why aren't you

afraid of me?

your eyes don't leave mine

I've never seen eyes like yours

brighter than moon shine

cold bright pulls me to your shore

there I am lost

I stand before you

you look up to hold my gaze

you reach for me, too

the rest all becomes a haze

there you are lost

I'm sorry

The Void

an empty sky

this separation

a life gone by

an imitation

wax wings don't fly

no transportation

a longing sigh

last exhalation

when I reach out to feel

the empty space

a memory of nothing real

floods down my face

and I'm calling, calling out

I've been falling, falling down

just a voiceless, faceless shout

that the void rejects

the void reflects

the void won't pull me away

the stars shine on

a constellation

the line's been drawn

just a creation

that future's gone

infatuation

can't face the dawn

the confrontation

and I reach out to feel

the empty space

proof that this was never real

floods down my face

the void is calling, calling out

I'm crawling, crawling now

just a faceless, empty doubt

that the void accepts

the void projects

the void will take me away

the void can't save me anyway

and I'm calling, calling out

I've been falling, falling down

just an empty, faithless shout

that the void rejects

the void deflects

the void won't pull me away

the void won't save me today

(it was all fake anyway)

Fernweh

Yearning for a dream

a world

a universe

more real than reality

intangible

consuming

just past the horizon

past the sky

past the stars

aching for shadows

chest tight

breathless

reaching for a light

that never shone

never brightened

never broke into prisms

trapped

calling for

a home that never was

Dinosaurs Don't Wear Glasses

 

the me

i was told i was always supposed to be

'cause it wasn't about me

what others want to see

their own fallacies

a thousand times to be

a wasted legacy

to a disappointed sea

whispering to me

this isn't how it should be

this isn't who i should be

a failure at being me

because potentially

there's so much more to me

then the failure that we see

never will i be

free

Token Broken

it's raining

been talkin bout my parts

today I'm

choking on brittle hearts

And all I need is a moment

a moment to breathe

maybe to feel

instead I've got a poem

a moment to seethe

'cause I'm not real

I've lived my life in drag

never a mirror

just another... flag

is anyone here

I can't see

I can't breathe

I can't be

your broken token

again

visceral entropy

within

you want inside of me

when strangled

I don't know who to tell

entangled

I dragged me back from hell

And all I need is compliance

a scrap of your time

maybe your mind

instead I've got this silence

a waste of my rhyme

No, I'm not fine

I've lived my life confused

never a mirror

always lost and abused

is anyone here

I can't see

I can't breathe

I can't be

your broken token

again

a break from your ennui

within

you want inside of me

You can't

I can't

You can't

I can't

be here

a moment to breathe

maybe to feel

a moment to seethe

'cause I'm not real

I'm not

Sleeping With Ghosts

I clutch your arm around me

holding me together

My eyes clenched tight

can't bear any light

'cause you won't hold up to it

Your touch is already insubstantial

because you're not there

Maybe you were never there

I'm sleeping with a ghost

I'm not alone

You're here with me

I'm not alone

You're right there

Hold me together

I'm not alone

I won't move

I'll stay right here

Clinging to your memory

Clinging to the dark

Clinging to you

Sleeping with your ghost

When I open my eyes

Will you have ever been here at all?

I'm not alone

I won't open my eyes

Don't leave me

Just hold me

Don't be a memory

I'm not lonely

I'm not alone

I can smell you

I can't

I can't just be sleeping with ghosts